To think by this age he knows he's being rude but also wwyd

[toomuchconfusion]

Whenever I see a long standing friend her 8 year old waits for her to leave the room then looks up from whatever he's doing and tells me I'm fat - every time! He's told me "you're so fat you might pop", "you look really fat", "why are you such a fatty bum bum" " you're really greedy why don't you stop eating" (even though i rarely eat in front of him and certainly no more than his own parents). I have tried to talk to him about it but he isn't interested in responses he just seems to want to hurt or insult me.

I haven't raised it with his parents because I suspect they would gloss over it and then just laugh about it later.

To be clear I am fat so I have zero issues with observations to that effect but this has gone way beyond that. If it was one if my kids (similar ages) I would be mortified!

He should know better right? Plus what do I do about it, if anything? I'm finding myself making excuses not to see them not helped by my issues with anxiety.

[Haudyerwheesht]

My kids are 5 and 9 and I swear to god they would be in sooooooo much trouble if they did this.

Tell his parents and insist they do something about it, don't be all nicely nicey he's behaving like a shit.

[Haudyerwheesht]

A kid I was looking after recently asked me why I was so fat btw I said it was because I feasted on rude children.

[roasted]

He sounds like a little shit.

Don't assume his parents or any other people for that matter are talking about you - little shits are perfectly capable of making up their own ways to hurt people. He's not necessarily repeating anyone. And if he is, he could be repeating something off the tellybox about someone else.

If his parents think he's a little darling then yes, I would discreetly record him so you have proof if you need it. But do confront them. He's a little bully and this needs addressing before he grows into a big bully. These are your friends and the kind thing to do is warn them what their child is like now, when he's still young enough for them to put him back on the right path.

[SpecialAgentFreyPie]

Just look at him and say 'no wonder you have no friends. No one loveslikes you'

[DontMindMe1]

i wouldn't bother telling the parents - not like they're deaf is it?

i'd put the rude little sod in his place then and there. i always give the parents a chance to step in, but if they don't then i will. why do you stay mute? if his parents get iffy with you then put them straight too.

[DontMindMe1]

i met my cousins family for the first time a couple of months ago. my cousins son hasn't even started reception, he's an adorable, chatty, friendly little boy and hyper like his mum - but he also has a bratty side.

Being the first born son he's been spoilt rotten and gets to rule the roost. Nobody really says no to him......until he came to my mums house and met me!

I'd made plenty of allowances for him throughout the day, but come dinner time, i'd had enough. he wanted to sit next to me, so cute - til he started knocking the table and food cos he wanted to drive his toy car around the table. his parents just laughed and said 'oh he's very spirited' i asked him nicely - twice - to either eat at the table or play away from it. the third time, i put my utensils down, looked him straight in the eye and calmly asked him what part of the word 'no' he didn't understand.
Cue silence round the table and uneasy looks - which i ignored and carried on as normal - just like they do. the little boy didn't like it but he understood that i wasn't going to humour it. he went off and played away from the table and kept asking 'have you finished yet?'

[wonderingsoul]

Thats really very chilling. The fact that he waits till hes parents are gone to say it shows he knows it rude. He is purposely trying to hurt you.

What is hes behavioir like infront of hes perents and away from them?

Personally i would tell him he is being rude then inform hes parents of it.

[a8mint]

A kid at the park said this to me and I replied that I could lose weight but she would always be buck-teethed , frizzy haired and ugly and she dissolved into tears.she was more like 14 but I think not would work just as well with an 8 yo boy

[erinaceus]

Call me old-fashioned, but I would not record the child saying it.

Instead, I would do an MN-style "did you mean to be so rude?" or, as another poster suggests, ask him why he says that. I would also mention it to the parents. If the parents laugh it off, I am not sure what I would do TBH.

a8mint Why did you do that? The poor child. I do not think that "bully back" is the same as "stand up to the bully", regardless the age of the people involved. If you were exhausted or at the end of your tether, that is one thing, but to tell a 14 year old that she will always be ugly is a horrible thing to do regardless the circumstances.

[VeryBitchyRestingFace]

If you were exhausted or at the end of your tether, that is one thing, but to tell a 14 year old that she will always be ugly is a horrible thing to do regardless the circumstances.

Really? I think it was reasonably restrained, especially if no sweary words accompanied it.

Some people would have battered her.

[erinaceus]

Some people would have battered her.

I know. There was a time when I lived with one.

[LucyBabs]

I'd be mortified if my dd the same age behaved like that
You have to tell his parents op
Its awful that such a young child is being so calculating and nasty!

When I was a childminder I took care of a 3 year old who each time her Mammy came to pick her up would go mental and up end the house throwing sofa cushions on the floor, throwing the remote control at the wall etc. She was the sweetest most lovely child but couldn't control herself when her parents arrived. It was like she was taunting me. "Ha you can't tell me off my Daddy is here"

Kids are mad

[VeryBitchyRestingFace]

I know. There was a time when I lived with one.

Likewise. One reason why I'd never have dreamed as a child of pulling the shit OP's little "friend" has. Wouldn't have risked the fall out.

[AGirlCalledJohnny]

Nasty, nasty behavior and I think you owe it to yourself and your friend to put a stop to it. I don't think you need to record it or even have some sharp retort. You especially do NOT need to acknowledge whether you are overweight or not! That is absolutely none of his business. Remove him from the equation, call his mom, explain what her son has been doing. He is 8 after all, the buck still stops with his parents. Remind her you are friends, but this is intolerable and shouldn't be happening. Do not allow any excuses. Don't offer any apologies/solutions. I imagine her embarrassment will make her mad initially but hopefully she'll cool off and see sense after beating seven bells out of him

People will treat you how you allow them to toomuch, so don't stand for this. Whether he has no friends or grows up a loon is not your problem. What is your problem is him picking on you, all 8 years of him

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Most children are not little shits. Some are. Some are made that way by their parents' behaviours, and some (very few) are just born nasty.

You don't know which type this child is, but you can NOT allow this behaviour to continue unchecked - he is EIGHT and you have given him power over you by accepting his verbal abuse up until now.

He is a child. BUt he's not a tiny child, he KNOWS what he's doing, he KNOWS it's wrong. He also knows that he's got away with it, which is why he keeps doing it, because he can.

I don't agree with putting ideas into his head like "your parents don't love you" - that's abuse too.

But I do strongly recommend saying something along the lines of "What an unpleasant thing to say. Are you always this rude to people? Maybe this is why you have no friends [since you've already said this is the case]. You sound like a bully. Do you bully people at school? No one likes bullies. If you keep on talking to people that way, you will never have friends because no one likes bullies. I might be fat but I have friends because I am nice to other people. You're not nice to people".

Don't do it in any kind of emotional way, just a very calm, flat, almost bored voice. And then walk out of the room - why would you stay in the room with him anyway??

[Trifleorbust]

No need to insult back - we're adults.

"[insert child-rat name]: Excuse me. It is very rude for you to comment on my weight. I am sure your parents haven't brought you up to be this rude. I will have to speak to them about this. Would you like it if I made personal comments to you?"

Repeat.

Then speak to parents. Explain how hurtful his comments are. If they don't issue a consequence, stop going to their house, they're clearly walkers.

[Trifleorbust]

*wankers

[zen1]

I would set my phone on record, then next time he says something, challenge him eg "why do you always make rude comments about my appearance every time your mum leaves the room?" I would record the whole conversation and play it back to his mum. If she doesn't act on it or brushes it off, I wouldn't waste my time being friends with her.

[Trifleorbust]

Don't record him. You are the adult, if his parents call you a liar, they are being unreasonable. Recording him will become a distraction from the issue:"Yes but you recorded my child" and is too emotive.

[erinaceus]

VeryBitchyRestingFace

I would put it to you that living with a person who would have battered another person is not the reason you would not have called OP fat when you were eight years old. Children do not become polite because they live with people who might turn violent in a moment, any more that they call people fat because they do.

OP - be the adult. Treat yourself with the dignity and respect that you deserve, and treat the child and their parents in the same way, even if that means losing touch with them as friends.

[VeryBitchyRestingFace]

I would put it to you that living with a person who would have battered another person is not the reason you would not have called OP fat when you were eight years old.

??


I didn't live with another battered person. I would have been battered for that behaviour. I was for far less. And yes, the risk of a battering would have put me right off. But I lke to think I wouldn't have felt inclined to behave in that way in the first place.

[erinaceus]

But I like to think I wouldn't have felt inclined to behave in that way in the first place.

I suspect that you might be right.

[erinaceus]

I also did not say that you lived with another battered person. I have not had much sleep though.

[redexpat]

I wouldn't tell his parents. I'd wait for his Mum to come back in (assuming she had just nipped to the loo) and then make HIM tell his Mum what he just said.

[Upthetree100]

What a little shit. Record him but don't let them listen unless they choose not to believe you. In which case it's not worth being friends with them anyway.