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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or did I actually ask her to babysit?

442 replies

Crisscrosscranky · 28/08/2016 18:17

This is possibly massively outing.

DH and I went to a well known swedish furniture store today to pick some bits up. Our DD (9) didn't really want to come and I was having a text conversation with a good friend whilst we were discussing it. Friend mentioned she was having a day at home and I cheekily I suppose asked if DD could come over and play with her DS (also 9) for a couple of hours. She said yes and I thought nothing of it. DD and her DS are good friends - he's often come here to play including full days in Xmas hols when I am not working and his mum is.

Dropped her off at 11 and picked her up at 2 so 3 hours in total - she did have a sandwich there but I'd also packed her off with some malteasers to share with DS's son. They spent the whole 3 hours playing Lego.

When I picked DD up my friend asked me if I could have the £20 for her tomorrow as she's a bit skint Confused. I asked "what for?" and she said "babysitting- it's normally £10 per hour on a Sunday but as she came here I'll do it for less". I said yes because I was a)embarrassed and b) shocked. I never would have asked anyone to actually babysit so we could go shopping - I thought she was doing me a favour Blush

She is a childminder for her FT job but she's not my DD's minder. DD goes to school with her DS and I see mum socially without the kids normally to get drunk. Thinking about it DD has never been there to play without me but like I say her DS has been to our.

AIBU to think I was asking for a playdate hate that termor did I actually ask her to babysit?!

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 31/08/2016 08:49

Your right minion unfortunately op has seen that for herself, and won't make the same mistake again, mabey lower the expectations of this friend. I only have a few real mates, we help each other out, so for me charging a mate and doing it the way that op friend did is awful. That's life and not everyone thinks the same way.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/08/2016 08:53

minion totally different scenario, your dh boss is his boss and not his good mate. The one you describe is a professional working relationship op is not, this woman is her ffrient not her employer.

MinonsMovie · 31/08/2016 08:54

No. As I see it the issue here is seeing childminding as an easy faff.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/08/2016 08:57

We are seeing it differently, as op is asking a favour from a mate, like you would any mate whether they are a CM or not! As I said the woman is a mate to the op not her CM.

MinonsMovie · 31/08/2016 09:00

Hey very good friend. Can you give up your extremely precious family time where you can be completely free and comfortable with your own family to take in my stroppy 9yo who won't just join in on our family time?

....

For free.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/08/2016 09:03

Yes completely fine to ask a good mate, bit cheeky. But friend: "no I cannot sorry, I have lots to do at home. Mabey we can arrange another day where the kids can play"

MinonsMovie · 31/08/2016 09:05

In the nicest possible way I am glad my friends have more respect for me than you seem to have for yours

NickyEds · 31/08/2016 09:12

As Aero says it is a completely different scenario. They are not employer/employee but friends. Op has looked after her friends child for free on other occasions and thought that her find would do the same, only for a much shorter time. Op said on the first page that she felt they were good enough finds for her to tell her to eff off if she didn't want to take her dd so it was fair of the op to assume it was a favour. I think that the friend agreed to help as a favour and then spotted an opportunity to get £20 because she was skint. Op need to re think how good friends they actually are and decide if she want to carry on doing favours for someone who is more of an acquaintance.

MinonsMovie · 31/08/2016 09:20

Good friends don't take advantage of situations.
Good friends don't put their friends in awkward situations.
Perhaps as the afternoon wore on with 'stroppy won't join in with the family 9yo', OP friend reviewed what had happened that left her sitting with another persons child in her home on her precious Sunday off she re-evaluated of the friendship.

And maybe she decided that all P wasn't a friend she thought she was.

And so she decided to charge for her services knowing full well that the friendship wasn't what she first thought it was, and that she doesn't mind that this will ultimately cull this 'friend' out of her circle

ShelaghTurner · 31/08/2016 09:35

Are childminders exempt from reciprocal play date arrangements then? My DD1 had a sleepover, cinema and restaurant trip with her best friend. Best friend's mum is a childminder. Shit, I must owe her a fortune. What are the overnight rates?

This was petty and mean. I'd definitely review the way I dealt with her in the future.

dustarr73 · 31/08/2016 09:38

God Minions in this case it is black and white.Cm could have said no in the beginning she didnt.You cant charge people after the fact.`No matter their relationship/status.

It should be agreed on before hand.No matter how many angles you take,its still wrong.

Johnny5isAlive · 31/08/2016 09:40

Friends do favours to each other. Even if it involves their day to day job. If I was a taxi driver, nail technician, solicitor, IT expert....whatever it was - if a friend asked for my time then I'd do it without any thought for payment.
She'll have no friends left with her attitude

Willow2016 · 31/08/2016 09:48

Minions
I think you are being deliberately awkward.

Op has had the cm's kid over at XMAS to help her friend out.
OP has regularly had her friends kid over to play
CM has NEVER reciprocated. Its not unreasonable for her to return the favour at least ONCE!
She found her tongue when it came to charging her friend, why didnt she use it to either say "no" or tell her she would charge her, as op said she would have taken her ds with her if that was the case.

When you regularly let a friend take your kid for hours at a time its not unreasonable to do the same for them once in a while.

She ISN'T the OP's CM, she has never used her in that capacity.

PLUS what she did was illegal, there was no contract, no information on child taken, no emergency number noted, nothing signed therefor her registration and insurance was INVALID. If anything had happened she would have been totaly responsible, insurance wouldnt have touched her with a barge pole and she would probably have lost her registration.

She was just making a fast buck off her friend to put in her pocket.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/08/2016 09:48

Miniona you sound very cold and calculated, and heaven forbid you need a favour off a friend, or a friend needs one off you. Friends help each other out, if they cannot, or do not, they say no, not do what op 'friend' has done. I have a few real friends, we do ask each other favours occassionally, if we cannot, than we say, we don't say yes, and then charge underhandedly. That's a sure way, to loose friends. I am glad, Minion is a lone voice in the wilderness, what a sad way to behave.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/08/2016 09:50

YYYYYY Willow yes unfortunately it looks like the friend was making a fast buck from op as she was skint, not nice at all. As op has said, she will cool off the friendship, I bloody would if a good friend behaved in such a cold and calculated way.

Willow2016 · 31/08/2016 09:53

Minion:
Love your Xmas 'scenario' nothing like being dramatic!

The cm was WORKING and op offered to have her son over so she could concentrate on her minded kids as her son is 'a handful' nobody mentioned any holiday club, its obvious the cm's son was at home. (Never heard of a holiday club in the xmas holidays anyway everything is stopped once kids break up for Xmas!)

NO mattger how you dress it up, op is good enough to have cm's son often to help her our yet she cannot return the favour. Thats just selfish.

MinonsMovie · 31/08/2016 10:22

I've never disagreed that cm friend should have agreed price beforehand.

But the idea that she is manipulative over £20.... Oh please! It's just quite a leap, and you are all refusing to consider both sides.

You are magnifying the cm friends faults and minimising op faults to put it into boxes. Chalk it up to experience, move on, and frankly, grow up.

You are mothers, not playground girlfriends.

Original poster
Crisscrosscranky · 31/08/2016 10:27

I'm still not convinced that minions isn't my CM friend Confused

OP posts:
MinonsMovie · 31/08/2016 10:28

Because the things I'm surmising about your behaviour are accurate?

JacquesHammer · 31/08/2016 10:33

But the idea that she is manipulative over £20.... Oh please! It's just quite a leap, and you are all refusing to consider both sides

She was manipulative because she made no mention of the charge beforehand. She applied it retrospectively.

It is simple to consider both sides. CM was perfectly within her rights to say no. She was perfectly within her rights to say "actually I am charging £20 for favours, is that ok" - giving the OP the option.

But she didn't. She said "yes".

If CM is quite happy to use OP for free childcare, then she should absolutely be willing to reciprocate. Because thats what friends do.

MinonsMovie · 31/08/2016 10:36

One mans manipulative is another mans a bit thoughtless, I guess. I know which way I prefer seeing the world.

IceRoadDucker · 31/08/2016 10:40

It requires thought to ask someone for £20 after you've agreed to do something with no mention of money. So I know which way I see it...

MinonsMovie · 31/08/2016 10:42

Honestly if she does it all the time as her career it could easily be an over sight.

NickyEds · 31/08/2016 11:06

Minions is your friend isn't she op!!

gamerchick · 31/08/2016 11:15

Not anymore I'm guessing.