Furious with teacher!

[Pilesofironing]

DH and I both missed calls from the school while at work today. They had tried to reach us after school ended. DH was left a message which was from the Deputy Head explaining that DS had been given into "a tiny bit of trouble " and had become really upset, disproportionately so. He was letting us know as he thinks DS may be a worrier and my be subdued over the weekend. He suggested that we don't question him about it in case it makes him more upset.
Of course I questioned DS. He is 10, and yes, he is a worrier.
So this is what had happened....
During a Drama lesson the class were asked to take it in turns to go up to another member of the class and say " I love you ". They were instructed that they must choose a member of the opposite sex. So far so cringey for the average adult never mind 10yo. So my DS, who does have a very advanced vocabulary, said "Of course. None of us are lesbians!" I am actually impressed that he has an idea of what the word means. The class teacher wasn't impressed. He told DS that he was being inappropriate and sent him out of the class! DS is a stickler for rules and has never been in trouble at school. He was sobbing, couldn't eat lunch. In fact he was inconsolable. He must have been so confused about what he had done wrong.
So I am furious! Planning to call the school on Monday and raise concerns about the actions of the class teacher. I feel that his homophobia is far more inappropriate than the use of the word lesbians by a 10yo in a reasonable context. AIBU??

I think it will be either his tone, or the fact he was backchatting. Maybe both. Possibly also a crackdown on anything that could be considered homophobic, if he said it in a cheeky way. I seriously doubt he said it in a wide eyed, helpful way. Much more likely it was 'eww' etc.

If you want to talk to the school, I'd refrain from making it solely about the exercise (which I did as a child and was really fun!) because then they will not take your concern about your son's reaction seriously. All they'll see is you blaming the exercise and excusing your son backchatting/making rude remarks.

Obviously if you feel the exercise was really inappropriate, bring it up. But don't sling around homophobia accusations. That's just dangerous, especially as I assume the teacher chose to make it opposite sex to stop 'so and so is gay!' garbage. Because the exercise isn't romantic at all, it's about discipline so making it boy-girl has zilch to do with sexuality.

I would probably want to see about his extreme reaction, to the point the message said that he's a worrier. If his behaviour has been a bit off this week, maybe there's some bullying going on? And he made the remark to try and look cool? I'd be much more concerned about how devastated he is.

You are absolutely being unreasonable and of course the teacher wasn't offended by the word 'lesbian'. It was an odd activity to set 10 year old children but, intended or not, your son's comment was inappropriate and that is why he got pulled up on it.

Sorry I know this isn't the issue but why are children in school mid August or is this Scotland maybe? I don't get "none of us are lesbions" - he's unsurprisingly mixed up as 10 year olds are - does he realise only females are known as lesbions. But I agree that it was a daft thing to say but the teacher over-reacted - he didn't need to send him out. "Ok X that'll do from you" in a firm voice would have sufficed. But I think you are going to confuse your son more over definitions of sexuality if you think the teaccher was homophobic!!

OP, I'm sorry your DS was upset. That's not nice and I think you have been very gracious in this thread. Your DS sounds like my very well meaning 5 year old nephew who can never let an awkward silence go unfilled and feels it's his duty to fill it with some comment that doesn't quite fine out correctly. My sister tries very hard To help him see that sometimes it's better just to button it - but it's a work in progress.

That said, this is (inadvertently, I'm sure) one of the funniest threads I've read on here for ages. Compounded by everyone trying to outdo each other by having the youngest child who knows what a lesbian is. FWIW, my oldest is 3 and has no fucking idea.

Teacher telling kids they must say, "I love you" only to a member of the opposite sex, totally out of order also. I'd be furious too.

This was my first thought when I read the OP. Also, I've known several people who knew by that age that they were gay / lesbian. Your son may be wrong to assume that no one in the room was a lesbian, but the word itself isn't inappropriate - and a better response from the teacher might have been to acknowledge that those assumptions can't really be made, at any age.

he didn't need to send him out. "Ok X that'll do from you" in a firm voice would have sufficed.

why are you so sure that it would have sufficed? often it doesn't.

why are you so sure that it would have sufficed? often it doesn't.

Agreed. It normally works because they've already seen you deal very strongly with people that don't fall in line. At the beginning of term there's often a bit of testing of boundaries and you have to be really on everything.

Do people seriously see this as homophobic?

Or is it just because the child got so distraught?

It was not homophobic and if OP marches in saying that it is she's doing her DS no favours. If we're going to argue this point, it's considerably more likely the DS said it in a 'of course we're not lesbians, ewww' way and is why he didn't just get told to pipe down. I actually think it's great the school didn't minimise that sort of comment.

I do not think the child is homophobic FWIW but if that's the path the OP takes with the school, they'll simply say he was the one being inappropriate.

My issue would be with reaction, not the exercise or the comment. His reaction was hysterical and long lasting too. 'd be very worried about that if it were one of mine.

SpecialAgentFreyPie

Posters got as far as lesbian, and then forgot about the disruption to the learning of the other 25 + pupils in the class.

It is IME a word that people react to.

That said, this is (inadvertently, I'm sure) one of the funniest threads I've read on here for ages.

I did snigger at the op saying the teacher was a middle aged man and certainly not a lesbian.

Why has the school told the OP not to discuss this with her child?

It isn't up to them to decide what she talk to her child about. I would be concerned that they are hiding something.

Pointless really. Who on earth would think "Oh I'd better not ask my child what happened like they told me not to."

Exactly - it's like asking people not to think about the elephant.

It's not a bad word! He shouldn't have shouted out and it could have been (and was) seen as a cheeky remark because of timing and wording

I played that in primary school too (totally forgot about it until I read previous posts) we sat in a circle and one person did it to person next to them and we went round and if you laughed you were out, when it got to the last few you were allowed to use silly voices to try and make them laugh

I know someone who at 10 showed clear sexual preference for the same sex. Your DS may know someone like that too and be sticking up for them in his 10 year old way.

I do think the teacher should not have told him off for what he said, but maybe had a conversation with him.

YANBU!!

You really should have reprimanded your son for his poor grammar. "None of us IS a lesbian" is correct. Being as ridiculous as you, OP.

Pilesofironing YANBU. I've read some comments but not all.

I think the teacher was wrong to ask the chidlren to tell a member of the oposdite sex they loved them. By choosing a member of the opposite sex it clearly was about sexuality and if they wanted to practise that phrase it could have been fathers and sons, mums and daughters etc as well as boyfriend/girlfriend. Although it was not specified boyfriend/girlsfirend this seems to have been the idea.

I think your son was being ironic, none of us are lesbians, meaning some of us (although clearly not him) could be lesbians, and the teacher has not allowed for this.

I think lesbian is quite an advanced word for 10.

But the main thing is:
Stupid idea for a class exercise for 10 year olds, inappropriate IMHO
I wonder if teacher sent him out because they realised what a crap idea it was and wondered where it would all lead....
And why phone you and say don't ask about it, what a stupid thing to do, either don't mention it or give a proper version of events.

Good luck if you do speak to the school.

Special

"Because the exercise isn't romantic at all, it's about discipline so making it boy-girl has zilch to do with sexuality." How do you know this. How else would you assume children would take such an activity?

And why is it 'it's considerably more likely the DS said it in a 'of course we're not lesbians, ewww' way '?

I think the OP's son makes a lot of sense. Perhaps more than the teachers, But OP I'd not say that if you speak to the school.

Good luck.

Lesbian isn't a rude word at all!

BUT I'm pretty sure there was a thread on here recently where another child got a bollocking for using the word in school as well? Anyone else remember that?

Yes, I remember it, Thumbs. Can't remember the details though!

"Because the exercise isn't romantic at all, it's about discipline so making it boy-girl has zilch to do with sexuality." How do you know this. How else would you assume children would take such an activity?

FFS, it's a drama game. A well known one. Like fruit salad and wink murder and all the others that drama teachers play day in day out. The whole point is to keep a straight face. It's not about sexuality, any more than wink murder is about violence.

Jeez, stuff like this makes me want to quit teaching.

I know it's a drama game, but when DD plays it at her club they get in a circle before they know about the exercise and just say it yo whoever is standing next to them.

Having to choose a member of the opposite sec to say it to seems a bit much for 10 year olds.

I'm surprised by how many people think the teacher is out of order. If my kids start shouting out to disrupt the class, I want the teacher to show them quickly and without any fuss that it's not on, and they should focus on their work.
The teacher didn't give your kid a hard time, just removed them from the situation to enable the other kids to play their game without fuss.

thelying ah but many parents prefer to blame the teacher you see. They don't want their snowflake spoken about anything negative.

It was an inappropriate drama excersise to behin with. As an introvert anxious 10yr old that excerise would have upset me greatly.

This flawd excerise resulted in a perhaps somewhat inappropriate reaction from your son. AS A RESULT OF THE EXCERISE.

I am sorry he is so upset, yes it is an overreaction (duh) but I think it is important to figure out why he worries so much and how to help him. I was ridiculously anxious at school about getting into trouble.

Perhaps have a chat with him that getting into trouble for a genuine mistake is not the end of the world? That it happens to all of us?