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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pick the bigger/nicer house

425 replies

SiriusBlackDeservedBetter · 25/08/2016 21:47

All names/locations have all been changed.

My Great Uncle had no kids and passed away months ago, recently his solicitor got into contact, which was rather suprising as although he had some money, I didn't think I'd get anything at all.

He's left my sister and I a house each, the issue is with the way his Will is written. It states:

'I leave Rose either the Birchwood house or the Maple house to choose from and then Lily may have whichever one has not been chosen'

This means that I get first pick of 2 houses and then my sister can have whichever one I don't pick.

I don't know why he's written it up like that, we both barely saw or even knew him.

My sister and I both have homes of our own, I have a 2 bed house with 1 DC and she has a 3 bed house with 4 DC.

Birchwood House is absolutely lovely, it's 4 beds, a dining room, a massive garden and it's only 20 mins away from our current location.

Whereas Maple House is an hour and a half away, in a rural area, it's a bungalow with 3 beds.

I want to pick Birchwood house and live in it and either sell or rent out our current property, DSis thinks that that would be really selfish of me as she needs the space more and as her kids are older it would be too disruptive to move them any further then our current location, but I think she could sell Maple House and her current house and upgrade and stay in the area, she argues that I could do the same, which is true.

OP posts:
EatsShitAndLeaves · 26/08/2016 12:53

I don't think splitting the value of the 2 houses is necessarily fair either - though lots of people have suggested it.

DS already has a bigger and presumably more valuable asset than the OP in the form of her own home.

Maybe this is exactly why the will gave the OP the choice.

You also need to think about the bigger picture in terms of income etc - which we don't know.

If the DS has a greater family earning potential then that makes a 50/50 split even more unfair.

In this case isn't it the DS whose is being unreasonable and wanting more than a fair share?

EatsShitAndLeaves · 26/08/2016 12:59

Sorry pressed post too soon.

Also maintaining the relationship should be a priority for BOTH sisters.

I don't see much evidence of this from what the OP has posted.

Maintaining the relationship shouldn't mean the OP rolling over backwards and giving in to what her sister wants at all her own expense.

Being fair doesn't always mean being equal and there are lot of factors here about income and current house values that will be important in determining what "fair" amounts to.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 26/08/2016 13:07

This is crazy - you should 100% choose Birchwood, she'd do the same and is BVU griping about it. If the shoe were on the other foot she'd do what's best for her own family without a backward glance - you need to do the same.

WanderingNotLost · 26/08/2016 13:14

Take the house OP. Your sis will get over it when she's used the proceeds of selling 2 houses to buy a home she wants.

RedHelenB · 26/08/2016 13:21

Monetary value should be evened up, no question about it as anything else makes the OP greedy. But yes, you do have the choice to have the house you want and I think you need to say this to sis. What about inheritance tax?

Hufflepuffin · 26/08/2016 13:28

*And I do think if 3/4years DSis would sell Birchwood whereas I do think of it as a forever home.

You do seem to be making moral judgements about your sister, OP. Maybe maintaining the relationship isn't your top priority?*

This didn't sound like a moral judgement to me, more like if she's just going to sell it anyway, why not have the bungalow and sell that now?

DeadGood · 26/08/2016 13:29

"Monetary value should be evened up, no question about it as anything else makes the OP greedy."

Ha! That's settled then! I take it you haven't read the posts about respecting the deceased's wishes, RedHelen - also "greedy" is a really ugly word - also OP already answered bout IHT.

OP, I think you are doing the right thing. Would you consider asking your sister what she would do in your shoes? I know you already know the answer, but maybe you should make her say the words.

And finally, have you considered passing any of the proceeds of the house sale on to your cousin? I know that your Great Uncle may be expecting the house [that he left to his sister] to go to him one day, but it often doesn't work like that these days. IHT/theft/selling to pay for care may remove that possibility from your cousin which would be a shame

DeadGood · 26/08/2016 13:29

"Sorry pressed post too soon.

Also maintaining the relationship should be a priority for BOTH sisters.

I don't see much evidence of this from what the OP has posted.

Maintaining the relationship shouldn't mean the OP rolling over backwards and giving in to what her sister wants at all her own expense.

Being fair doesn't always mean being equal and there are lot of factors here about income and current house values that will be important in determining what "fair" amounts to."

agree!

Boysnme · 26/08/2016 13:31

If it were me and my brother we would sell both houses and split evenly or whoever got the better house would give the other half the difference so we ended up with the same value. If the problem here is that your sister only wants the bigger house and isn't prepared to compromise on that, I'd just follow the will and choose what one I wanted.

Bodicea · 26/08/2016 13:36

If it was me I would sell both houses and split the proceeds as that we as that seems the most Fairfield one house better than the other. If your sister doesn't want to do that then I would take the better house - it's one thing expecting you to play fair, it's quite another expecting you to come off worse for it.

Bodicea · 26/08/2016 13:38
  • Fair, if
RedHelenB · 26/08/2016 13:40

The obvious thing to do is to sell both houses but as OP has first dibs and would like to live in one of them then that's fair enough. I honestly do not think if the situation were reversed she would be happy, so yes anything other than evening things up monetarywise IS greedy.

TheOddity · 26/08/2016 13:41

I dont understand why people think you should ignore your great uncle's wishes.

If Dsis won money on the pools tomorrow, would she give you half? No. And that is completely luck. This inheritance is not actually luck. it was written deliberately this way. Even pulling straws would be giving her another shot at what was already chance!

I think your approach is more than generous. My sis would never have asked but I would share equally because she isn't grabby.

Hufflepuffin · 26/08/2016 13:42

I think it's nicer to the deceased to keep the actual house if you want it, that's why I like the idea of evening up the value as other posters have suggested.

But it does sound like your sister is being unreasonable so if you ultimately change your mind about doing that I wouldn't beat yourself up, OP!

nursepearl · 26/08/2016 13:47

I wouldnt want to fall out with my sister over this, it may cause a real rift between you forever. People are saying its your uncles wish and nice as that is, you say you didn't know him so your relationship with your sister and your kids with their cousins is surely more important, money issues can carry on down the generations too.

Sell both houses and split the money equally, you could both buy lovely houses with the proceeds and your own properties combined.

CodyKing · 26/08/2016 13:52

You could look at the bedrooms

You would have 2 plus 4

She would have 3 plus 3

So that's equal - she could buy her bigger house or rent the bungalow and use the equity to buy a bigger house or extend

You are both better off !

Are they in the same condition?

MrsHam13 · 26/08/2016 14:06

I'd do as the will says. Choose the house you like and live in it. Why should she get a lump sum when she is being so entitled. she didn't even know she was getting anything and she got a house and still isn't happy ffs! She's acting like a spoilt brat. Perhaps that's why he chose you to pick first.

Bet she wouldnt of sold then split the proceeds if she could of chose Broch wood first and wouldn't of have given you the cash difference. Seems like she needs to learn she can't always get what she wants when she wants just because she's stamped her feet.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 26/08/2016 14:20

DSis thinks that that would be really selfish of me as she needs the space more and as her kids are older it would be too disruptive to move them any further then our current location

I think this is a bit of a red herring because she wouldn't be moving her family into another three bed property anyway, there wouldn't be much point, unless it was significantly bigger. Are they really struggling for space at the moment, or would it just be nicer to have more room?
You could take the view that as her kids are older she's not going to need the bigger home for as long.

The real point though is that you love the Birchwood House and would want to stay there long term whereas for your sister it would probably be a shorter term fix. There would be no point in selling a house in order to achieve parity because of all the costs involved and the stamp duty on any new purchase.

I don't think it's right that your sister calls you selfish for doing what suits you best because that's what she'd be doing if she had the chance. Unfortunately, despite a whacking and unexpected inheritance, one of you is going to be unhappy about how it's settled, which is such a shame.

KatharinaRosalie · 26/08/2016 14:23

I might have missed this, but if you let sister have the bigger house, has she offered to give you the difference?

We had a similar situation, my sister and I were both given the same collection of items by relatives, but hers was significantly bigger and more valuable. I was whining quite a bit and demanding that those should be shared equally. Only difference was that I was 6 years old.

If the same happened now, yes I would briefly wonder why great uncle preferred her, but then go 'Yay! free house!!'

Secretmetalfan · 26/08/2016 14:27

Just because your sister has more kids doesn't give her priority, if you ended up with 4 would she give the house back???? What when her kids move out? Would you get the house back then? This has nothing to do with the number of kids and everything to do with your uncles wishes. You have three choices sell both houses and split the proceeds, have both houses valued and give her half the difference, act in accordance with your uncles wishes and explain the number of children she chose to have is irrelevant. She currently manages in a3 bed and by selling the other house she could prob upgrade to s 5bed so her kids could have a bedroom each.

MrsCampbellBlack · 26/08/2016 14:35

Are you a lot better off than your sister or is she better off than you?

I just really think you should do as the will said - as many have said - she's been given a valuable asset.

LeaveMyWingsBehindMe · 26/08/2016 14:43

This is very tricky and quite unfair of your uncle to make it so awkward for you. Of course in theory you should just have the house you want but given that it's a quite a bizarre decision for his to favour you over your sister for no particular reason, I'd say you should perhaps keep the house you want, but agree to pay her half of the difference between the value between the Birchwood house and the Maple house.

That way, neither one of you is favoured financially and she can sell the Maple house and upgrade to a house of similar calibre to the Birchwood house.

So if Birchwood is worth 200k and Maple is worth 150k, give her 25k then you both have an inheritance worth 175k. That seems fair.

GenghisCalm · 26/08/2016 14:58

I have reading this with interest and I am intrigued by the comments of others and what would they truly and honestly would do.

I don't think that you have a hard decision to make either move an hour and a half away to an OK house or just down the road to a house you love.

OP, you were left the choice of which of the two houses do you want - not what house does your sister want. I don't think that your sisters wants should have any bearing on your choice I understand that she is family and that you love her, but if she had the decision to make would she take second best to keep you happy?

Also try and think what house would your children prefer to be left in your will?

I have a twin sister who I love dearly but if this was a situation I found myself in with a tale of two houses it would be my children's future and my happiness that I would consider first.

BoffinMum · 26/08/2016 15:04

What does your sister think about this?

GenghisCalm · 26/08/2016 15:08

Also I would not entertain giving her any difference in money between the value of the houses. It was stated that you have one house each and not a set value I don't understand what being fair has to do with it your sister will get a house and you get a house.

My Nan's will stated that everything would be sold and out of the money her children's mortgages would be cleared and any money left after that would be split between the grandchildren. My dad had paid his mortgage off but his brother who was a "surprise" baby (when Nan was in her mid40's) had a huge mortgage and took all the money.