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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate the label 'full time mummy'

389 replies

ilovenautical · 28/08/2016 08:42

Have 0 tolerance for mums that put down working mums & label themselves full time mummy's - seriously?! Does that mean working mums are part time? So when we drop child off to day care/family/CM we are no longer parents? We no longer think about DC and if they were unwell we would just wait till non working hours to see them? Grrrr infuriates me!! am I the only one?

OP posts:

rollonthesummer · 28/08/2016 11:09

That is a housewife then, surely .

Sorry-have seen this discussion happen so many times on here over the years-was waiting for the word housewife to show up!!

DerekSprechenZeDick · 28/08/2016 11:11

I'm just a mum.

Doesn't matter where I am, I'm a mum.

When I'm out on the piss I'm still a mum. I don't need a title or label.

I have a child so it's simple. I'm a parent, always will be.

I've been a mum who doesn't work and now I'm a mum who does work. So what. Mums a mum.

Thought I prefer on the piss mum

jellycat1 · 28/08/2016 11:17

I'm the ultimate 'part timer' by some of your standards. We have a nanny because DH and I both have full time, funny hours jobs and have to travel a fair bit with work, so we need her. However am on mat leave and despite all my best intentions to do loads of things with the kids, in reality I can't wait for them all to bugger off the park so I can watch dance moms! I have 2 under 2 though so you can probably understand!

DerekSprechenZeDick · 28/08/2016 11:18

2 under 2?! I'd get 3 nannies, 1 each for kids and one to mind me

manyathingyouknow · 28/08/2016 11:18

I hate the term full time mummy. I get some women choose to stay and home and that's their choice and I wouldn't call them unemployed per se.....they definitely aren't employed though....do they pay tax and NIC...if not then technically they're not employed.

I've done both btw.

RainyDaisy · 28/08/2016 11:19

If your child is in childcare then you are delegating some of the parenting to somebody else. You can't work full time and be a full time mother, it doesn't add up.
same applies to dad's.

So what's your argument when kids are at school:

Mum A stays home while kids are at school

Mum B works part-time school hours

So by your reckoning, they're now both "part-time" Mums as the kids are at school???

jellycat1 · 28/08/2016 11:20

derek at the risk of outing myself, we've actually decided to emigrate to the Middle East next year so we can do exactly that!!

DerekSprechenZeDick · 28/08/2016 11:34

That is genius. I don't blame you at all. Get a spare nanny as a back up as well

Zippidydoodah · 28/08/2016 12:23

A question to those of you who consider yourself full time parents. If your partner works then do you consider them a part time parent?

You know what? Yes, I do.

Munstermonchgirl · 28/08/2016 12:35

You realise this all fades into insignificance when the children grow up?

We have 3dcs and I did various combinations of part time work while they were all pre school age. By the time dc3 came along it was more about keeping my hand in at work, certainly not for any immediate financial benefit after childcare x3! My dc had different experiences of childcare - dc1 with a childminder, dc2 and 3 with nursery, and then they all went to breakfast and after school club when I stepped back up to f/t work when the youngest was 4.

All 3 dc seem pretty sorted and well adjusted, they all did well in school exams, uni, get on well socially etc

If you met them, you wouldn't know which one was in childcare at 12 weeks old and which one had me at home for over a year. Neither would you be able to detect which of their friends had mums who stayed at home full time for years and years.

The angst and divisiveness seem such a big deal when you're going through it. It really doesn't when you're out the other side

Just5minswithDacre · 28/08/2016 12:37

It's only on here that I see people looking down their noses at other people's choices, defending their corner to use terms that other people find offensive

Or going out of their way to find other people's self-descriptions offensive

I cannot understand this thing of thinking what someone else calls themselves is somehow about you.

JemimaMuddledUp · 28/08/2016 12:37

cherry by the previous definition though, housework while the DC are at school isn't parenting.

I work FT, but worked PT when the DC were small. I also took 3 lots of maternity leave, where I was at home the whole time. DH has worked FT throughout. At no point has he been less of a parent than I have.

schbittery · 28/08/2016 12:42

i agree with you, id be embarrassed to describe myself as a full time mummy. How can you be a part time one. Even worse, someone i know has listed their occupation on facebook as "housewife" - in 2016!

Why cant women just say Im working at the moment/im not working at the moment like men can - irrespective of whether they are also parents as well.

Inshock73 · 28/08/2016 12:43

Wow lots of nasty sniping comments on here today! I'm a full time mummy and I work full time. I still count as being a full time mummy because my day starts whenever my DD wakes which is normally between 4 and 5am. I see to her whilst I (try) get ready for work, I then work a full time job and spend my lunch hour running family errands e.g.: food shopping/trips to Boots, I then leave work and race home to do dinner, have play time, give a bath, put to bed, before I start doing household chores before falling in to bed myself. Do I get two gold stars??

This is exactly why there's no such thing as 'sisterhood' it's NOT a competition!!

MaryField · 28/08/2016 12:46

Maybe full-time mother needs to be amended to full-time mothering and then no one would be offended.

DerekSprechenZeDick · 28/08/2016 12:49

Well fuck you lot I'm a Yummy Mummy

debbs77 · 28/08/2016 12:52

I refer to myself as a full time mum because I am one! But I am also self employed as I run three businesses when my children are in bed

imwithspud · 28/08/2016 12:56

Seriously? I don't use the term full time mum but I can't get annoyed at those who do. Often when people use that term they're not thinking about how other people might interpret it, they're doing it for themselves.

How self absorbed to assume that anyone who uses a certain label is automatically slating people who do things differently to them.

Just5minswithDacre · 28/08/2016 12:58

Munster has nailed it.

All these weird snipey posts and one upmanship are like letters from the battlefield. They seem really odd to anyone not in the thick of it, I think.

It just doesn't matter what combination of work/home you do as long as the DC are cared for and happy.

TotallySpies17 · 28/08/2016 13:01

OP it irrationally pisses me off too!

Brokenbiscuit · 28/08/2016 13:01

Maybe full-time mother needs to be amended to full-time mothering and then no one would be offended.

But why is "mothering" equated to childcare? Being a mother is about so much more than childcare. I'm as much a mother when dd is in school or with DH as when she is with me.

Do those who think parenting/mothering is only about childcare have children who don't need to eat? Where do their clothes come from? Their books, their toys? Whose responsibility is it to ensure that they have adequate housing? Who pays for their clubs and hobbies? For me, providing for my DC is a big part of being a parent.

I'm not actually offended by whatever anyone else chooses to call themselves, because I'm genuinely happy with my own choices, but I also know women who genuinely don't have a choice. And let's not pretend that language doesn't matter. I really don't want my dd growing up in a society which regards mothers who are in paid employment as part-time parents, any more than I want her to equate staying home with children with being unemployed.

TotallySpies17 · 28/08/2016 13:04

If your child is in childcare then you are delegating some of the parenting to somebody else
Would you say the same when kids are at school?

Zoolander · 28/08/2016 13:07

Isn't it just a modern way of saying housewife?

Advicepls7080 · 28/08/2016 13:12

It's not delegating parenting though really is it? Unless you class having people babysitting at delegating and them going to school and staying in their grandparents or whatever.

People have childcare because they need it, can't leave your kids at home alone can you. It's still parenting. You don't stop parenting once you're not in the same building as your child

Ragwort · 28/08/2016 13:16

I hate any 'labelling' as if our value as a person is measured purely in our economic contribution.

I actually dislike the term SAHM as it implies that you are literally 'staying at home' ........... I had the best few years of my life as a SAHM - mostly because I was fortunate to have a DH who earned a decent salary (and everything was shared) and I could be out and about doing whatever I wanted ...... esp. when DC were at at nursery/school .

Equally agree that the expression 'full time mummy' is so twee, do grown women really describe themsleves like that?

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