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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not wipe my 6 year olds arse and ignore his current meltdown?

239 replies

Changedmymindagain · 30/08/2016 14:07

He wipes it in school, but refuses to do it at home insisting me or his dad does it. I'be just refused and he's currently having a meltdown on the toilet.

AIBU to expect him to wipe it himself?

OP posts:
ghostspirit · 30/08/2016 15:56

no way would i wipe my 6 year olds butt. they can do is at school then can do it at home

IfTheCapFitsWearIt · 30/08/2016 15:57

dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/learner-english/spoilt

JacquesHammer · 30/08/2016 15:58

Errr yeah, screaming and demanding at 6 year Olds and parents rushing to to wipe their little princes backside

Fortunately my 9 year old asks politely when she needs a hand. Fortunately also for her I don't see it as being entitled when a child requires a little help. Nor is she spoilt.

gamerchick · 30/08/2016 15:59

Yet another thing that's only ever heard of on here.

I still wipe my 9 yr olds arse on occasion, it's really not a big deal. After all not many boys grasp it and dish out skids in their underwear right up until the die of old age.

ghostspirit · 30/08/2016 16:02

ok so if some mums still wipe their childs bum at what age does it stop? and they do it their self.

Armi · 30/08/2016 16:03

I don't see why some folk are so cross and shouty about this. Surely it doesn't actually matter? Some people have their child changing their own nappy and being ambidextrous with the wet wipes at six months whereas others are happy to support children who are much older to avoid getting shit everywhere. It hardly seems necessary to get all het up. (Except for the OP of course, who has reached her shit-wiping limit and therefore has my sympathy.)

Birdandsparrow · 30/08/2016 16:06

I still wipe DD's bum after a poo, she was 5 in May. I don't think she does a poo at school normally (we're abroad and she only goes 9am to 2pm). She's tried a couple of times to do it but just smears poo EVERYWHERE, bum, toilet, clothes. I expect we'll start getting her to do it herself over the course of this year, I don't want her going to primary and not being able to do it.
Toilet wipes claim to be flushable but block the drains something terrible, we have a bin with a plastic bag in that gets emptied every day. But then, here (abroad) the drains are really crap.

PerpetualStudent · 30/08/2016 16:09

Are you shitting (excuse the pun) me?! I have a 15 month old, no way on gods green earth did I sign up for another 5 years of arse-wiping! Surely it's part of toliet training to learn to wipe properly? Bar accidents and illnesses surely that's their own responsibility by school age... If you keep doing it for them, how will they ever learn?

JacquesHammer · 30/08/2016 16:09

ok so if some mums still wipe their childs bum at what age does it stop? and they do it their self

When she needs it to stop? I'm not worried. It's not a constant thing, only when she has a flair up. If she still needs help at odd times when she's 12 does it matter?? As long as she's comfortable asking?

ElspethFlashman · 30/08/2016 16:14

Seriously Jaques at 12 she'll probably have her period.....let's agree that wiping that for an NT child is where we might draw the line......

Cherylene · 30/08/2016 16:22

I can't remember doing arse-wiping for my 3 for anything longer than the few weeks it took for them to get the hang of it Hmm. Certainly not into school age.

IceBeing · 30/08/2016 16:25

lolling at the idea that if you dare to wipe your 6 yos bum then you are guaranteed a life time of bum wiping. How will they learn? The same way they learn everything - when they decide they want to do it themselves.

I suppose its a bad idea to carry babies because they'll never learn to walk...or cut up their food in case they never learn to operate a knife....or read to your kids because they'll never bother to learn to read too.

Questionaboutwork · 30/08/2016 16:27

Ok I don't need to wipe my six year olds bum but she does need me to accompany her to the (downstairs) toilet every single time to sit on the steps. Lis she won't go upstairs alone. Drives me batty!

Questionaboutwork · 30/08/2016 16:28

*plus

Pominoz1 · 30/08/2016 16:29

I wiped my sons bum until he was 7 ... He had real issues about going to the toilet at school and would hold on until he got home. The sight of all that sh** would make him heave and he just couldn't look at the toilet paper to see if he had wiped it all away. It sounds ridiculous now writing It down ... Anyway I can safely say he is now 16, wipes his own arse, still won't do a number 2 in public toilets but unblocks the loo himself now after one of his monumental dumps 💩

SquinkiesRule · 30/08/2016 17:05

I can't imagine still doing the wiping for them at 9. Confused I know I told Ds2 when he was 6 that that's it, I'm done wipe your own bum. He sat of the loo for 1/2 and hour shouting "Mum I'm done", it was like that episode of Family guy with Stewie shouting Mom. Other Ds and I were in the kitchen cracking up. But he's been doing it ever since.

SatsukiKusakabe · 30/08/2016 17:43

Thanks for the definition of spoilt Confused Grin

I don't think helping children who haven't quite got it, or still feel they need a little help at 6, falls into the category of 'always being given what you want or allowed to do what you want', or that indulging this will lead to them becoming badly behaved. I understand the word. I disagree that it applies to this.

Disagree

JacquesHammer · 30/08/2016 17:46

Seriously Jaques at 12 she'll probably have her period.....let's agree that wiping that for an NT child is where we might draw the line......

I presume you missed the post where I said I help my daughter when she has a exzema flair up as she suffers particular around the top of her thighs and her bottom? If at 12 - period or not - she still needs help with weeping sores AND trying to maintain personal hygiene then I don't think a line DOES need to be drawn. I would be a pretty shit parent if I said no to be honest wouldn't i?

youarenotkiddingme · 30/08/2016 17:50

My Ds still asks now occasionally when he's struggling and he's just turned 12.
He didn't manage to do it himself reliably until a few months ago. Yes he'd have to at school but it wasn't clean.

Can't get my knickers in a twist about it tbh.

And my Ds is certainly not spoilt. Not compared to kids I know his age who are - that wiped their own arse at 4/5/6/7

PerpetualStudent · 30/08/2016 17:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sleeponeday · 30/08/2016 17:53

And why are autistic disorders being suggested for a bloody basic problem?

Because it's very common for ASD kids to need help with bottom wiping - they can have motor skills problems that make it a very hard thing to achieve, and they also have meltdowns instead of tantrums. My DS did this when we tried to make him wipe at 5, before diagnosis. He's almost 8 and still needs us to do it, and to wash him when he has a bath. The TA at school has to help with some dressing.

If a parent is stressed about the situation described, it's necessary to establish if her child is swinging the lead, or genuinely suffering. I appreciate that you're just very ignorant and not trying to be nasty, but can I suggest that, if fortunate enough to know the sum of fuck all about these situations, you might post with a little less obnoxiousness? Thanks.

OiWithThePoodlesAlready · 30/08/2016 17:56

I help my 6 year old out sometimes. When it's particularly erm...messy (sorry). It's just part of parenting isn't it.

I wouldn't be happy with her completely refusing to ever do it herself though.

SatsukiKusakabe · 30/08/2016 18:21

It is also not always apparent whether a child is NT until beyond 6. Some children are NT but have coordination or other motor issues. Some have anxiety related to toileting.

No one is suggesting indefinite arse-wiping without the appropriate scaffolding in place perpetualstudent

blibblibs · 30/08/2016 18:22

I still wipe DCs arses. 7&8, one is hypermobile and struggles a bit other is constipated and on movicol so I like to keep an eye on what's going on. I'm sure both would be capable but what's the harm. I'm sure they won't be phoning me at 30 to come and wipe their arse.

SatsukiKusakabe · 30/08/2016 18:32

I also think education isn't directly comparable to development.