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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pick the bigger/nicer house

425 replies

SiriusBlackDeservedBetter · 25/08/2016 21:47

All names/locations have all been changed.

My Great Uncle had no kids and passed away months ago, recently his solicitor got into contact, which was rather suprising as although he had some money, I didn't think I'd get anything at all.

He's left my sister and I a house each, the issue is with the way his Will is written. It states:

'I leave Rose either the Birchwood house or the Maple house to choose from and then Lily may have whichever one has not been chosen'

This means that I get first pick of 2 houses and then my sister can have whichever one I don't pick.

I don't know why he's written it up like that, we both barely saw or even knew him.

My sister and I both have homes of our own, I have a 2 bed house with 1 DC and she has a 3 bed house with 4 DC.

Birchwood House is absolutely lovely, it's 4 beds, a dining room, a massive garden and it's only 20 mins away from our current location.

Whereas Maple House is an hour and a half away, in a rural area, it's a bungalow with 3 beds.

I want to pick Birchwood house and live in it and either sell or rent out our current property, DSis thinks that that would be really selfish of me as she needs the space more and as her kids are older it would be too disruptive to move them any further then our current location, but I think she could sell Maple House and her current house and upgrade and stay in the area, she argues that I could do the same, which is true.

OP posts:
Bobochic · 27/08/2016 08:35

What a crazy post, Boa. The will is signed and sealed. It is not for anyone to hypothesize that the deceased and his solicitor did a crap job!

Ireallydontseewhy · 27/08/2016 09:31

I think a will is the best indication there is of a person's wishes at the time they make it - it is a reasonable amount of trouble to make one and get it properly witnessed. What can happen is that people don't get round to reviewing and remaking wills later on, as it is a faff, costs money etc, so the will no longer reflects what they now want to happen. But even then, they could have changed it but didn't, so in a way the will is still what they wanted - unless they've forgotten about it altogether.

Witchend · 27/08/2016 11:25

What a strange idea from Boa.
I think it's highly unlikely that the solicitor and the great uncle made a mistake in the wording.
If the uncle had wanted you to sell the properties and split the money he could have said that.

I'd also have more sympathy for the sister if she was suggesting that. No she isn't, she's asking for the better one. She's not ashamed to try and get the bigger one.

But also I'd guess the GU left the properties because he wanted them to have them. Op thinks if her dsis gets the bigger property she will just use it as a Ste to get a bigger one. So a few years down the line neither property will be owned by the family.

If OP takes it then she'll keep it, so it will stay in the family, which I suspect is what GU wanted.

Op thinks that her dsis just doesn't want the hassle of selling two properties. I suspect the money side also does come in, be amazed if that hadn't occurred to the sister.
However it means she gets the hassle instead. So even if that was entirely her dsis' thought, she's still wanting herself to have a better position at expense of the OP.

Op take what you want out of it. It's not about being the better person. The person who is making it about that is just out for what they can get. And that may well be why you got the choice rather than sister: Because you come across as the nicer one.

Dogolphin · 27/08/2016 11:31

You will resent your sister if you don't take Birchwood, and you will be giving some of your child's potential inheritance to your sisters children.

Stick to the will, accept the house you like and move to better school catchments.

BoffinMum · 27/08/2016 11:46

I wouldn't knock Boa too much. I have seen this happen before in RL. It certainly explains the oddities of this,

Vipermisnomer · 27/08/2016 11:48

The deceased wishes should be observed and respected accordingly. Uncle hasn't asked that OP and sister sell up and split the proceeds or that OP splits any benefits with her sister. He has quite specifically said take the one you want - the other goes to sister.

Perhaps he knew the personalities involved and wanted the nicer house to be cherished but knew that could not be forced.

OP do as asked and stop feeling beholden to your sister - you are both very fortunate and should respect the will. I think your uncle knew exactly what he was doing and was looking out for you and his property, stop feeling guilty and do as he asked!

RedHelenB · 27/08/2016 11:56

Is your sister younger than you? Because if you are older I think that is why you get first pick via the will but that is just custom rather than a distant uncle knowing you will love and cherish his house. Only you know but if there is no real reason for you having first dibs in term,s of closeness to your uncle then anything other than half and half money wise is you being greedy. Also, as your dsis kids are in schools already in the catchment area then i can see why your sis wouldn't want to move a way away.

mummytofourbabies · 27/08/2016 11:58

Thing is you have already said if it was her that got to chose she would chose birchwood regardless of what you wanted, if that's the case then you chose which one you want if she's not happy or wants to cause a fall out over it then that's her choice let her get on with it.
She should be thankful for what she's getting

CodyKing · 27/08/2016 12:24

OP is the younger sister

Housewife2010 · 27/08/2016 12:32

I would choose the one you want as per the will. I am sure your uncle would be happy that you will live in it. Your sister can sell her house and then move to a bigger house in f she wishes. You are both getting a house each which is fantastic.

RedHelenB · 27/08/2016 12:37

Ok that slightly changes things BUT I would still do a fair split financially because to do otherwise cpould ruin your relationship with surviving family.

lasttimeround · 27/08/2016 13:04

Do what the will says. Pick the house you want dnd your sister gets the other one. If that house is birch wood she will have to live with your choice. She's being selfish and entitled pestering you to chose how she wants. Enjoy whichever house you pick.

FTM89 · 27/08/2016 13:29

Yesterday 17:08 DoinItFine

I don't get this be the bigger person bullshit.

^Me neither.

Be the person in the bigger house.^

Grin
Atenco · 27/08/2016 14:16

"OP is the younger sister"
"Ok that slightly changes things..."

Why would their order of birth change things?

tankerdale · 27/08/2016 14:39

I would have both valued then if possible even it up so if you picked the more valuable house, she got the smaller house plus some cash to make it even, or the other way round. Of course you don't have to, but that's what I'd do with my siblings to keep it fair and to prevent long term resentment.

ShelaghTurner · 27/08/2016 16:13

Why is the op not allowed to resent her sister for putting her in this position? There's plenty of 'you should do this and you should do that'. The sister is the one causing the problem so why on earth should the op jump through hoops to keep her quiet.

RedHelenB · 27/08/2016 18:24

Atenco - because if she was the oldest then Uncle may have just thought oldest should have first dibs, so there is maybe more reason for him doing the will the way he has.

Gyderlily · 27/08/2016 19:26

Pick the one you want... If the situation was reversed im certain she'd do the same!

Happyinthehazeofadrunkenhour · 27/08/2016 19:30

She should be grateful she's got anything at all. The choice is yours so go for the one you'd prefer. A once in a lifetime opportunity.

BombadierFritz · 27/08/2016 19:55

Shame your sister doesn't sound very fairminded.

Just a general point on wills. Some people are dicks in life and divide and rule. They continue this unfairness in death via wills. It's perfectly honourable and fair to agree to change the will after death so the game playing stops at that generation. Often family are so conditioned they can't be fair. It's sad.

2kids2dogsnosense · 27/08/2016 19:59

Take the house you want.

Giving into blackmail won't make your sister love you more - she will just realise that she can bully you and this will continue forever and you and your family will lose out every time.

Your uncle wanted YOU to have the choice - respect his wishes.

BeauHeaux · 28/08/2016 08:12

Your sister is chancing her arm here. If this was a parent's Will I would absolutely be splitting the difference in the interests of fairness, but it's not, it's a random unexpected windfall from a distant relative. Take the house you want, and don't offer her compensation just because you got luckier! Your poor cousin who didn't get a jot must be seething, your sister should be counting herself lucky she got a house at all!! Enjoy the house!!

Anniegetyourgun · 28/08/2016 08:37

Anyone remember a thread a while ago where someone inherited a house with a sitting tenant who paid a peppercorn rent, and one poster's solution was to give the house to the tenant? At least the one on this thread is a family member...

Creampastry · 28/08/2016 09:17

take birch wood, otherwise you'll resent your sister and dh. It's what the will says. If you take maple, you'll be kicking yourself forever. How secure is your marriage, could this be a lifeline?

Creampastry · 28/08/2016 09:20

Don't commit to giving dsis any money yet, you may need it to do up the house - rewiribg etc. Plus you have to provide for for your kids going to uni etc.

Would your days do the same for you? Doesn't sound like it.