Friends wedding

[user1472732726]

Hi everyone this is my first time on here and I need some opinions off people who aren't my family / friends.
My friend of 20 years is getting married in a week and my partner wasn't invited. I was a bit upset about this but she said she wasn't inviting any partners because of budget. However last night I found out that 3 of my other friends/ acquaintances have had their partners invited and they are going. This felt like a kick in the stomach and made me feel singled out. I messaged her this morning and told her I won't be going to the wedding now as I feel a bit upset that other friends partners have been invited but not mine I have to be true to myself and how I feel since then I've had one of her friends confronting me on Facebook saying I should just go as I've really upset her this friend has her husband going! What are your opinions on this?

THEN work out your budget. THEN book your venue.

Unfortunately that wasn't possible for us as our local registry office held a maximum of 50 people. We took ages sorting out the guest list but everyone was invited with a plus one as we didn't want anyone to feel left out. I know it's often frowned upon on MN but everyone who we couldn't fit in during the day was invited to the evening reception.

Without knowing both sides of the story it's hard to know who is BU here. However I would be hurt if it turned out my long term partner wasn't invited just because we were living together rather than married (if that was the case).

I could never go alone to a wedding. Unless you know loads going, I'd just feel so awkward about where to sit at the night time and if I'd have anyone to talk to etc. I wonder if any of that is considered when the invites are sent out. Surely making sure your guests are happy is a priority.

Based on the additional info OP has provided (Partner of 2 years, baby together, other friends' husbands going), YANBU to no longer want to attend.

Bride may well be differentiating between husbands and partners, but if she is, that is wrong in this day and age, especially since you are an established family unit. She should have been up front with you when you inquired if they were struggling with numbers/budget etc, not lied, because it was all going to be quite obvious when you arrived.

I would have declined as well under the circumstances.

YABU. The bride is entitled to invite who she wants and questioning her about it is ridiculous, let alone throwing a strop when she isn't paying for someone YOU love to go

I disagree. being a bride doesn't give you carte blanche to offend people. Or at least it shouldn't do. The OP isn't throwing a strop, but her feelings are hurt and that's a valid reaction.

One of my closest friends got married and wasn't inviting some partners and children due to cost and venue size. I understood of course although I wanted my children or at least my partner there, I knew I was going to know lots of people so wasn't going to be alone.

I ended up getting injured shortly before and had to attend on crutches and she still never said my partner was welcome to come. I should have asked I suppose.

Then on the actual day it transpired that plenty of partners and kids were actually there and the food was buffet style where they'd asked guests to bring a dish and there was tons of food. I was really quite hurt and still don't understand why but I put it down to her having lots to think about and being in a bit of a bridal whirlwind hence not thinking and I'd never bring it up as she had a lovely day and I'm glad she was happy.

I won't forget it though.

I don't blame you, YANBU.

It is up to the bride and groom who they invite to their day but you are under no obligation to attend.
I'd have just politely declined without saying why and left it at that.

If she had asked why then I'd have told her. Not in a nasty way but I wouldn't sugar coat it either, something along the lines of ' we would have liked to come but I was surprised that DP wasn't invited and didn't want to come without him'.

If a couple has traditional values (like believing wedding before babies) and only wants people who share those thoughts that marriage is special I can see why the married couple thing matters to them. OP no matter how much you may feel "as good as married" it really is different. Logically if you are already committed it shouldn't make a difference but I know I found it did.

Bottom line you've probably damaged your friendship by not talking to the bride about her reasons before throwing a strop.....but it's done now.

I was with my husband for 14 years before we married, and we had our children before our wedding. I would have been hurt if, during those 14 years, he'd been excluded from anything on the basis of his not being my legal spouse.

If no partners/spouses at all were invited, that would've been fine. In fact, I've attended 2 colleagues' weddings with other colleagues (minus OHs).

If you have had a child or been together for over a decade without getting married - you really shouldn't be surprised if people think you don't regard marriage as special or relevant in the same way they do. I'm a little bored of the "We want all the rights and respect that marriage bestows but we can't be bothered actully getting married" brigade. If you don't want to make the commitment or think you don't need the status and legal protection that comes with marriage that's fine- but don't then whine that you don't have it.