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AIBU?

To think by this age he knows he's being rude but also wwyd

121 replies

toomuchconfusion · 22/08/2016 19:10

Whenever I see a long standing friend her 8 year old waits for her to leave the room then looks up from whatever he's doing and tells me I'm fat - every time! He's told me "you're so fat you might pop", "you look really fat", "why are you such a fatty bum bum" " you're really greedy why don't you stop eating" (even though i rarely eat in front of him and certainly no more than his own parents). I have tried to talk to him about it but he isn't interested in responses he just seems to want to hurt or insult me.

I haven't raised it with his parents because I suspect they would gloss over it and then just laugh about it later.

To be clear I am fat so I have zero issues with observations to that effect but this has gone way beyond that. If it was one if my kids (similar ages) I would be mortified!

He should know better right? Plus what do I do about it, if anything? I'm finding myself making excuses not to see them not helped by my issues with anxiety.

OP posts:

Report

Footle · 23/08/2016 07:19

"Tell your mum what you just said to me" - that should do it. And make it clear that it's not a one-off.

Haudyerwheesht · 23/08/2016 07:42

I'm shocked how many people would say such mean things to an 8 year old. He's behaving like a twat but he's still eight. Jesus. Don't lower yourselves.

Trifleorbust · 23/08/2016 07:50

"Jesus. Don't lower yourselves."

This. He needs a consequence, not a fight with a grown woman.

erinaceus · 23/08/2016 07:51

...asked me why I was so fat btw I said it was because I feasted on rude children.

I like this one. A bit Roald Dahl.

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 23/08/2016 08:27

Just to clarify - My comment was a joke. I'm sure mostly everyone was kidding to give OP a life.
She'd be some sort of sociopath if she said half the things here!

MermaidTears · 23/08/2016 08:42

I wasn't joking

foursillybeans · 23/08/2016 08:48

How much do you like the parents? If you aren't too bothered I would just stop going round or seeing them and when/if they eventually asked why then tell them.
Also I'm sorry for you OP. The kid sounds awful and nasty.

toomuchconfusion · 23/08/2016 08:54

To poster who asks why I stay in the room it's the layout of the house meaning I can't really retreat as such. It usually happens if the Mum pops to the kitchen, loo or garden to deal with the younger kids.

I have laughed at some of the suggestions but to reassure some if the posters I won't be lowering myself to his level. I have several times explained that it's rude it hurts people's feelings to be so rude and that I think his Mum would not like him saying these things. It doesn't make a shred of difference he just goes back to playing or usually the device he's on.

I will be telling his Mum just need to decide whether to message her or wait for it to happen again while I'm there and raise it then.

OP posts:

toomuchconfusion · 23/08/2016 08:57

It's a long friendship lots of history. We have drifted apart a little bit but it's hard to just move on because of the shared history. I don't want to out myself so I've not gone into detail.

OP posts:

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 23/08/2016 08:58

Laugh!! Not life.

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 23/08/2016 09:01

Tell her in person. She might be one of those uber defensive people that reads every message in a tone that suggests criticism.

The fact he takes every opportunity when she goes to bathroom etc makes me think he must be quite a creepy kid, TBH.

toomuchconfusion · 23/08/2016 09:30

To clarify it's not every time she leaves the room but he will do at least once every time I visit.

OP posts:

mikado1 · 23/08/2016 10:10

I think putting him on the spot and getting him to repeat what he said is a good one.

toptoe · 23/08/2016 10:29

Thumbwitch has good advice on why he might be doing it.

Imo this sort of behaviour is copied from someone in the vast majority of cases. But not in the sense that his parents have been talking about you, more that someone he knows (could be dad, could be brother) has either verbally abused someone infront of him regularly or he himself has been on the receiving end of it and is acting out what he experienced.

Children don't tend to do this sort of verbal nastiness if someone hasn't shown them how to do it first.

I'd be worried for him. Also, he has problems at school. I'd want to tell his parents as the behaviour is concerning for the child - something is not right with his mental health. Like it or not, all bullies have some sort of problem which is why they bully in the first place. If they could have been sorted out when they were 8 the world would be a much happier place all round.

If the parents respond strangely then you have your answer as to where it came from. I actually feel sorry for him as much as I do to you.

Next time it happens, say 'That is a very unkind thing to say. Let's go and tell your mummy what you just said because you need to learn about being kind to people.' Then go straight to mum and tell her right away. Say 'x has just told me I'm a fatty bum bum and I might pop. I've explained it's very unkind. In fact, he's said this many times, haven;t you? And I'm really worried for him'

How they respond will speak volumes and tell you if you need to just walk away from them.

adagio · 23/08/2016 10:30

To be honest, if I was you I would text her now and get it out if the way - otherwise you risk dwelling on it, worrying about what the reaction will be when you do tell her etc. If you text you avoid direct confrontation and depending on her response can decide whether to put yourself back in there, or to reserve seeing her to eve/coffee shops where you can dodge this child.

A cop out compared to many (very funny!) responses on here, but that's what I would probably really do in real life.

DelicatePreciousThing1 · 23/08/2016 10:41

Deal with it at once by texting the parent. The child is an odious little creep. Do NOT allow yourself to be controlled by an 8 year old brat.

Footle · 23/08/2016 11:40

I think toptoe has it right - that's a very good approach.

TealLove · 23/08/2016 11:52

When the mum comes back into the room say
"Tell your mother what you just said to me or I will"

badg3r · 23/08/2016 13:00

Call his mum back into the room and make him repeat what he said. Then watch him squirm!

HerdsOfWilderbeest · 23/08/2016 15:29

I think the next time you organise something (usually by text I assume) say to her you need to give her a call. Explain it all on the phone and say that you don't want to ruin the friendship but you also refuse to be spoken to rudely by her son. Then she can speak to him herself without you there.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 25/08/2016 19:19

I'm glad you've decided to stand up for yourself and deal with this. I'm also glad you aren't considering some of the nastier responses (there is no situation in which it's acceptable to call a child 'cunt').

It is really important to push back and be firm about what you will accept, and what you won't. I'm err, somewhat plump, and very sensitive about it. It would hurt even if I flossed it over so as not to draw attention to it.

I also have a child, who wouldn't dream of saying anything rude to an adult... Or child. And my child has just turned 6, so 2-3 school years below the little horror in question! Children know what's nice and nasty from a very young age, in spite of their famed too truthful observation skills. Saying (once) 'that lady is big mummy, why is she so fat' is one thing. Taunting someone is Not The Same!

I'd agree with others that this child has heard someone taunting and bullying in the same way, not necessarily about you, but about others who are fat, or other features worthy of nastiness.

Good luck.

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