To not wipe my 6 year olds arse and ignore his current meltdown?

[Changedmymindagain]

He wipes it in school, but refuses to do it at home insisting me or his dad does it. I'be just refused and he's currently having a meltdown on the toilet.

AIBU to expect him to wipe it himself?

[Armi]

If it's a squidgy one, I'd rather wipe DD's bottom (just 5) for her than deal with shit accidentally smeared on the loo, buttocks, wrists and in her pants. It takes mere seconds and is easier for both of us. Most of the time she does it herself but I am happy to assist.

[acasualobserver]

arse is horrible word to use when talking about a young child

What precious nonsense.

[JinkxMonsoon]

Ugh, if you can't refer to a young child's bottom as an "arse" when you're feeling annoyed and talking to other adults, when can you?

Confession: sometimes I refer to my child's poo as "shite" when talking to DH. Especially in the sentence "covered in shite". Whatever gets you through, eh?

[JellyBelli]

Have you checked to make sure he just needs a wipe and hasnt actually had a mishap and need help? If he's ok, just supervise him wiping himself.

[ElspethFlashman]

I have to add that my friend is still washing her eldest daughter's hair for her and said daughter is about to turn 16.

In the shower. Seriously. Her daughter puts shampoo in it and then roars for Mum to come into the bathroom to do the rest. Every second day. Completely normal boringly Caucasian hair.

I don't have a 15/16 year old daughter - is that normal or indulgent?

[Maryann1975]

I suspect the reason he is shouting and making a fuss is because he doesn't see why he should have to deal with his own poo and thinks someone else should do it for him. He knows no one will do it at school, so just gets on with it there. Nothing to do with it being a messy poo or anything else. He likes the present arrangement and doesn't want it to change. Of course he is big enough and capable of wiping his own bottom, if he can do it at school, he can do it at home too.
Op, after today's screaming ab dabs, stay strong, If it is a normal poo, he can do it. If he is struggling, support him, but don't go back to doing it for him.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

I help DD if it's a bit "squadgy". Or that's what I call it - I know it's a made up word! She's 8. It can become a habit if I'm not careful. I was doing it all the time at 6 tbh. Otherwise she'd sit there for 10 mins plus. I'm too soft, I know, I know.

[KoalaDownUnder]

Oak, oh - that's somewhat of a relief!

I was secretly thinking, who the fuck gives a child free access to £28 bottles of anything, let alone to clean their bum with.

[DoinItFine]

At what age does it change from a bum into an arse?

How about from a ickle botty-wotty bumpkins into a bum tidddly um tum tum?

[brastraps]

Are the loos at school smaller ie easier for them to manage self-wiping?

We all know our kids are quite capable of doing things at school that they choose NOT to do at home. Just pick your battles I suppose.

[KoalaDownUnder]

Elspeth, pretty sure that's bizarre.

[notamummy10]

Those toddler wipes may be flushable but they may still block the drains up, my next door's neighbours use them and need their drains unblocking every so often- the cover for their drains is in my garden so it's a nuisance sometimes!

[DoinItFine]

I haven't wiped my 6 year old's posterior since she was 4.

I have enough trouble convincing my 4 year old (who does need help sometimes) to let me check.

[Changedmymindagain]

We don't call it an arse in the home, calm down!

There is no reason why he can't do it himself, and after 10 minutes of him screaming/crying/wailing he has managed to complete the task and strolled downstairs.

It would only take me 30 seconds to do it, but why should I when he can do it everywhere else he goes?

[Hockeydude]

He's only 6, just help him out.

On MN nobody helps their 6yo with bum wiping.
IRL I know loads that do.
OK they'll do it at school. When my dd was that age, she'd do it at school and come home with skiddy pants, asking me to rewipe with a wet wipe and get a new pair of pants.

[Horsegirl1]

My 5 year old dd does exactly this. I end up wiping her bum for her though. She can't stand even a slight mark on her underwear so it's easier if I just wipe her bot otherwise she just has a mega paddy and wants clean underwear . I don't think YABU but maybe have a reward chart in toilet so when he wipes his own bot he can get a sticker ?

[NovemberInDailyFailLand]

Elspeth, no, I don't think that's normal. I occasionally helped autistic DD with her waist length, thick hair at that age but certainly not as a habit.
I made it clear that if she wanted to keep her hair very long, then she must learn to sort it out herself.

[SatsukiKusakabe]

I made sure my five year old could do it before starting school, and he manages fine, but he likes me to help at home and I don't mind, so don't really see the big deal. I certainly wouldn't leave a small child screaming on the loo for the sake of him wanting some help cleaning up. If he's crying about it I'd assume he was anxious or upset about it, and the best way of dealing with regressions is usually to indulge them until they're ready to move on themselves. They will not want you anywhere near them when they're teens (thank Christ) there's nothing wrong with a bit of extra care during the primary years, it's not going to strangle their independence.

[Booboostwo]

arse wipe fairy !!! I am appropriating that!

Currently going through the same problem with 5yo DD was can do it but thinks it's too disgusting!

[LauraMipsum]

And why are autistic disorders being suggested for a bloody basic problem? Next it'll be 'pathological Arse-wipe avoidance'

Well that's lovely

Because autistic spectrum disorders can affect a lot of "bloody basic" things, including toileting.

[Topseyt]

Of course you can use the word arse when discussing a 6 year old amongst other adults.

Or do only adults have arses? Children have bott-botts?

I think that by the age of 6 I rarely wiped my DDs' ARSES. They were very able on that score very quickly.

[00100001]

"He's only 6, just help him out. "

no, he is SIX whole years old, not months, he can do it himself!

[AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads]

When DD went through this stage, I said I would only help her after she'd tried herself once. Then it moved to two times and I'd help, then three. She sometimes asks me now to double check if it's been a runny one. But screaming at me doesn't make me want to help, so no I wouldn't have helped her if she was doing that.

As for her hair, she washes it herself and I just come and give it a final rinse.

[paxillin]

I deal with other people's faeces for as long as necessary and no longer. For NT kids, that's 4 or 5 years old. Most kids try this one on, everybody over toddler age find shit disgusting, including their own.

[AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads]

I don't like using the word arse about my child, I prefer to call it a shit hole instead.

too far?