AIBU to start a thread about smut, filth, innuendo and men in white coats?

[ItShouldHaveBeenJess]

Because I am smutty, filthy and like men in white coats.

It might be

.

Jealous lot

Pics of Poldark do nothing for me

They so do, DrSeth

YY Seth DIY aint the same. The intimacy is missing. When sexless threads sometimes appear on here there are the odd one or two who tell a bloke to just have a wank or when its a woman posting to buy a vibrator. Stupid advice probably from ppl who dont understand or dont like sex themselves.

(obvs im not meaning the temporary cessation of it after a baby has come along)

Its my ex OMs 60th birthday today (he has the same birthday as my best friend) havent seen him for over 8 and a half years and i dont miss him but i sometimes miss the nicer bits of what we had. I did have an ONS 2 years ago after DH agreed to an open marriage but it was so painful. The guy stopped immediately when i told him it was. It could be that its because i havent had /dont have sex for a long time because smear tests are just as painful ...they make my eyes water. Im due another one next year. Id skip it but women have to have them if they have EVER had sex so you cant just stop having them. But it bloody hurts.

At the moment i miss being hugged. And i miss intimacy. Most of the time im fine. Im a pretty strong woman. I think the weight loss has made me feel more confident and dare i say it..........a bit sexier.

Bit too serious for this thread..........sorry.

Sorry Helena

Poor you Helena. I miss cuddles too. My ex was never very affectionate; even if I was upset about something. And the sex wasn't very adventurous either.....

Oh, well. Twenty minutes to go....

Portia..............you have been one of the ones making me giggle on here Thankyou.

Twenty minutes and hes leaving? So you have a Bank Hol Monday free? So Seth could make a house call

helena. Yes!

Am feeling very stressed so would like the good Dr to suggest some relaxation techniques.....

thats good Helena

Jess I'll give Mikey a call and get him to cheer you up

portia. I'm good now. Just feel the need to quietly bang my head against the table for a few minutes. You guys carry on...

Jess Nothing wrong with a damn good banging

I think it's exactly what I need right now, DrSeth. Glad you approve.

I'll get my (white) coat

Hurry, DrSeth - it's an emergency...

In the meantime, will practice my deep throat breathing exercises.

And possibly check the vegetable drawer.

Don't do anything daft like hyperventilate or have an asthma attack or anything while you wait.

oh my GOD

Asthma, DrSeth? What makes you think that? Are you diagnosing online now? just because you leave me breathless

Will have you know, am very fit...

I guessed the fit bit when you said you were very flexible.

I assumed you wouldn't need to practice deep breathing exercises unless you had a pre-exising condition.

Dont forget the screens Seth