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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Furious with teacher!

302 replies

Pilesofironing · 19/08/2016 20:49

DH and I both missed calls from the school while at work today. They had tried to reach us after school ended. DH was left a message which was from the Deputy Head explaining that DS had been given into "a tiny bit of trouble " and had become really upset, disproportionately so. He was letting us know as he thinks DS may be a worrier and my be subdued over the weekend. He suggested that we don't question him about it in case it makes him more upset.
Of course I questioned DS. He is 10, and yes, he is a worrier.
So this is what had happened....
During a Drama lesson the class were asked to take it in turns to go up to another member of the class and say " I love you ". They were instructed that they must choose a member of the opposite sex. So far so cringey for the average adult never mind 10yo. So my DS, who does have a very advanced vocabulary, said "Of course. None of us are lesbians!" I am actually impressed that he has an idea of what the word means. The class teacher wasn't impressed. He told DS that he was being inappropriate and sent him out of the class! DS is a stickler for rules and has never been in trouble at school. He was sobbing, couldn't eat lunch. In fact he was inconsolable. He must have been so confused about what he had done wrong.
So I am furious! Planning to call the school on Monday and raise concerns about the actions of the class teacher. I feel that his homophobia is far more inappropriate than the use of the word lesbians by a 10yo in a reasonable context. AIBU??

OP posts:
AStreetcarNamedBob · 19/08/2016 20:51

? How does DS know none of them are lesbians? Why do you think teacher is homophobic?

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 19/08/2016 20:53

Sorry but I think your son gets his over-reacting from you.

There is nothing there to suggest the teacher was homophobic.

turnipturnip · 19/08/2016 20:54

Maybe your child said it in a derogatory way so to imply being a lesbian is an issue. Or maybe the reason that he answered an adult back was the inappropriate bit?

isanyusernamenotinuse · 19/08/2016 20:54

I don't understand what you're furious about. Your son was innapropriate. He's also massively overreacted (I can see where he gets that from given your response). They rang to say it was nothing serious. It's done and dusted. Being sent out doesn't mean he's in massive trouble. Just the teacher responding to an innapropriate shouting out.

Tiggeryoubastard · 19/08/2016 20:55

And here's me thinking he'd do well in drama............

TheSilverChair · 19/08/2016 20:55

YABU. Your son shouted out a cheeky remark. How was the teacher homophobic?

cansu · 19/08/2016 20:55

I am not sure why this shows homophobia on part of the teacher?? Sometimes children are asked to work with opposite sex so that they muck around less. Maybe this was to do with acting out emotions of embarrassment or whatever. Nevertheless your d's did make a silly comment. The exercise wasn't about sexuality but your ds did make a comment relating to this. He was silly, he got in trouble. He overreacted, maybe a little like you are now?? If this was my ds I would be telling him it was a lesson in why you shouldn't call out comments to try and make your peers laugh in front of the whole class. Then leave him to get over it.

Original poster
Pilesofironing · 19/08/2016 20:55

I am thinking that a 10yo has a very basic understanding of what the word means so he made an assumption that only adults can be lesbians. I think that the teacher was offended at the word and made a big deal when he could have used this as an opportunity for discussion, or just ignored the comment. An I reading this wrongly?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 19/08/2016 20:57

Answering back like that to the teacher isn't appropriate. I can understand why he was sent out. I don't think praising his vocabulary is the right response.

I don't know what you think the teacher did wrong.

LuluJakey1 · 19/08/2016 20:58

You are makng a mountain out of a molehill. Your son was being a bit of a smarty pants and the teacher told him off. If he had a point it could have been better made. Doesn't sound like a great idea for a lesson, I agree. However, the only people turning it into a drama are you and your son.

PurpleDaisies · 19/08/2016 20:58

Am I reading this wrongly?

I think you are-I doubt it's the use of the word "lesbians" that's the issue, it's the smart arse reply to an instruction about what to do that he was probably sent out for.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 19/08/2016 20:59

The teacher wasn't homophobic at all.

What your son said was inappropriate.

Lesbian isn't an advanced word for a 10yo Confused

The school will know if any children are having any issues surrounding gender or sexuality and if there are any children having issues then what your son said could be perceived as offensive. Even if there aren't any children struggling then he was cheeky and deserved a telling off.

His and your reactions are both disproportionate.

Goldenvalley · 19/08/2016 20:59

Sounds like the teacher may have been trying to nip it in the bud by sending him out and probably would have spoken to him about why it was an inappropriate comment if he hasn't been so upset/ inconsolable. To me it sounds like the teacher was stopping your DS saying anything more inappropriate by removing him. You being furious with the teacher doesn't help anyone in this situation, and indefinitely can't see any homophobia here.

ItsMeTheMummy · 19/08/2016 21:00

I think that this is a tricky one.

If your ds was in trouble for the words that were said then yes, teacher was in the wrong but if those words were said sarcastically then I think the teacher was right to tell your ds off. I think it depends on the tone in which he said it.

I would like to add that if he's usually a great student and got so very upset then I think the teacher should have assessed the situation and not have been as harsh as he/she was. Each child an individual and being super cross doesn't always work, I would have reacted exactly like your ds had I have been told off and sent out of the class.

Hope you get it sorted

Tiggeryoubastard · 19/08/2016 21:00

So each time your precious snowflake shouts out in class it's to become a discussion? How did you get to adulthood and not realise the world doesn't revolve around you both?

Ninasimoneinthemorning · 19/08/2016 21:00

I agree with this

I think your over reacting massively to him massively over reacting

YorkieDorkie · 19/08/2016 21:01

Agree with every single above comment. YABU.

Original poster
Pilesofironing · 19/08/2016 21:02

Oh dear! I have got it wrong, haven't I? I guess that was why I posted in AIBU.

I thought the teacher over reacted but I have too. Oops. Thanks

OP posts:
PrettyBotanicals · 19/08/2016 21:02

I'm not sure he can have both an advanced vocabulary and a very basic understanding.

I think you should talk to your DS about appropriate times to be a clever clogs and that while a teacher is giving instruction might not be one of them.

The teacher was not remotely homophobic.

I would have insisted my child apologise too.

HandWash · 19/08/2016 21:02

Obviously you know your son best, but 10yo's know what a lesbian is.

Sound to me like he said it with a 'Yuk! Of course none of us are lesbians!' tone, or the teacher interpreted it as such. Why don't you just wait and see what the teacher says and explain to your son how his comment may have come across?

Good on the teacher for showing zero tolerance to these types of comments.

maddiemookins16mum · 19/08/2016 21:02

This is why I feel sorry for many teachers.

isanyusernamenotinuse · 19/08/2016 21:02

I agree it's not advanced vocabulary. Kids know a lot more than you think. It probably caused other children to giggle and act daft. Another reason the teacher probably sent him out.

turnipturnip · 19/08/2016 21:03

10 year olds have more than a basic understanding. They know a hell of a lot because it is at their fingertips on their phones or those of their friends.

neonrainbow · 19/08/2016 21:03

He sounds like a cheeky little wotsit whose teacher dealt with him appropriately and he couldnt handle being mildly chastised. Is he always this much of a drama llama?

HeddaLettuce · 19/08/2016 21:03

You shouldn't be impressed your ten year old knows what lesbian means. One, because I would expect most ten year olds to know that, and two, because he didn't sound like he actually did understand the word properly given how he used it.
Sounds like he got into trouble for being cheeky to the teacher, and you are trying to make it into something ridicululous like the teacher being homophobic so you can make it be someone elses fault and do a DM sad face about it.
Does he get the dramatics from you?

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