To complain to the zoo about the wanking monkeys?

[MissHooliesCardigan]

I took DS2 to the zoo yesterday. It's taken me years to get it into his head that he only plays with his willy in private. About half the male primates were rubbing their dicks on tree branches and one was standing right up against the glass having a good old tug.
Then, as soon as we entered the reptile house, we were greeted by the sight of 2 giant tortoises shagging.
AIBU to ask the zoo to put warning up for visitors?

Your so Lucky! Me and the Doris went to monkey world and not one wanking monkey didn't even see one on a pushbike. After hearing your experience can you tell me where this zoo is we need to go.

Sounds like you should have paid extra for the entertainment. I'm thinking of asking for a refund now!

In my experience, there's a whole range of horny beasts in Chester. The elephants were at it but I missed the photo there 😕

fuzzy It was London zoo. This was about the 8th time I've been and it's been quite staid until now so I can't guarantee that you'll get any action.

Maybe it was their time of the month?

Do I get any sort of commission from the DM? Or a certificate or something? I feel like I should at least get a gift voucher.

You get sweet FA. Sorry..

How about a star from me though

Imagine the mention though "misshoolie, (who we are sure has shapely pins) was discusted and devestated by explicit live monkey porn sex show..."

Thanks Need that means a lot

You get sweet FA

Not quite. That's more the monkeys, really.

I'm surprised nobody has suggested we have a wanking monkey emoticon yet.

Instead of a smilie?
Or more insulting than the biscuit?
Or as vom emoticon?
So many uses for the wanking monkey, I say yes!

I like the wanking monkey emote

AIBU to think that everyone should bow down to me as I am queen

Here you go OP

Probably done already but I couldn't resist. The tesco monkey business ad

DS just got shortlisted for the Booker Prize! The funny thing is he wrote it in his third language at pre-school!

You, my friend are a (wanking monkey emoticon)

I'm surprised nobody has suggested we have a wanking monkey emoticon yet

Genius!!

The sign could read
beware wanking monkeys
Or
voyeurs - free monkey porn this way

It really depends on which way the zoo chooses to look at it. Judging by the replies, the wanking monkeys seem quite popular. Could be seeing an influx of voyeuristic guests

As predicted earlier, Mumsnet Madness is onto this thread. Yet the 'lighthearted' aspect has escaped them!

This has just been shared on my FB from the Sun website.

The sun article is actually worse than the daily mail

It is almost exactly the same. Word for word and quote for quote

not that I looked at them

Oh no its penis beaker all over again and penis beaker wasn't .anywhere neat as funny as this

The DM does this all the time now.

Even the Guardian has been known to base articles on MN threads.

I don't think anyone cares.

Doesn't matter really Arf

Any excuse to slag off mn. I've seen some people really hate how "up our arses" we are and we should learn to type properly instead of using acronyms

No wanking Monkeys at Safari park today HOWER we had Giant shagging tortoises i laughed and laughed then laughed some more thinking about this thread, bored lady tortoise was not impressed he was having a great time. keeper was telling a couple he never leaves her alone and sometimes she dozes off 😀

Tortoise shagging must be really mellow if you can sleep all the way through. Or maybe tortoise nectar is actually a sedative?