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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or did I actually ask her to babysit?

442 replies

Crisscrosscranky · 28/08/2016 18:17

This is possibly massively outing.

DH and I went to a well known swedish furniture store today to pick some bits up. Our DD (9) didn't really want to come and I was having a text conversation with a good friend whilst we were discussing it. Friend mentioned she was having a day at home and I cheekily I suppose asked if DD could come over and play with her DS (also 9) for a couple of hours. She said yes and I thought nothing of it. DD and her DS are good friends - he's often come here to play including full days in Xmas hols when I am not working and his mum is.

Dropped her off at 11 and picked her up at 2 so 3 hours in total - she did have a sandwich there but I'd also packed her off with some malteasers to share with DS's son. They spent the whole 3 hours playing Lego.

When I picked DD up my friend asked me if I could have the £20 for her tomorrow as she's a bit skint Confused. I asked "what for?" and she said "babysitting- it's normally £10 per hour on a Sunday but as she came here I'll do it for less". I said yes because I was a)embarrassed and b) shocked. I never would have asked anyone to actually babysit so we could go shopping - I thought she was doing me a favour Blush

She is a childminder for her FT job but she's not my DD's minder. DD goes to school with her DS and I see mum socially without the kids normally to get drunk. Thinking about it DD has never been there to play without me but like I say her DS has been to our.

AIBU to think I was asking for a playdate hate that termor did I actually ask her to babysit?!

OP posts:
Lunde · 31/08/2016 11:16

Sounds like it might have been a "last straw" situation for the CM where over the past week or so many people have been ringing and inviting themselves for "playdates" but only at her house.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/08/2016 11:17

I think minions is definitely op friend Wink.

Willow2016 · 31/08/2016 11:37

Lunde she never has other peoples kids for playdates, even after working hours, she quite happily sends her kid to other people though!

Friends reciprocate favours its not difficult, you just dont charge them if they have done you favours in the past.

She can easily say "NO" or " I will charge you" and given the op a chance to chose for herself. Funnily enough she never 'paid'/gave a bottle of wine/chocs to the op for minding her kid never mind £20!

MinonsMovie · 31/08/2016 11:42

willow unless I'm mistaken that is one of many assumptions op has failed to give clarification on.

MinonsMovie · 31/08/2016 11:44

Sending is different from permitting to attend.

Marynary · 31/08/2016 11:51

Regardless of the fact that there may have been a misunderstanding, she shouldn't charge people to look after their children without a contract or even a verbal agreement. The fact that she will only look after children for money even though other parents look after her child for nothing suggests she is very mercenary and not someone who should be considered a friend..

Willow2016 · 31/08/2016 12:03

Minion
The fact that what she did was illegal is not up for debate though.

dustarr73 · 31/08/2016 12:08

Bangs head off wall

bumsexatthebingo · 31/08/2016 12:58

Offering to have kids over at your own convenience is completely different from having them dumped on you though. The op was careful to check if the cm was free first then asked her to mind her child so she couldn't really say no. If you ask a professional cm to mind your child for a couple of hours it shouldn't come as a massive surprise that you are charged. I think there has been cheekiness on both sides tbf.

MinonsMovie · 31/08/2016 13:07

Bumsexonthebeach Blush I'm so glad I'm not the only one looking from both angles.

MinonsMovie · 31/08/2016 13:19

If cm friend paid op it would be illegal as she is not registered and it was over 2 hours.

You do not need a contract for occasional minding, it's to protect both parties in case of financial dispute.

JacquesHammer · 31/08/2016 13:22

The op was careful to check if the cm was free first then asked her to mind her child so she couldn't really say no

I think that's a cop out. If the CM is able to raise the issue of payment afterwards she should equally be adult enough to say "actually, we're enjoying some family time but we're happy to have DD to play another time".

If people aren't assertive enough to say "no" when they want to that isn't the person who is asking's fault!

Aeroflotgirl · 31/08/2016 13:27

Exactly Jacques, by blooming honest and upfront about you charging!

MinonsMovie · 31/08/2016 13:29

If people aren't assertive enough to say "no" when they want to that isn't the person who is asking's fault!

Yes op should have refused to pay. They could have been assertive and said "no".

JacquesHammer · 31/08/2016 13:42

Has the OP paid yet?

And when put in a quite bizarre situation which is exceedingly unusual I would have thought it would be quite obvious you would be taken aback.

Must go back and start restrospectively charging for all the favours I have done people.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/08/2016 13:43

Yes she has.

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/08/2016 13:45

She should definitely cancel the fucking cheque!

MinonsMovie · 31/08/2016 13:46

Yes, she said so in one of her very few contributions.
Her silence is deafening, I assume she's seen the errors in her behaviours as she reads some of these posts and is quite embarrassed.

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/08/2016 13:48

Get over yourself minions. You're in the tiny sickly yellow minority.

dustarr73 · 31/08/2016 13:50

Either that Minions she has given up the will to live.Because certain people on this thread can't seem to grasp the fact you ask for payment before not afterand the OP has done the cm favours before.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/08/2016 13:51

Mummy GrinWink, rofl. Yes and grabby friend to, making a fast buck from op, when she could have blooming said not, but mabey we will arrange a playdate for another day.

So op, have you heard from the friend today Grin, I bet its that little yellow bullet of loveliness on here, our very own Minion Grin

MinonsMovie · 31/08/2016 13:51

And proud of it too.
I was always one in school to stand up to the bullies when the picked on someone who was unable to defend themselves.
One of my best qualities is refusing to be a sheep.

ConfusedintheNorth · 31/08/2016 13:55

Could it be that she babysits for a lot of parents at the school, and as she has a standard charge as she does this for a living and just assumed you knew? It's not like she text you inviting your daughter round, you asked her.

MinonsMovie · 31/08/2016 13:57

confused you might think you are the voice of reason. I think you are the voice of reason. But with this group of 'ladies' you're wasting your time. Confused

dustarr73 · 31/08/2016 13:57

So your only going the opposite to every body on this thread, cause you don't want to be a sheep.Hmm