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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to allow my DD to go to the Notting Hill Carnival?

243 replies

haventkilledtheorchidyet · 28/08/2016 20:04

DD (14) wants to go to the NHC. She is quite streetwise and will be going with a couple of friends. AIBU to let her?

OP posts:
TealLove · 29/08/2016 23:07

I remember when I lived in NH we used to barricade ourselves in all weekend. It was v scary, rowdy and left literally a trail of mess and devestation behind.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 29/08/2016 23:16

Oh come on TealLove you need to live a little and relax and stop being so hystericalHmm

Wink
Chippednailvarnishing · 29/08/2016 23:27

It's a good job NH is just like the Hugh Grant film Hmm

WeGonBeAite · 29/08/2016 23:57

Dog... I said

  1. I would let my 17 year old go - directly in response to the OP.
  2. I THEN spoke about the OBVIOUS hysteria on display by all of the posters barring the small minority that have recounted their own negative AND positive experiences.
  3. You really need to take your own advice..... LOL Wink

chipped as above. I directly referenced the OP and then moved on. Perhaps you need to get something of value to LOL about. The carnival would be a great start ironically Grin

Nick your reference to exclamation marks makes you a prime candidate for someone that needs to live a little. Growing up in NI doesn't mean you find it easy to let your hair down! Commenting on a posters grammar when you can clearly understand the point? I think you could probably live a little AND get a life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My post was to be patronising. Similar to the way this thread has labelled an event which is by and large positive, happy and a huge cultural event for a lot of people. 2 million to what 100? I stand by my original post. There has been a ridiculous amount of hysteria!

Chippednailvarnishing · 30/08/2016 00:00

Growing up in NI doesn't mean you find it easy to let your hair down!

And there we have it, simply a GF.

Frogers · 30/08/2016 00:03

Interesting thread. A few friends are there just now and seem to have had a good time so far. I wouldn't consider going myself.

TealLove · 30/08/2016 00:07

Actually my post sounded really uptight! I'm sure people had a blast but it honestly is quite scary.

WeGonBeAite · 30/08/2016 00:22

Again chipped go and have some fun!

Belleende · 30/08/2016 07:58

Oh, I meant to say, I have been twice. First time sexually assaulted, second time ended up between two factions lobbing bottles at each other. It was raining glass. I didn't report either incident to the police, and based on similar experiences reported by many friends I suspect these types of crimes are vastly under reported during carnival. I think your estimate of 100 people out of 2 million have a bad experience is waaaaay low balling it.

WeGonBeAite · 30/08/2016 08:08

bellend you are probably right in terms of crime statistics. Fact remains, literally millions of people return year in year out!

Maybe there is something to say for being streetwise.

I have never ever heard stories (particularly from women) like I am hearing above. I have been to carnival almost every year since I was 5, and I have been going alone since 14!

There are not many people I know that don't go, and I can honestly say I know of no one with any 'personal' experiences to tell.

I haven't been speaking about peoples personal experiences, good and bad, but rather the majority of 'no way' posts, from people who have admittedly never been!

Gowgirl · 30/08/2016 08:32

Ds was watching London live yesterday, whingeing because Monday looked 'awesome', it was pointed out if anyone was going Monday it would be dh and i having parked all the dc's with a babysitterGrin
He's already campaigning for both days next year.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 30/08/2016 09:08

Maybe there is something to say for being streetwise
What do you mean by that? That if you are assaulted you aren't streetwise?

Gowgirl · 30/08/2016 09:22

If you are not streetwise it is more likely you will wander into a situation where sexual assault is more likely....i think its part of your job as a parent to teach dcs about keeping themselves safe, it follows on from the stranger danger/ road safety.

Gowgirl · 30/08/2016 09:25

I know some children that have been "protected" from everything and can see them growing into scarily nieve teens....looking at you ds!

DollyBarton · 30/08/2016 09:32

I went a few years ago while pregnant and felt very threatened a number of times. Very drunk, drugged up people all over the place. Saw some aggressive situations. To be honest I was shocked at how unpleasant and drunken the whole place was and I've been to a lot of places. I would have loved it at 14 but it's no place for a 14 yr old.

WeGonBeAite · 30/08/2016 11:04

dramaqueen No I was not referring to sexual assault and being streetwise..... There are tons of other 'feelings' being reported on the thread. I'm not sure why you've jumped straight to that...

On a similar note, do you understand the reason it is called a carnival is because of the moving display. You will see that a lot of the traditional Caribbean dance involves men and women dancing together. If as spectators of that tradition you are invited to participate by being danced with (women do it with men and men do it with women) I would chalk it down to cultural difference before sexual assault!

I don't like being danced with and a polite no is enough for the men or women to move onto the other 1000 or so people in sight that are happy to participate!

Have you ever watched a carnival parade?

Before the outrage that I expect ensues, ask the majority of the Caribbean women at the Caribbean carnival of they find being danced with sexual assault? This is a great example of cultural difference and misunderstanding.

I would expect people to come back and report the experience as new, different, unfamiliar, uncomfortable for them, and a host of other things!

Coming back and reporting the event to people who have never experienced the carnival as some sexual assault haven, rife with pick pockets, drugs, drunks and gangs - soon to be joined with terrorists, is wrong, offensive AND hysterical! Especially with no mention of the ACTUAL CARNIVAL.

Gowgirl · 30/08/2016 11:13

I smelt a bit of weed in the air but cant comment on the drinking as had a couple of cans of g&t myself.
I did however see an American family with 4 sm dcs and a pram being quite vocal about alcohol on the streets and gettig heckled by a group of young lads, the police took them through the safe zone, as I don't think carnival was quite what they were expecting.....
The 9 yr old found it very funny!Grin

Belleende · 30/08/2016 11:23

Ok I will be very specific. Myself and a friend joined in the carnival spirit, danced with a couple of men. They got a bit handsy, I said no and backed away, he followed and grabbed me from behind. He stuck his hand in my knickers and tried to finger me. Now, aite, you tell me. Sexual assault or cultural difference? I know what the law says.

BeMorePanda · 30/08/2016 11:39

Before the outrage that I expect ensues, ask the majority of the Caribbean women at the Caribbean carnival of they find being danced with sexual assault? This is a great example of cultural difference and misunderstanding.

I agree with this ^. there is a lot of hysteria based on misunderstanding/lack of comprehension here.

As for wineing being sexual assault Shock - good grief. Yes it is very visually"sexy" but it's just a dance. Like you know the samba, and rumba on SCD - meant to look visually very sexy, but actually quite a lot of effort is involved.

As WeGon says this dance is men and women on each other - I had men wine on me and never even saw their faces - its dancing and fun!! When I gave the briefest indication I wanted to stop, it stopped.

What I did love about it, and what I saw time and time again, was when one person had enough that was it - it stopped, and people moved on. Respect and awareness of personal space is at the heart of it.

The carnival is full on - but every carnival is full on by it's nature. many people partying for long hours on the streets - drinking and smoking weed, of course it is going to be full on.

As for people weeing in the streets, there are very few toilets provided and massive long cues for the few I saw. Not many alternatives were available. Thankfully I was able to call into a friends flat halfway through the day.

Chippednailvarnishing · 30/08/2016 12:26

Belleende it's not cultural, it's not dancing, it's sexual assault.
Ignore the apologists.

PatMullins · 30/08/2016 12:28

Yy Chipped

Jonso · 30/08/2016 12:30

A multitude of sins can be hidden by labelling something 'cultural'

Goldenhandshake · 30/08/2016 12:50

Absolutely not, there were 4 stabbings alone on the day meant for 'family's and children'. I personally think it should be stopped as an event. The number of arrests for violence, sexual assaults and offensive weapons are ridiculous.

Gowgirl · 30/08/2016 12:59

There were 400 arrests, what about the other 1.96 million people who managed not to get arrested?
If you stop carnival you end up with another overpriced gentrified area in London, maybe cancel the market as well its pretty busy on a Saturday....

Goldenhandshake · 30/08/2016 13:04

There were also 8 police officers injured Gowgirl, I assume that doesn't happen on an average market Saturday?

Sadly the carnival seems to attract many awful people along with the thousands who go purely to enjoy it. The carnival doesn't stop the area being gentrified either.

It's pretty appalling homes and businesses feel the need to board up their windows for fear of them being smashed too.