To be too stunned to react?

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

Long post, sorry. I just don't want to drip feed.

So I was out yesterday with my DD (2 & 1/2) and my DM at IKEA. My DD and I were queueing up for an icecream at the end and DD went on the other side of the barrier to me but just stood there, no intention of running off so I wasn't concerned and I could reach her easily. A little boy (maybe 3) came up to her and with no provocation or reason just shoved my DD. Not hard particularly but she did hit her head on the barrier. Kids will be kids and all but his mother just called after him and he ran off even though she had seen him shove my DD (I know because she had already been calling him before he did it). No apology to me or concern for my DD, just following her little devil treasure. My DM said loudly that it was shocking but I was just too stunned to say anything. The man in the queue behind me said "that boy needs a good slap" but I was too shocked to even respond to him.

My question is, should I have reacted? Said something? My first concern was making sure my DD wasn't hurt (luckily she wasn't). Has this happened to anyone else?

Not at age two and three it won't. It needs to be taught initially surely?

Nicki, if I was forced to apologise by someone, I think I would feel humiliated, yes. Particularly if I wasn't aware of what I'd done wrong in the first place.

Hmm.

I agree with just5.

Right from wrong needs to taught from aged 0, Nicki. Apologising I see as a natural conclusion of when a child knows right from wrong.

Can you explain what you're labelling me as, Nicki? I'm not quite clear.

Yes she should ace apologised and told him off but in truth you can't be sure that she saw him and you can't be sure that your dd would never do anything like this when you're not looking.

Things like this will happen many more times believe me.

Loads of what, just? What are you labeling me as?

. Labelling?

I was observing that even on MN there are parents who won't ask a child to apologise for violent acts.

Now I'm observing that you are the type of person who considers me reading your post and be living it to be 'labelling'

I have a bolted. If I run after him he just runs faster, I have to walk.
I have a shiver/hitter as well. What do you think OP, that we were rewarding him when he started doing it? No, he always got told off, and he's getting better as he gets older, but don't assume that children do things because no one ever told them not to! And you are supposed to be a teacher? The other mother probably didn't apologise as was embarrassed by your judging stares...

Believing it^

Bolter not bolted

I think you do know really don't you?

No, I don't know, Nicki. Please divulge!

Even on mumsnet, just?

Are you of the belief that mumsnet is the bastion of good parenting?

Harry don't you understand that 'I won't ask my child to apologise for his violence because apologising is humiliating for him' IS the red flag? You've said it. You don't believe in reprimanding violence. Hence you're one of those parents who won't reprimand for violence, that so many of us (would love to) avoid.

I am with cardigan and captain crunch. My DD, almost 4, would never ever push another child, is very controlled, compliant and reserved. My 18 month old Ds is another matter... I am surprised that you are shocked that children have different personalities and behaviourial traits. Pushing is very very common.

Red flag for what, just?

Violent!! It's been made to sound like the toddler coldly calculated that his shove would then bang the girls head on the barrier, see it for what it is, a child ran off and shoved another, nobody on here knows the consequences of what followed I.e the boys mother disciplining him out of sight rather than many I'm sure we've all seen, making a massive scene.

And, just, I have never said I wouldn't reprimand for violence. Odd that you think I have when it's here in black and white!

Ok, I think parents who are raising their kids NOT to apologise in case they feel bad after they've hurt or upset someone are doing those children no favours. Like it or not societal expectations require apologies and life will not run as smoothly as it could for a person who prioritises their own feelings over people they have caused harm to. I wonder if you will now tell me that your children have been earnestly advised in being model citizens from the year dot and so have absorbed treating others respectfully and kindly, effortlessly at your knee. I won't believe it

It doesn't sound like it's an incident worthy of jaw-dropping unless you forgot to add the bit where he was brandishing a meat cleaver he'd nicked from the kitchen section?

Aren't you reading your own posts Harry?

You should. They're eye opening

Poor parenting that has stunned her.

Jaysus has op never been out the house before or seen the news to find out not everyone is as skilled as her/has compliant children.

I am not telling you anything, Nicki other than my beliefs as a parent. I was actually asking you what you agreed with which, thus far, you have failed to answer.

I'm guessing OP is quite new to teaching to find non-apologetic or blasé patents surprising user. She can't find toddlers clobbering each other much of a shock.