Mother has taken our wedding gift money

[coralpig]

Different culture. Yesterday was a cultural/ religious wedding and tomorrow is our legal ceremony. My mum hosted the event yesterday and paid for it. It was fun but entirely her idea and she had control over the guest list etc. This morning she has opened our wedding cards and taken the money inside as she says its rightfully hers. We made a gift list for our new home and some have bought from this and she says we can keep these items but the money is here. I'm flabbergasted. She said it's because they were her guests and her friends and she paid and we don't get to keep them because she's paid a lot and the grooms family didn't contribute.

AIBU? I think this is so unfair. These were cards addressed to us. We are a young couple. We have nothing- still studying. We wanted to save and get married when we could afford it but she pushed and pushed and said she wanted to take it all on.

you will jsut have to save

ask the groom family to donate?

Say WHAT!!

I'd have a fit. Do you have anyone apart from your DH to help fight your side. Aunts or Uncles? The people who had given you the money would be outraged.

I think I'd be uninviting her from tomorrow's wedding or at the very least, I'd be telling everyone what she has done.

Did you get money from DH's family?

If you don't feel confident confronting your dM will your DH either ask your dM or inform his family their money has been taken by his dMiL.

If I were your in-laws and had given you money for a wedding gift/set up home I would be furious and asking your dM for the money back.

Yeah, I would dob her in to the gift givers.

This is Daily Mail worthy....

Depends. If you're a teenager I can understand her keeping it to give it to you later.

I disagree as you're an adult with her doing it but if you're 17/18/19 I understand

I'd go with gazelda's plan - and you can't be positive that people who did a physical gift didn't also put some cash in the card, too, so you'll need to let everyone know why you can't thank them individually.

So she takes the credit for a lovely day?
And steals your wedding money?
Tell her not to turn up tomo and tell all your guests exactly why!!

Definitely dob her in to the gift givers, as others have said.

This is shocking.

My brother's BILs did or tried to do similar at their wedding. Also a different culture. I was incensed as I have given more money than would be usual for the couple not for SIL's family to reimburse themselves.

I'm still not completely sure they got the money back.

Wtf?

Did you know she was going to do this?Was the groom's family supposed to contribute? It seems such an odd thing to do out of the blue. Not that I am trying to rationalise it - it's mean and lacking in spirit. I would be massively offended at this. Is there another family member who can approach her about this.

Congratulations though and try not to let it spoil the rest of your celebrations

I'd seriously take this to the police. It's theft.

How odd. At my wedding (again diff culture) we also had a lot of cash gifts. We offered al that money to our parents as they had paid for a lot of th wedding (given most guests were their friends!)

They refused profusely and insisted that was to go towards our house funds, which it has. Sorry but your mum is being mean. I think you will have to let it go though.

That's theft. I would make sure that the gift givers knew and if you didn't get it back, consider going to the police. I wouldn't be having much contact in future if you didn't get the money back either.

It is theft and I'd dob her in.

I can't believe that some posters are saying let her get on with it.

I've heard of this.
In my culture, it is common for the parents of the bride or the groom (depending on whose side has given the money) to keep it as when the "gifter" has an occasion they will have to "pay it back".
So, the grooms parents keep money their family and friends have given and the brides side do likewise.
The bride and groom are given money through parts of the ceremony which is theirs as are any "big" monetary gifts eh from grandparents and "immediate extended" (parents brothers and sisters and their own brothers and sisters).

People do think it's strange but as an example on my cousins wedding I was given charge of the cards and had to make a list of who had given what so on their children's weddings my cousins parents could give back the same amount.

Bloody hell, I'd be telling everyone!

This has got to be the most shocking thing ive read on mn. Police for thieft as this is nasty!

Get other family involved right now. Ask them to help, explain this is a shock to you as much as them. Tell verbally 'strongest' (persuasive) members of family first.

I had a bad time with my DM but I doubt I would call the police on her on my wedding day if she's hiding behind culture you need to mobilise the Aunties.

(Every culture has them, gossipy, frowny, judgy ones who tut)

My mother did this too. Tried to make out that as she'd paid for the wedding it was her entitlement she also took any gold Jewellery gifted to me for the same reason, some of it was very beautiful. I think she was just jealous.

I hadn't wanted the wedding or her having anything to do with it so she has not done me any favours.

I'm NC with her now (after many years of increasingly evil behaviour towards me and mine) and she has not been involved with my second wedding.

Approach her directly and request it back immediately. This is theft, plus opening your post is illegal (in the UK). Threaten police. She wanted to host the wedding, th money is yours, not hers. What a cow.

Wow! If I had put money in a card for a couple if want to know that the mother had taken it for herself!
I hope you let all your guests know what has happened x