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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or did I actually ask her to babysit?

442 replies

Crisscrosscranky · 28/08/2016 18:17

This is possibly massively outing.

DH and I went to a well known swedish furniture store today to pick some bits up. Our DD (9) didn't really want to come and I was having a text conversation with a good friend whilst we were discussing it. Friend mentioned she was having a day at home and I cheekily I suppose asked if DD could come over and play with her DS (also 9) for a couple of hours. She said yes and I thought nothing of it. DD and her DS are good friends - he's often come here to play including full days in Xmas hols when I am not working and his mum is.

Dropped her off at 11 and picked her up at 2 so 3 hours in total - she did have a sandwich there but I'd also packed her off with some malteasers to share with DS's son. They spent the whole 3 hours playing Lego.

When I picked DD up my friend asked me if I could have the £20 for her tomorrow as she's a bit skint Confused. I asked "what for?" and she said "babysitting- it's normally £10 per hour on a Sunday but as she came here I'll do it for less". I said yes because I was a)embarrassed and b) shocked. I never would have asked anyone to actually babysit so we could go shopping - I thought she was doing me a favour Blush

She is a childminder for her FT job but she's not my DD's minder. DD goes to school with her DS and I see mum socially without the kids normally to get drunk. Thinking about it DD has never been there to play without me but like I say her DS has been to our.

AIBU to think I was asking for a playdate hate that termor did I actually ask her to babysit?!

OP posts:
JeanGenie23 · 30/08/2016 09:57

I think it's pushing your luck to expect a childminder to work for free on a Sunday afternoon whilst you go shopping, mistakes were made on both sides.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/08/2016 09:58

A friend who can do that quite blatently without embarrassment, is no friend.

MinonsMovie · 30/08/2016 10:00

Yes I think CM has been very effective and finally set her boundaries in the friendship very well.

dustarr73 · 30/08/2016 10:13

Look conversation went like this
Op would you mind if dc go over for a couple of hours,she doesnt fancy coming wiht us.

Cm,no problem[this is the part where cm states terms and conditions]
op grand drop her over now.
cm answered the door[says nothing]
Op collects child
cm that will be 20 pound
opHmm

Plus she is a cm so used to people taking the piss and im sure has had many conversations that would have been much more awkward.

If she wanted payment she should have said so,not dropped it on her friend.

dowhatnow · 30/08/2016 10:17

I'd feel exactly the same as you op. She's not a real friend. I too, would continue the dc's friendship but I wouldn't be putting myself out to do so.

I feel sorry for her ds too. It's bloody cheeky to accept play dates from others but never reciprocate.

MinonsMovie · 30/08/2016 10:17

"minions it was a favour from a supposidly friend, not a work arrangement."

I wonder if op asked for a favour from her friend, or if she minded having her DD over while she went to the shops?

If I asked my window cleaner friend to do me a favour and do my windows before I put the Christmas tree up, id ask how much when she was finished.

If I asked my beauty therapist friend to do me a favour and squeeze me in for a quick gel polish on short notice, id ask how much when she was finished

They'd likely offer a wee discount because we are friends. But no friend ASKS their friend to work for free, especially on a Sunday. A Sunday in a bank holiday weekend.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/08/2016 10:17

Not really minions if she was that effective, she should have let op know beforehand of her charges, crafty and underhanded more like!

Aeroflotgirl · 30/08/2016 10:20

Then your friends let you know the charges beforehand. Oh I should ask money from my friend, that I looked after her 2 kids whilst she was in labour as she had nobody else, or my other friend for looking after her daughter whilst she had to take her ds somewhere. I would end up with no friends if I was like that. Friends don't work like that, and if they wanted money, they should be honest and upfront from the beginning!

MinonsMovie · 30/08/2016 10:22

Op: what are you doing today
Cm: quiet day in for us
Op: do you mind if dc go over for a couple of hours she doesn't fancy coming wiht us.
Cm:Hmm

MinonsMovie · 30/08/2016 10:25

You aren't a childminder.

MinonsMovie · 30/08/2016 10:31

My beautician, window cleaner, butcher, hairdresser, mechanic....

They don't say they are charging me, it's implied. And often when I ask the price they do me a discount (like cm did) if we are friends.

I never expect it and it's always a nice touch.

If she's very busy it's possible that it's so natural to her, and that she just assumed op would be planning to pay. Not ideal that she didn't mention it, but if she always does it that way you can understand the mistake.

She's included a discount but she's the demon! I feel sorry for her.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/08/2016 10:33

No, a friend, like op was to her friend. Totally different, this woman is not a CM for op. Then CM as a grown adult and business woman says, no sorry I have a lot on, or its not convenient, or yes but I am afraid I will have to charge, allowing op to make an informed decision, and say ok sorry no thank you. But that did not happen!

Aeroflotgirl · 30/08/2016 10:35

Minions you really are clutching at straws here. I agree op was cheeky to ask, especially as it was obvious it was not a playdate, but for CM to look after op dd whilst she went shopping. CM should have said no, sorry.

MinonsMovie · 30/08/2016 10:36

I do see your point, but I think part of the issue here is not recognising childminder as full time hardworking service provided who is entitled to a weekend or to be remunerated for working. Instead you are seeing her as a glorified sahm.

MinonsMovie · 30/08/2016 10:37

No I'm not clutching at straws, what an odd thing to say.

I'm having a discussion. Hmm

Aeroflotgirl · 30/08/2016 10:37

I agree she was cheeky, but she is a grown adult and can say no which she should have done any friend would have done.

MinonsMovie · 30/08/2016 10:39

I'm not disagreeing, she should have been clear. But to look at it from both sides it's quite a leap from thoughtless childminder to manipulative scamming friend who will stab your back for £20

dowhatnow · 30/08/2016 10:39

If she cm for the op then fair enough the extra hours would mean implied payment. There had never been any business arrangement between them and if there was going to be then, it should have been said up front.

The window cleaner analogy doesn't work because the op would previously have cleaned the window cleaners windows for free too. So in that case the response should still have been, yes but I'll have to charge you, even though you've cleaned mine for free before.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/08/2016 10:43

minions that is what she has done, and was very underhanded, that was the problem. Op when she went round to give the money, should have told her exactly how she felt, instead she did not.

MinonsMovie · 30/08/2016 10:44

Oh my. OP hasn't childminded before. She hosted a play date thT by her own admission was mutually benificial.

Say I'd done work experience with window cleaner for free to help me out and inadvertently help him out...

Should he then clean my windows for free?

MinonsMovie · 30/08/2016 10:46

Aero I will have to agree to disagree. I understand why you have your opinions but while I respect them, I can't get on board with them.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/08/2016 10:50

Same here. I cannot understand why you find it difficult to see that friend should have been honest from the start. If I were op I would not be expecting much from her tbh, my opinions would be lowered.

MinonsMovie · 30/08/2016 10:51

We are saying the same thing. The difference is perspective.

JacquesHammer · 30/08/2016 10:51

"Friend" is completely manipulative.

If she had said she didn't want to, or that she had taken a number of requests for free childcare and would charge £20 - giving the OP the choice - then fine.

I would completely refuse to pay.

"Friend" is a grown adult - she really should be able to say "no" or raise the charges. Not drop them in after the event

harverina · 30/08/2016 10:57

I can't see how the op was being cheeky? She asked if her child could have a play with the friends child - something that the op has facilitated many times in the past.

I think it is what friends do! I am a cm and wouldn't dream of charging friends for something like this. If it was a full day and affecting my earning potential then that's completely different. My friends and I frequently use each other for things like this. I find it bizarre that she would charge for this - I bet she got peace and quiet while they played!