Baby shower - shit friend

[Captainkanga]

My dislike of baby showers is well known amongst my friends. For multiple reasons that I don't want to get into I would rather wait until the baby has arrived and then take gifts and celebrate the new arrival. On all occasions I've been invited to them I politely decline and send my well wishes - they're not my cup of tea but I hope the mother to be has a wonderful afternoon etc. Never an issue.

Today a close friend has emailed me with a list of dates to decide which one would be most suitable to hold our mutual friends baby shower on, so i replied stating that you're aware they're not my thing, but it's lovely of you to arrange one for her and that she's sure to have a great time.

She's emailed back the following;

"Captainkanga are you actually serious? Fair enough that you don't want a baby shower but I can't believe you're not even going to contribute or show your face at this one!! We would have arranged one for you so why can't you do the same for friend?! You're going to make it so awkward for the rest of us and it looks like you're attention seeking by making a point of not coming. I can't believe you're being this selfish!"

I'm so annoyed! I wouldn't expect a friend to do something they're uncomfortable with/ didn't believe in for me, so why on earth should I be guilted into contributing and attending this bloody baby shower?!

I've replied "as you know they're not something I agree with, but I hope you have a great time and friend will be so pleased you've held one for her" but the urge to type " JUST FUCKING FUCK OFF YOU GRABBY COW" Was a strong one.

I'm going to silently seethe and ignore any argumentative replies she sends me, but surely I can't be the only one who feels like this? I really don't give a shit if this outs me, I'm so annoyed right now!

Phalenopsisgirl did you read any of the thread?

"...and bowing out is quite passive aggressively showing your disapproval. It's not about you, if your friend is a friend you'll realise sometimes friends need to be there even when it's not their kind of thing."

The Op is not bowing out she is refusing (as a pregnant women herself who does not want to attend a baby shower) to help to organise and pay for the event. She has plenty of reasons not to want to attend, or organise such an event. This does not detract one iota from the fact your baby shower or my son's 'baby' shower were lovely and fine events.

Why should one pregnant woman need to buy another a gift before a baby is even born!

I hate them like I hate most imported American cultural traditions.

YANBU

All this baby shower , school proms and wedding list demands get on my wick, load of bollocks the lot of it.

Phalenopsisgirl

I vow this is not meant aggressively but have you ever had fertility issues or lost a baby? I only ask as I would have been 100% of the same opinion as you until a fortnight ago when it happened to me.

Now my perspective on many things that I'd have previously been on the side of "get over it" has changed.

To me, the emotional (and physical) impact has been immeasurably greater than I could've imagined and that is why respectfully I think it's just the situation is so unfair on the OP.

I just think that the impact doesn't really register until it happens to you. That's my viewpoint anyway.

Be kind.

Rainbunny, that is BRILLIANT!

Well I have never been to one because in my child bearing years nobody had heard of them in the UK, but I have always thought they sound like a hellish idea.

Now I learn from this thread that not only do they have no alcohol but they also involve cupcakes. Sheesh! Who would want to go to that? YANBU

Someone said 'rubber duckie' some one pro baby shower.

'Rubber duckie' I'm not going to sleep well.

"I hate them like I hate most imported African traditions"

"I hate them like I hate most imported Indian traditions"

"I hate them like I hate most imported French traditions"

Ok? If not, why not?

Rainbunny that is amazing! Really. But... you open your diary write 'I am busy' on the right page and say 'I'm sorry I've already got something in the diary for that day."

XX

NickiFury if you are suggesting claiming hatred for 'Americsn Culture' is somehow discriminatory, it's not. America Culture is constructed by white privileged settlers who, as a people, have never experienced discrimination.

*oppression I mean oppression.

Oh whatever!

You just keep telling yourself that.

I'm happy to NickyFury I have a masters level qualification in Discriminatory Discourse and am an Equality and Diversity Educator.

I think I'd be pretty upset if my close friend couldn't get over herself to celebrate something wonderful for our other close friend, albeit in a twee and not-my-cup-of-tea way.

It's a party, a get together, an adternoon tea with friends. You are kind of shitting on it for what, the principle of it? Just be happy for your friend and go mark the occasion for her.

RTFT, Dolly. The OP is experiencing infertility and miscarriages, that's the real reason. And we have no idea what kind of party they want to organise, it may be beyond an afternoon tea. What kind of friend expects someone they care about to go to an unnecessary social event that she finds painful? A bullying twat is what kind.

(Backs away quietly with hands in the air realising some people are very invested in thread)

ive decided that I no longer wish to age so will not be having any more birthdays. Doesn't mean I won't be celebrating anybody else's 😉
As somebody else has said, it is just a party to celebrate a baby. Just give a token gift, no need to start a war over it x

I had to make everyone back off the idea of a baby shower for my BF as she was over 40 and really worried that everything was not going to come out fine... We had a "wet the baby's head" girly party a month after the birth instead which gave everyone an opportunity to meet the baby and celebrate... It went really well and no-one felt uncomfortable... We had balloons and fizz, didn't play stupid games though but I may have made her wear a silly sash! #tokeneffort

some people are very invested in the thread.

What, by reading it? Which is probably what you should have done before commenting.

I don't like the idea of them any more than the ridiculous prom nights that seem to require hundreds of pounds of expenditure by parents, and stag and hen trips to far flung places that cost and arm and a leg. Thankfully no-one I know has ever had one so I've not had to endure one ( I've seen the advertisement for the "lists" on the John Lewis site though.) I would probably suck it up and go if invited but I don't see how you abstaining from going is going to ruin the day for everyone else. Presumably your pregnant friend understands your reasons? Are you actually going to be missed greatly? Perhaps you could take her for lunch or a cream tea separately if you feel the relationship has suffered as a result.

and stag and hen trips to far flung places that cost and arm and a leg

At least you can't blame this on us Americans.

Dolly your post is stunningly lacking in empathy or compassion.

I'm quite embarrassed for you.

My best friend didnt come to mine. I was so hurt as she knew how hard we had tried for this baby and how difficult inhad found the pregnancy. I asked people nit to bring gifts if they didnt want to and provided food, cake and drinks for everyone for a few hours. It really wasnt that much of an effort to come and eat ans drink for free and chat for an few hours was it. To be honest, part of me will never forgive her. It wasnt about the gifts. It was about making the time for eachother especially before a newborn comes along.
I felt like i was missing out being pregnant and unable to go on nights out ect. The shower was for me. Your being petty and mean

user1466690252 as you have had such a hard time getting pregnant you should have some compassion on the OP who has also had a hard time getting pregnant.

It is a shame your friend could not come to your shower but maybe she had a good reason. It is a real shame you cannot forgive her for this and I think you will be the one who misses out on the friendship because of this. People are entitled to not attend things.

A dear friend missed my hen night, I was very sad as I married later in life (36) but I later found out her and her partner were going through a rough patch and later separated. This was also the case with another friend who could not meet me for some event or other. They did not separate at that time but did later. We do not always know what is going on people's lives, even if they tell us one reason, we don't know the whole story.

Plus the OP is not being asked to attend, she is being asked to organise, and she is pregnant herself, she is not at all petty or mean.

I hate them. I wouldn't have one, never have had one but I would attend for a close friend if it was something they were into.