To hate the label 'full time mummy'

[ilovenautical]

Have 0 tolerance for mums that put down working mums & label themselves full time mummy's - seriously?! Does that mean working mums are part time? So when we drop child off to day care/family/CM we are no longer parents? We no longer think about DC and if they were unwell we would just wait till non working hours to see them? Grrrr infuriates me!! am I the only one?

Oh dear. It's just another way of saying SAHP. No offence intended.

I don't find the term offensive. When I'm at work I'm working, not being a parent (and all of the running around it entails). Usually when I refer to DH I say he is a SAHD, but I can just as easily see myself saying he's a full time dad (I don't because of the views on here).

When I do find offensive is the suggestion that DH is 'unemployed'. He's not looking for work, he's doing a bloody good job bringing up DD and he became a SAHD through choice, not circumstances.

Springer- good point!! This is me to a tee. Hence why the "housewife" part of my role isn't fulfilled....

SoupDragon for what it matters to you, I don't pay anyone to look after my child nor do I rely on free child care from friends & family. Both DP & I work full time shifts to enable us to care for our own child & bring home a wage. I understand that's not possible for everyone but surely judging a working parent for using child care services is no better than those (like myself) who imply being a full time parent isn't a job title.

Someone having a different opinion to you doesn't make them goady.

Don't like the term "full time mummy" just because I think its a bit cheesey. For me it conjours up images of the perfect mother with a spotless home & perfect life. When we all know the reality is far from this. It would be bloody hard work.

I used to look at my friend who was a SAHP with envy, then I had my DS, gave up work and got PND. I'm not saying I didn't love being with my son but going back to work part time helped me turn a corner. I love my kids and I like being me at work too. The money helps too.

Do what's best for you and call yourself what you like.

Writerwannabe - why do you only ask that question to the mother? I know that it's still comparatively rare but there are a fair few dad's that are SAHPs. My DP being one of them.

I think statistically wise the majority of SAHP are the mothers.

When I ask the occupation status of the parents I always ask the dad first because 95% of the time I expect him to be in work whereas with the mothers I'm completely 50/50. If the dad says he a SAHP I then turn to the mother and ask, "And what is it you do?" and they are usually in employment.

It's so difficult because I don't want to phrase it to make WOHP feel bad and nor do I want to make SAHP feel bad. It's just a very uncomfortable situation.

I do find though that mothers who are employed are more confident about their answer to my question than women who tell me they are a SAHM. It's quite sad really and just highlights how some SAHM think they are perceived by society.

Personally I just wish we could scrap the question altogether as it doesn't really have any bearing on the care we provide.

Who bloody cares what they call themselves? Worry if they start calling you offensive things. Otherwise, there are more important things to deal with.

SAHM who ended up unemployed through mat discrimination for example, WOHM who can't make ends meet because of prohibitively expensive child care WOHM who keep getting passed over for pay rises and promotion because they had children

It entirely depends who is saying it I think my sisters friend had a baby not long before me and asked was I quitting uni to be a full time mummy like her I said no and she said I'm selfish and my son will miss out on 'love' silly cow

I would never tell anyone I am a 'mummy' of any flavour.

Mummy is the name my children call/called me. It's not a label I'd attach to myself. I am a grown up.

SpringerS

There's always one 😂😂

What would you like to be called?

I work FT, but am a parent all the time: sometimes I work at home, sometimes I work in the workplace, sometimes I sit in a car park and work, sometimes I parent in the house, sometimes at school, sometimes in the car, swimming pool etc. Yesterday I did it on the M1.

I'm a mum.

You're a mum.

Stay at home mum yes. Full time mummy no. Once you have children you become a full time parent regardless of if you work outside the home as well.

Anyone who gets het up about this perfectly innocent phrase must be working through some inner guilt about going out to work.

I have worked full time and been a SAHM. I do not find this phrase annoying in the slightest. SoupDragon is entirely correct in her assessment of the situation.

Just be happy with your own choices and stop seeing insults in perfectly harmless phrases.

It all comes from work and life being defined in a very male and patriarchal way.
Women should IMHO try to be more supportive of one another whatever choices they each make within the possibilities open to them.

Like most women I've done both at different times, either additionally working outside the home or "being at home" with primary focus on my DC.

Considering so many women are "at home" caring for their children it's odd that there seems no satisfactory accepted way to describe this situation!

'Full time mum'- fine

'Full time tummy mummy' -cringe

• yummy not tummy

*Writerwannabe
*
You're right it is very rare, totally understand why you would phrase it like that. I suppose I wish it wasn't and also like you wish that women did have more confidence with the role that they play - either in the working world or being a SAHP, both of which are equally valid choices.

Apologies for going off topic all, perhaps the subject of why aren't there more stay at home dads needs its own thread. Although have a feeling that could be a very long thread indeed

It doesn't bother me personally, though I do wonder what right thinking adult would wish to label themselves purely in terms of their parental status.

Still at least it means we know which ones to give a swerve .

I imagine it's because in most cases the household requires both parents to work. Me and DH earn pretty much the same but we couldn't run our house/life on just either his or my wage.

I guess the SAHD role typically emerges in households where the family can survive on one wage and the woman's wage is the highest?

Even if we could afford a SAHP I'm pretty sure my DH would jump at the chance to do it but it would be a total nightmare!! The house would be a complete shit tip all the time, and it would probably destroy our marriage

I've got no issue with SAHM/SAHD. I HATE "full time mummy". Bleurgh!!!! I'm a full time parent, I don't stop being a parent I leave for work...

This argument is endless.

We're all parents, some stay at home, some work outside the home.

The phrase 'full time mummy' is vomitous in its tweeness. Especially when put on Facebook as someone's occupation.

I don't like the term "full time mummy" - every parent is a parent FT, regardless of whether they WOTH.

Economically Inactive is probably a better phrase than Unemployed to describe SAHP. But I'm not sure that will catch on!

I WOTH FT. My DC are school age, so for the majority of my working hours during term time they are in school. I fail to see that I do any less parenting than a SAHP who drops the DC off at school and picks them up at the end of the day. The difference is I am economically active during that time and they are not.

Someone further up the thread referred to people who 'dump' their children in daycare. That seems a very judgemental way to refer to those parents.

I was in the very fortunate position of being able to stay at home full time with my children so never had to look for daycare but the friends who did WOTH didn't 'dump' their children anywhere but took a lot of time and trouble to find the best possible child care they could afford.

Women.... Our own worst enemies.

This debate will rage on forever because for seem reason both sides are always trying to justify their choice.
Society judges both sides regardless
Sahp - workshy, lazy, not contributing to society
Wohp - why have kids if you're going to farm them out to other people to raise, wrong priorities.

Its ridiculous. Live and let live I say. If calling themselves full time mummy's gives women some validation and perhaps makes them feel they had some sort of status then I don't see any problem with that at all.

Work is not only paid labour.

By saying you are a 'working parent' are you trying to imply that sahp are really doing no work?

No, you're not? Oh, Ok then maybe full time mums aren't trying to offend you either.

Some stay at home parents are never home they are always out doing something.. should they me mortally offended that someone thinks they stay at home?

It's these threads that fuel the wohm and sahm arguments. No one cares what you do really.