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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think by this age he knows he's being rude but also wwyd

121 replies

toomuchconfusion · 22/08/2016 19:10

Whenever I see a long standing friend her 8 year old waits for her to leave the room then looks up from whatever he's doing and tells me I'm fat - every time! He's told me "you're so fat you might pop", "you look really fat", "why are you such a fatty bum bum" " you're really greedy why don't you stop eating" (even though i rarely eat in front of him and certainly no more than his own parents). I have tried to talk to him about it but he isn't interested in responses he just seems to want to hurt or insult me.

I haven't raised it with his parents because I suspect they would gloss over it and then just laugh about it later.

To be clear I am fat so I have zero issues with observations to that effect but this has gone way beyond that. If it was one if my kids (similar ages) I would be mortified!

He should know better right? Plus what do I do about it, if anything? I'm finding myself making excuses not to see them not helped by my issues with anxiety.

OP posts:
Moreisnnogedag · 22/08/2016 19:12

God that's horrendous!! Tell the parents and if they fail to act on it then they're not really your friends.

Fwiw I'd be mortified if my ds did that and would address it

RebootYourEngine · 22/08/2016 19:13

I would tell his parents or record him and play it back. You say that he does it everytime you are there so it wouldnt be harc.

If they did gloss over it then i would no longer see them.

talesofthevillage · 22/08/2016 19:13

That's awful! What a brat. You must tell his mother and insist she deals with it. He can't be allowed to get away with that behaviour.

Tyrionsbitch · 22/08/2016 19:14

Definitely old enough to know he is being rude. Speak to his parents every time he does it, they may gloss over it once (they shouldn't!) but can't ignore it if he repeats it, especially if you make it clear to them that you find it upsetting. Also make sure he knows that you will be telling his parents

NeedACleverNN · 22/08/2016 19:14

I would bloody tell the parents

I would also tell the 8 year old that it's rude to comment on people's appearances

Blueberry234 · 22/08/2016 19:15

No he's a little git and I would call him up on it. Ask him if he realises he is being offensive

Amelie10 · 22/08/2016 19:16

What a shit! Absolutely tell his parents. He's waiting to get you alone so the awful horrid boy knows exactly what he's doing. Some kids are just terrible aren't they. I would tell him just how horrible he is the next time he said it.

fuzzywuzzy · 22/08/2016 19:17

Have you spoken to your friend about her son ever?

Think she needs to know.

If she ignores you and refused to address the issue then I'd just quietly drop the friendship.

paxillin · 22/08/2016 19:18

Record a few occurrences. Tell him it is rude every time. Show the parents. If they gloss over it, dump the lot of them.

monkeymamma · 22/08/2016 19:19

I would affect concern. 'Oh dear, littleshit seems very concerned about weight and body image right now, are you worried at all about this? In fact he seems to be making a point of making hurtful comments about me and to me and I thought you should know'. He is old enough to know what he's doing is hurtful. However I'd also want to know why a child that age was so preoccupied - do you think he has worries about his body, or could be hearing these types of insult at home or school? Definitely worth raising with the parents and also you should NOT have to put up with this, OP.

Missgraeme · 22/08/2016 19:19

Ask him why he is such have an obnoxious little bastard?! Is he gonna tell his parents u said that after what he has been saying?

DearMrDilkington · 22/08/2016 19:20

Tell his parents before he does it to a child at school who can't deal with the comments as well as you.
He sounds foul.

Redglitter · 22/08/2016 19:21

The fact he waits til it's just the 2 of you shows he's more than aware of what he's doing. I'd be mentioning it to his parents it needs stopped. Rude little buggar

InfiniteCurve · 22/08/2016 19:28

Yes,appalling behaviour. I would call him on it, every time, and tell the parents.
Though it does take you aback coming from a child - post DC2 I was walking through our village and two boys said similar things to me, it threw me but I did say how would their mothers and grans feel about them being so rude ! Not sure what impression it made though...

CoraPirbright · 22/08/2016 19:28

What Redglitter says. Rude little git.

amprev · 22/08/2016 19:29

Horrible little shit. For a one off I would probably not involve the parents, and would give him a stern talking to. Because this is recurrent I would involve the parents. Explain it's been happening for X weeks/months and how you've played it down but now feel they should know because chances are he could be doing similar things in school. Even though I wouldn't give a fuck about his welfare if I were you, you may feel more comfortable raising it with the parents by dressing it up as mock concern for him and how you don't want him to get into trouble etc etc. Either that or just tell her that next time he says anything that you won't hesitate to let rip and make it quite clear that you won't tolerate this horrible behaviour.

I wonder if the parents have a sizeist streak and he is picking up on this?

Feel sorry for you to have to hear this - sounds like a very unpleasant child. Angry

Original poster
toomuchconfusion · 22/08/2016 19:29

I am so glad it's not just me. I'm not particularly sensitive my weight but the way he does it just annoys me so much. I just ignored him the last time. He struggles with friendships at school so I tried to let it slide a little bit wondering if he's just trying to have power over someone. Another part of me wonders if it comes from the Dad which has added to my reluctance to raise it with them. Sorry not trying to drip feed.

Recording him saying it is a good idea at least then I would have proof and could prove that it's not a simple observation.

OP posts:
youarenotkiddingme · 22/08/2016 19:29

Of course he knows it's rude - that's why he waits for his mum to leave the room.

I was going to suggest recording him.

Then when your friend returns do a "gosh your DS is soooo funny. You should have heard the things he's been saying whilst you were gone. He's such a little comedian I recorded it for you to hear."

Watch his face as you open up recording bit on your phone before you even get the chance to play it!

allthecarbs · 22/08/2016 19:30

I would have to tell him what a rude little brat he is, I don't think I could hold back!

Lilaclily · 22/08/2016 19:31

I wouldn't go round there
See your friend in the evening without him !

pluck · 22/08/2016 19:31

Be careful. It's likely he got either his ideas or his arrogance from his parents, so a confrontation with them may end up really hurting your feelings. By all means give them a chance to explain, but also be prepared for them to be twats about it. Sad

allthecarbs · 22/08/2016 19:31

Definitely do youarenotkiddingme idea Grin

MermaidTears · 22/08/2016 19:33

What a little shit! Just thinking do you think there's a chance he's mum or parents have said this stuff and he's copying? Especially as he says you keep eating and you haven't really eaten in front of him?

Shallishanti · 22/08/2016 19:34

just ask him, why do you say that?

MissMogwi · 22/08/2016 19:35

I'd tell him off. What a horrible kid! At 8 he certainly knows better, especially if he waits for his mum to leave the room.

No wonder he has problems making friends at school if that's his attitude! His parents need to know, if they don't do anything I'd drop them.