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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Furious with teacher!

302 replies

Pilesofironing · 19/08/2016 20:49

DH and I both missed calls from the school while at work today. They had tried to reach us after school ended. DH was left a message which was from the Deputy Head explaining that DS had been given into "a tiny bit of trouble " and had become really upset, disproportionately so. He was letting us know as he thinks DS may be a worrier and my be subdued over the weekend. He suggested that we don't question him about it in case it makes him more upset.
Of course I questioned DS. He is 10, and yes, he is a worrier.
So this is what had happened....
During a Drama lesson the class were asked to take it in turns to go up to another member of the class and say " I love you ". They were instructed that they must choose a member of the opposite sex. So far so cringey for the average adult never mind 10yo. So my DS, who does have a very advanced vocabulary, said "Of course. None of us are lesbians!" I am actually impressed that he has an idea of what the word means. The class teacher wasn't impressed. He told DS that he was being inappropriate and sent him out of the class! DS is a stickler for rules and has never been in trouble at school. He was sobbing, couldn't eat lunch. In fact he was inconsolable. He must have been so confused about what he had done wrong.
So I am furious! Planning to call the school on Monday and raise concerns about the actions of the class teacher. I feel that his homophobia is far more inappropriate than the use of the word lesbians by a 10yo in a reasonable context. AIBU??

OP posts:
EvilTwins · 23/08/2016 11:16

Sorry, I'm confused. Your "but it's drama for CHILDREN" was in response to a poster telling you that acting is about being a different character. How have I liberally misinterpreted that?

You clearly have a very low opinion of school drama. Shame. Snobbishness is not a nice quality.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 23/08/2016 11:20

Children =/= trees.

Sorry that was so complicated for you.

I really don't think I am being a snob. The snobbishness is this ridiculous, precious assumption that the most important thing is that the teacher in the OP must play 'the game' according to rules you imagine to be super-important.

Actually, what matters is that children get a decent education that doesn't make them feel unfairly upset. Lots of posters have tried to explain how this game doesn't seem like a good idea, because children are at the stage when these sorts of games can stir up all sorts of worries. It is different with adults, not because children are somehow less imaginative or less innately good at drama (as you seem to think I mean), but simply because children at this age are grappling with ideas about sex.

There is no reason to make sex an issue of this game. You've been utterly unable to explain why it's important.

BoneyBackJefferson · 23/08/2016 11:25

There is no reason to make sex an issue of this game.

The only people that have made sex the main issue of the game are the people on the thread wanting to make it an issue.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 23/08/2016 11:26

Um ... yes, boney, only the people who think it is an issue, think it is an issue. Remarkable, that.

Also, only the people who think blue is pretty, think blue is pretty. And only the people who choose to vote for Cameron, choose to vote for Cameron. And so on. It's remarkable how language can say so much while saying so little, eh?

EvilTwins · 23/08/2016 11:27

You have been utterly unable to grasp the concept of the game. If you did, you would stop banging on about it being inappropriate, embarrassing or about gender or sex.

This entire thread is based on a misconception. Anyone (and it's not just me) who has attempted to explain that some posters simply have their facts wrong have been blasted and/or ignored. The posters who have tried to "explain why this game might not be a good idea" are not basing their opinions on knowledge or experience of the facts. The only non-teacher poster who has actually played it says she liked it from Year 4.

Having taught drama for 21 years, I have never come across a child who is "unfairly upset" by this game.

Bit like me telling you that Piers Plowman is shit and then refusing to listen if you tell me it's not, then ignoring you when you tell me why it's not shit by telling you that it is shit because of the dragon.

BoneyBackJefferson · 23/08/2016 11:29

LRD

You know full well what I meant, To clarify

You and others have made sex the issue of the game.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 23/08/2016 11:30

Oh, for pity's sake.

I don't care about the concept of the game, and more than I care about you or anyone else saying Piers Plowman's shit (if you think so, why not? Plenty of people do think so ... why on earth would I care?).

I just care about the facts of the OP. You've been completely unable to explain why the teacher needs to use sex as a distinguishing factor in the game, and my point is that I think that's crappy. Yes? No? Do you want to keep talking about children being trees, or shall we give it a rest?

LRDtheFeministDragon · 23/08/2016 11:31

boney - yes, I know we've made it an issue. Because we think it is one.

Can you not grasp that people sometimes disagree with each other? We think one thing. You think another. The world continues to turn.

EvilTwins · 23/08/2016 11:34

How can you argue that an activity is inappropriate when you don't know and don't care how the activity works Confused

Given that neither one of us is the teacher in the OP, I guess we'll never know.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 23/08/2016 11:38

Because I am arguing that the part of the activity described is inappropriate.

EvilTwins · 23/08/2016 11:43

You cannot assess if an activity is inappropriate without being in full receipt of the facts.

BoneyBackJefferson · 23/08/2016 11:43

LRD

I grasp the issue fine, but you are pushing your agenda, Maybe next time (if the op brings this up with him) he will do it on colour of the pupil's socks, shirts, eyes or hair.

Choosing sex/gender was a lazy method. but you are reading far too much in to it.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 23/08/2016 11:44

No, I'm not reading too much into it. Lazy teaching is poor teaching, especially in this context.

It's quite easy to judge why.

EvilTwins · 23/08/2016 11:48

Wow! Quite a jump to say that this was poor teaching.

Especially when you neither know nor care about the facts.

BoneyBackJefferson · 23/08/2016 11:50

Lazy teaching is poor teaching

There is a whole philosophy of teaching that disputes that, but this wasn't teaching, this was preparation for teaching, a simple method of producing a separation in the class.

OrlyIC · 23/08/2016 11:57

But you have literally no concept of why this is inappropriate. You have just decided that it is without being in full possession of the facts.

I vary games and exercises all the time in order to best meet the specific group of students I've got in front of me. In this case it may well be that the girls will always pick the girls and the boys always the boys and that is where that constraint has come from. It is absolutely nothing to do with sex or hetero-normative expectations because there is absolutely no correlation between the words used and actual relationships or feelings. It would be a rubbish game if there were. Most teachers are capable of reading the students they are working with. I've got multiple variations on this game with different settings and wordings as well. Perhaps we should stop having fun though. Wink

LRDtheFeministDragon · 23/08/2016 12:05

It's inappropriate, for the reasons I've given.

You may not agree with my sense of why it's inappropriate, but it's absolute rubbish to pretend I have 'no concept' of it.

Either you agree the are using sex as a determining factor (which is what's inappropriate), or you're saying that doesn't happen.

EvilTwins · 23/08/2016 12:09

But no one uses anything as a determining factor because it's not that kind of activity which I have explained over and over and you have ignored

Child A chooses a child within the circle to go to. If child B laughs, child A moves on to child C.

It is not a game about sex, discrimination, gender identity or anything else.

Perhaps, LRD, you should think about whether your own very obvious agenda is allowing you to be objective here.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 23/08/2016 12:13

evil, seriously ... you, the OP, and other people have already admitted that they do. This is ridiculous - you're flat-out contradicting the OP's account of an event where you weren't even there.

EvilTwins · 23/08/2016 12:14

Neither was she.

purpleapple1234 · 23/08/2016 12:31

Aren't the kids on holiday?

PurpleDaisies · 23/08/2016 12:35

Not this again. Scotland are back purple.

FeckinCrutches · 23/08/2016 12:53

Every fucking time.

marcopront · 23/08/2016 13:00

Matilda I am really sorry that you had experiences like that in school and I hope

marcopront · 23/08/2016 13:03

I'll try again. I'm in a rickshaw on a bumpy road.

Matilda I'm really sorry you had that experience in school and I hope my post didn't imply you didn't.

As you said it wouldn't have mattered that everyone said it, so the problem is not the game itself but those playing it. Hopefully teachers who use it will consider that.