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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate the label 'full time mummy'

389 replies

ilovenautical · 28/08/2016 08:42

Have 0 tolerance for mums that put down working mums & label themselves full time mummy's - seriously?! Does that mean working mums are part time? So when we drop child off to day care/family/CM we are no longer parents? We no longer think about DC and if they were unwell we would just wait till non working hours to see them? Grrrr infuriates me!! Angry am I the only one?

OP posts:
Marmalade85 · 28/08/2016 09:47

Xxx Full time mummy to my little beauts Jayden-Kai and Chantelle-Mae xxxx

Read: unemployed hun

Writerwannabe83 · 28/08/2016 09:47

I fail to see that I do any less parenting than a SAHP who drops the DC off at school and picks them up at the end of the day

That's a good point.

I'm guessing when children start school that's when the "full time mummy" becomes a SAHP instead?

BlackeyedSusan · 28/08/2016 09:49

yeah, because parents who work only ever spend all the money of themselves., right?

I think full time refers to them staying at home ... if however there is even the slightest whiff of a put down in there.. Ya definitely nbu

PushingElephantsUpStairs · 28/08/2016 09:50

Yep the scenario you describe is ours. When DP was working my salary was almost 3 times his so it made sense financially. However, i don't think I could have done it if it was the other way round. It does have the disadvantage at work of some people thinking I'm on a massive salary to be able to afford it! He was earning less than it would cost in childcare and I didn't want to impact my future earnings by going part time. Things are pretty tight and it will get much easier once our DD starts pre school and he can start working part time.

GetAHaircutCarl · 28/08/2016 09:51

I knew someone who called herself a full time mummy ( even though she has one child in university and one in boarding school) Grin.

I wonder what she calls herself now as her eldest must have graduated and her youngest be in university.

frikadela01 · 28/08/2016 09:51

Marmalade85 if that was full time mum to Tarquin and Jemima would that still read unemployed hun???? Or would that command a bit more respect?

Judgmental fuck

SparklyShinyThings · 28/08/2016 09:54

Full time mummy is a stupid expression, nobody is a part time parent if they work, volunteer, go out without the children etc. Cant believe any adult uses mummy when talking to other adults, it's a term tiny children use.

It's just a way round saying they are unemployed/don't work as housewife has died out. Men never have this issue, they either work or are unemployed.

stitchglitched · 28/08/2016 09:54

I tend to refer to myself as a SAHM because full time mummy sounds a bit wanky. But I look after a toddler and home school my older child with SN so it certainly feels like I'm 'mumming' full time. Some family members like to ask me if I might get a job or start working soon, to give myself something to do. Ha!

GetAHaircutCarl · 28/08/2016 09:54

I know lots of wealthy families with SAHMs. I've only ever heard that one woman describe herself as a full time mummy - she was universally swerved ( for all sorts of reasons).

The rest just said they didn't work. Occasionally they said they were 'at home with the DC.'

Brokenbiscuit · 28/08/2016 09:55

I hate the term "full time mummy". We can argue till the cows come home, but I wouldn't deliberately persist in using a term that offends parents who aren't in paid employment, and I find myself wondering why some people are so wedded to using the "full time parent" label when they know that others find it offensive.

In my view, childcare is just one aspect of parenting in any case. Working to put a roof over my child's head and food on the table is also part of my role as a parent, so yes, I'm still a mum when I'm at work.

PushingElephantsUpStairs · 28/08/2016 09:56

Marmalade85 Angry

WamBamThankYouMaam · 28/08/2016 09:57

All active parents are full time.

The end.

MyCatIsSparticus · 28/08/2016 09:57

I've only ever seen full time mummy on FB anyway because people want to put something in the job section because we live in a society that really gives to much of a fuck about what people do for jobs (not just in this case)

Ninasimoneinthemorning · 28/08/2016 10:02

And some of us look after our own children rather than paying someone else to to the work

A term used by one of my neighbours. 11 kids and on benefits - both parents unemployed .

I'm a SAHM (3 years now) and mostly rushed off my feet but there are times when I can sit in my arse and MN, have a cuppa ect.. some thing I know my Dh doesn't get chance to when at the office.

I take my hat off to full time working parents who then have to come home and start cleaning, cooking, home work ect.. I'm shattered by the time dd2 goes to bed, to put another shift in then would be hellish!

I think there is a lot of stigma attached to SAHP so I think this phrase 'full time mummy' makes people feel better.

My currents status is 'full time slave'

FruitCider · 28/08/2016 10:04

I have to say, I do not care if parents choose to work or choose to stay at home. What I don't like is the implication that I am a part time parent because I work full time. If my daughter becomes sick or has an accident I leave work because my child is my priority and not my job. The reason I have a job is because my family is financially better off by £1000 a month with both parents in work. If I had a minimum wage job that barely covered childcare, I would be a SAHP.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 28/08/2016 10:07

Nobody is implying you're a part time parent by saying they are a full time parent though Confused

JugglingFromHereToThere · 28/08/2016 10:07

Aww, I quite liked "full time tummy mummy" Pearl!

In the early days DS loved a good sleep on mine or DH's tummy Smile

Marmalade85 · 28/08/2016 10:07

It's only a certain type of person that uses the terminology on Facebook hun. Soon to be seen pushing various MLM products and selling homemade glittery wine glasses and ashtrays.

AllPowerfulLizardPerson · 28/08/2016 10:11

"Nobody is implying you're a part time parent by saying they are a full time parent though"

I think they are:

"I'm a full time mummy"
"so am I"
"No, you're not, you're a "

Whether a comment counts as demeaning/unfair/bullying is in the eyes/ears of the recipient. Not the intention of the person saying it.

TheHuntingOfTheSarky · 28/08/2016 10:11

I am a SAHM. I could technically go back to work, as my children are in school now. However, it would be impossible to go back to the career I had before children, for various reasons. I know that many working parents would label me as lazy for not going back to work, but any job I could realistically get would not cover the cost of the after-school and holiday childcare I would be obliged to arrange. Therefore we made a joint decision that I would stay at home, run the house and ferry the children around to their various before- and after-school activities. I don't class myself as full-time or part-time anything as such. I'm just a Mum.

Eminybob · 28/08/2016 10:13

I don't have my occupation on Facebook at all. But then again I am only friends with my actual friends and family on Facebook and they already know what I do for a living.

With regards to the full time mummy thing, I could't give a shiny shite what other people want to describe themselves as, as long as they don't judge others based on whether they are SAHPs or WOHPs. I would love to be a SAHP and would happily be if DH earn enough to support us all, but he doesn't, do I go out to work and pay for childcare. Either option is equally valid.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 28/08/2016 10:13

"I'm a full time mummy"
"so am I"
"No, you're not, you're a "

That hasn't been said though.

Someone just described themselves as a full time mum.

marcopront · 28/08/2016 10:14

A question to those of you who consider yourself full time parents. If your partner works then do you consider them a part time parent?

ShotsFired · 28/08/2016 10:16

I think it's highly twee as a label, and very one-upmanship.

On a related note, I also find it depressing the amount of women I meet at professional events, conferences, work events, who, when first introduced, state their motherhood as the first thing about them, with their job as an almost throwaway nth place comment.

In that context, you are an auditor, solicitor, marketing director - whatever you do. Nobody gives a fuck about your kids at that point in time, and it really diminishes your professional stature. Mention the family over lunch as part of natural conversation, sure, but don't let it define you as you shake the hand of the person you are meeting for the first time.

(I have not met one man who has said "Hi, i'm Bob and I'm a father of 3 and blah blah blah....oh and I also run the HR team at Jones and co")

TisConfusion · 28/08/2016 10:16

I doubt that people who use the term 'full time mummy' are trying to put down working parents. Although I personally dislike the term and I don't like SAHP much either.
There seems to be a need to put a label on everything. It's like you're either a SAHP or working parent. And some of the nastiness that comes from that divide is just crazy. What is it - jealousy, bitterness, insecurity? Why does it matter to others? We're all parents whether we're at home with the children or work outside the home - surely we can all agree that either way it's bloody hard work!? We need to support each other not go off on one over some stupid labels, that's crazy.