To be too stunned to react?

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

Long post, sorry. I just don't want to drip feed.

So I was out yesterday with my DD (2 & 1/2) and my DM at IKEA. My DD and I were queueing up for an icecream at the end and DD went on the other side of the barrier to me but just stood there, no intention of running off so I wasn't concerned and I could reach her easily. A little boy (maybe 3) came up to her and with no provocation or reason just shoved my DD. Not hard particularly but she did hit her head on the barrier. Kids will be kids and all but his mother just called after him and he ran off even though she had seen him shove my DD (I know because she had already been calling him before he did it). No apology to me or concern for my DD, just following her little devil treasure. My DM said loudly that it was shocking but I was just too stunned to say anything. The man in the queue behind me said "that boy needs a good slap" but I was too shocked to even respond to him.

My question is, should I have reacted? Said something? My first concern was making sure my DD wasn't hurt (luckily she wasn't). Has this happened to anyone else?

OK, just.

It seems to a difference of opinion over parenting with you claiming I've said things - which I clearly haven't - and then speaking for a lot of people posting on mumsnet. We can leave it there, though.

Well my understanding was that you are one of those ill mannered parents, being discussed extensively on this thread and asked about by the OP, who think their children don't need to apologise for whatever arbitrary reason they've decided. You've confirmed this.

Did you really need that explaining?

I think if the op had come on here and said 'what would you do if your toddler shoved another toddler' the thread would have been filled with telling him off/explaining it was not nice/apologising to child/getting him to apologise.

The thread has become so odd because of the ops astonishment at an event which many people experience and put down to 'shit that happens'

I also think apologising is a valuable life skill and if fewer people saw it as humiliating the world would be a better place.

I'm quite concerned that a KS2 teacher thinks humiliation is the way to support the development of empathy in anyone let alone a toddler.

Ok, Nicki, based on 10 or so posts on here, you have decided I am an ill-mannered parent. Never met me, never will, never met my children, never will but you can claim I am an ill mannered parent.

Sums the internet up, that does. You can insult people, make ridiculous snap judgments, and have absolutely no accountability for you words, because you are sitting behind a computer screen.

Awesome.

I hope you teach your kids not to troll on the internet like you are doing here.

Can I just say, in direct response to the OP, that my 3yo daughter would have been distraught had this happened to her (and it has) and I would have questioned the mother. I wouldn't have cared for an apology, nor a public dressing down of her child, as none of that benefits me or my daughter. But if she knew her child had the propensity to act in such a manner (and I would obviously have no idea if she does or not) the child needs to be kept at close quarters.

Oh don't be so ridiculous. I think your reaction confirms pretty much everything I have said really.....

Please do feel free to report my posts if you feel I they have broken talk guidelines won't you? Especially your suspicions of my being a troll

It seems to a difference of opinion over parenting with you claiming I've said things - which I clearly haven't - and then speaking for a lot of people posting on mumsnet. We can leave it there, though.

What? Who have I spoken for?

I also think apologising is a valuable life skill and if fewer people saw it as humiliating the world would be a better place.

Quite. And a social norm.

Such a strange thread.

I'll point it out once you quote me saying I 'won't reprimand for violence', just!

Good luck!

You are a troll, nicki.......... I'll just alert you to your behaviour and hope you change your ways in the future.

That's you told Nicki, you big manners-advocating troll, you.

That's been a long sleeper game, well played

Can I just say, in direct response to the OP, that my 3yo daughter would have been distraught had this happened to her (and it has) and I would have questioned the mother. I wouldn't have cared for an apology, nor a public dressing down of her child,

QUESTIONED the mother? About what? To what purpose? You don;t believe in apologies, so why?

Come on, 'fess up, you're the troll, aren't you?

I also think apologising is a valuable life skill and if fewer people saw it as humiliating the world would be a better place.

Agreed!

Don't worry I have reported you for troll hunting. No need to do it yourself .

I hope your children are learning more resilience than you seem to have to be honest. I think learning to apologise will probably help them with this.

And may I point out that you repeatedly demanded an explanation from me. I am sorry if you didn't like it when it came.

See what I did there?

I'll point it out once you quote me saying I 'won't reprimand for violence', just!

I haven't said you did say that, I was just trying to understand you (slightly baffling) position.

The development of empathy comes through having empathy modelled. Not through being forced to apologise. When children hurt each other you give most of the attention to the hurt child and calmly ask the other to notice that the child they hurt is sad because of what happened. You don't need to force the child to apologise, you work with the empathy that is developing in them already. And ultimately teaching a child to parrot 'sorry' when they've hurt someone to avoid humiliation does nothing to develop their sense of right and wrong. If you think about it, do you not hit people so you don't have to say sorry, or because understand it would hurt them like it hurts you. This is basic child development, nothing new or whacky.

Surely u can't be a teacher when a minor thing like this stuns you, and you have to ask, has this happened to anyone else?

just, I think just let it go now and accept people think differently to you... But obviously stay firm in the belief that you are right! Don't want you questioning your own behaviour.

It isn't about forcing them to apologise, it's about giving them a simple word to use to express themselves when they hurt or upset someone else. Why does that have to be labelled "humiliation"?

The development of empathy comes through having empathy modelled. Not through being forced to apologise.

Zing!

Well people like my DC Harry, and they have passable social graces a lot of the time, if that's what you mean, so that's as 'right' as I ever hoped to get it, or anyone ever can.

Good luck with your experiment, though.

You've said it. You don't believe in reprimanding violence. Page 9

I haven't said you did say that.. Page 10

For you, just! Sorry.