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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let DS live with my parents.

216 replies

Awaitingthedreamboat · 26/08/2016 14:15

To cut a long story short, we have had a lot of issues with DS1. Behavioural problems and jealousy towards his 3 younger siblings.

He is 8. The 3 little ones are under 3.
I came to a head yesterday and said to my parents I cannot emotionally or physically carry on with his behaviour, even DH is stressed.

Dad text today stating DS1 can live there Sun-Thurs and we will have him back Friday and Saturday.

I'm not sure what to do, our family will fall apart otherwise but I feel so guilty.

OP posts:
Original poster
Awaitingthedreamboat · 28/08/2016 19:36

Just looking at pictures of my children, crying.
I know that I'll lose them. I wish I could end it all 😔

OP posts:
tigertreats · 28/08/2016 19:39

OP Please know that you are a great mom and doing your best . I've been reading the thread and lots of people are very positive that this will work for you - I really hope it does.
X

ninja · 28/08/2016 19:42

There are lots of children brought up with help from Grandparents, in Ireland it seems to be quite normal! If he's happy about the idea of spending more time there with his uncles and it gives you the energy to spend more positive time with him then I'd say it's worth a try.

There are also plenty of children with separated parents who see one parent at most half the time and still have positive relationships.

Every family is different.

Good Luck.

Merrymumoftwo · 28/08/2016 19:45

OP have read the whole thread. Seems you have a solid plan to try to settle things. When the social worker comes explain your sons issues and if you have paperwork on the people he has seen show that too. Say that you are trying out a short term solution to give everyone, including him, respite but need help to get a long term solution that works for everybody. Good luck raising SN children is not easy

Rachcakes · 28/08/2016 19:50

OP I really do understand. We were under so much pressure. My boy wasn't getting the help he needed at school, CAMHS discharged him, my younger son was affected badly, my husband (not their dad) moved out for a while because he couldn't cope.
Making the choice for him to live at my mums during the week has turned our lives around. He moved school and is now properly supported. He gets the 1-1 help he needs with his homework.
Try not to fret. Hard I know. This is your rock bottom, your breaking point. From here on things change Flowers

Secretmetalfan · 28/08/2016 20:00

Sounds like he is lashing out at the changes. If anything can your DP help look after the younger ones to give you more time with DS 1? I suspect him being sent to live with DP will make matters worse not better. Any chance of counselling?

Stevefromstevenage · 28/08/2016 20:06

No you will not lose them Awaiting that is the haze of exhaustion speaking. You are doing the best you can in an incredibly stressful situation. I really hope you get some support but now it sounds like it is time to take some respite from your parents. I really hope things improve soon. Flowers

Capricorn76 · 28/08/2016 21:06

I'm the sibling of a violent child with undiagnosed SN. Take up the grandparents offer as your other children deserve to grow up free from abuse in their own home. Your son will still be with family and you will see him often.

My childhood was ruined by physical and mental abuse. My parents had no time for me as all of their energy was focused on DBs behaviour.

AcrossthePond55 · 28/08/2016 21:15

Awaiting, your plan for your son to stay with your parents and then do a 'step down' approach to returning home is a good one. Don't let the hysterical nay-sayers stop you from trying it.

The important thing is that your DS be with people who love him and that calm returns to your home. With your parents, both things will be accomplished.

April229 · 28/08/2016 21:36

Sounds like you could do with some rest it, might help him too. Could he go there for those days for a weeks break for all of you and then have a think.

Maybe if not ever week you could make it one week a month away? He could see it as a treat to stay with them if he has been good while at home? Extra one to one time, time away from the siblings that he finds difficult.....

FTM89 · 28/08/2016 21:43

Oh awaiting there's no reason for you to lose your kids, you are asking for support. Anyone would be struggling in your shoes, please don't beat yourself up Flowers

midnightlurker · 28/08/2016 21:56

You won't lose them. Your son needs help and his siblings need a break. The family I know where one child left to live away from a sibling with special needs - they are all friends now, all doing well, all have a good relationship with Mum and each other. In fact the child who left has done really well for himself, and the one with special needs has a job and friends and a good, stable life. You will get there too. It won't be easy but you can do it.

Dizzybintess · 29/08/2016 00:22

There was a programme on bbc about a little girl who sounded similar they diagnosed her with "demand avoidance" I had never heard of it but support certainly helped. Also pet therapy too

Corialanusburt · 29/08/2016 00:35

Take up your parents' offer. You all could do with it. He appears to have extreme issues which can't be resolved at home as things stand.

Dizzybintess · 29/08/2016 00:35

The programme was called Born Naughty? And it is on you tube. I work in an educational setting and it was very enlightening.
Another thing that may be affecting him is sensory processing disorder.

NoFucksImAQueen · 10/09/2016 22:59

I hope things are better now op. I have been thinking of you

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