To complain to the zoo about the wanking monkeys?

[MissHooliesCardigan]

I took DS2 to the zoo yesterday. It's taken me years to get it into his head that he only plays with his willy in private. About half the male primates were rubbing their dicks on tree branches and one was standing right up against the glass having a good old tug.
Then, as soon as we entered the reptile house, we were greeted by the sight of 2 giant tortoises shagging.
AIBU to ask the zoo to put warning up for visitors?

pollymere

At least it wasn't widow spiders eating their males, or a praying mantis eating the male's head.

Small mercies. :)

Casper you are welcome to use my bear fucking from earlier on in the thread. It's not as explicit as yours I'm afraid. It'll do for December as its more "family".

We could photoshop a Santa hat on for festive tone

Thank you, I'm torn between that and this little alpaca trying to get some from his granny.

If an animal doesn't have fists do they hoof instead?

ILost and I thought watching a chimp sit on the edge of a ledge with his bum over the side, shitting into his hand and then eating it, was bad. My lunch suddenly turns my stomach a bit although it's admittedly nicer than body excretions

The last time I went to chester zoo there was, in fact, a sign saying that people should not copy the actions of the monkeys or they would be evicted from the park. There was a wanking money not two feet from the sign. I laughed. A lot.

MissHooliesCardigan you is FAMOUS!!!!!!

In answer to your question this morning, this is what it looks like

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3754309/Mother-s-post-seeing-w-monkeys-day-zoo-leaves-parents-stitches-sparks-hilarious-tales-X-rated-animal-behaviour.html

Great thread. Especially the posts from those who haven't actually read it.

I agree with you Princess.

Except for offensive twats.

What the fuck Skylar

Ds2 means second born son not aged 2!

Unintentionally hilarious post from Skylark

OMG I'm in the DM. My own DM will be delighted until she realises what it's about (she won't because I won't tell her).
Skyler WTF are you on about? DS2 is 8 and he actually got the lesson about not getting it out and fiddling with it a few years ago. However, he does still touch it through his clothes quite a lot. I'll admit I exaggerated that but for artistic license.

One of our favourite (for evil reasons) photos of ds3 (that's our third ds Skylar) was him happily grinning away in front of the zebras. Well big daddy zebra anyway with his big old zebra penis waving in the breeze.

Time to change my user name! It is said a lot in our house, never seemed so funny before now....
MAKE IT STOP NEVILLE

Enjoying this thread so much.

I don't know what's funnier - the thread itself or the terminally dim thinking that the OP is really complaining.

On the Dm link...wtf does teeny tiny hamsters trying jelly for the first time have to do with monkey wanks?!

Even the DM realised that it was a joke thread.

That is saying something.

I missed what skyler said I feel left out now.

Well, if I was stuck in one room 24 hours a day I'd probably be rubbing myself against all manner of things to break up the tedium.

Wow, I've only been back on mumsnet a week and I've already been screenshotted in the DM. Erm, yay?

I love the posters who don't read the thread and go off on one, lecturing us all on normal animal behaviour, like we're all pearl clutching hysterics. I love a wanking monkey, I do. Better than one that uses a frog as a fleshlight.

HerRoyal, skyler thought DS2 meant that OP's son was 2 years old, and told her off for having spent years teaching him only to play with his willy in private. And then decided to suggest that it was OP who was stupid.