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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Furious with teacher!

302 replies

Pilesofironing · 19/08/2016 20:49

DH and I both missed calls from the school while at work today. They had tried to reach us after school ended. DH was left a message which was from the Deputy Head explaining that DS had been given into "a tiny bit of trouble " and had become really upset, disproportionately so. He was letting us know as he thinks DS may be a worrier and my be subdued over the weekend. He suggested that we don't question him about it in case it makes him more upset.
Of course I questioned DS. He is 10, and yes, he is a worrier.
So this is what had happened....
During a Drama lesson the class were asked to take it in turns to go up to another member of the class and say " I love you ". They were instructed that they must choose a member of the opposite sex. So far so cringey for the average adult never mind 10yo. So my DS, who does have a very advanced vocabulary, said "Of course. None of us are lesbians!" I am actually impressed that he has an idea of what the word means. The class teacher wasn't impressed. He told DS that he was being inappropriate and sent him out of the class! DS is a stickler for rules and has never been in trouble at school. He was sobbing, couldn't eat lunch. In fact he was inconsolable. He must have been so confused about what he had done wrong.
So I am furious! Planning to call the school on Monday and raise concerns about the actions of the class teacher. I feel that his homophobia is far more inappropriate than the use of the word lesbians by a 10yo in a reasonable context. AIBU??

OP posts:
allowlsthinkalot · 19/08/2016 21:47

My six and four year olds know what lesbian means :-S

He was being cheeky but it was a ridiculous lesson plan that was bound to lead to trouble. I'm not sure what the teacher's problem was but sending him out for one remark seems a bit OTT.

Original poster
Pilesofironing · 19/08/2016 21:53

I just realised that the thread title has attracted teachers who are picturing me as their worst nightmare parent. I am honestly not! Much calmer now Smile

OP posts:
TheSilverChair · 19/08/2016 21:53

It sounds like a drama warm up exercise that has been around for years.

One says to another, "I love you, Baby, if you love me smile!"

The other says, "I love you too, Baby, but I just can't smile!"

And both have to not laugh or smile.

It's basic drama teaching 101.

BoneyBackJefferson · 19/08/2016 21:54

Metalguru

It is called disrupting the lesson (not even at a low level), and if allowed it will destroy more teaching hours than you would think.

Nobody should have to put up with it whether teacher or pupil.

bakeoffcake · 19/08/2016 21:55

Why would a 10 year old not know the meaning of the word lesbian?

Mine are grow ups now but they definitely knew what the word meant at that age and they lived very rurally and weren't at all "streetwise". Surely all 10 years olds know? Different sexualities are a normal part of society.

YorkieDorkie · 19/08/2016 21:58

As a former drama student I have to comment on the activity for 10yos. I have played this game before but during my GCSE classes so between ages 15 and 16. It's an activity to develop focus and discipline between actors. Say "I love you" sincerely and also receive the phrase with sincerity and focus. It's a lot harder than it sounds and pretty ridiculous to attempt with primary kids. That said, your DC was rude. Regardless of the appropriateness of the task.

neveradullmoment99 · 19/08/2016 21:59

I take it your ds is in primary 6?
There is no way i would even do that as a drama warm up!
My dd who is that age would be mortified.

Rainbowunicorn73 · 19/08/2016 22:01

Lol yes pile of ironing that's me!!
Beware the wrath of the teacher (lesbian teacher too!!)

I must admit if you're brave enough AIBU is an excellent place to ask your question because people don't pull any punches!!

I found out I was a nightmare neighbour earlier this week Confused

Rainbowunicorn73 · 19/08/2016 22:01

Lol yes pile of ironing that's me!!
Beware the wrath of the teacher (lesbian teacher too!!)

I must admit if you're brave enough AIBU is an excellent place to ask your question because people don't pull any punches!!

I found out I was a nightmare neighbour earlier this week Confused

PurpleDaisies · 19/08/2016 22:02

I just realised that the thread title has attracted teachers who are picturing me as their worst nightmare parent. I am honestly not!

Honestly, you don't sound like a nightmare. Your little boy was upset-it's natural you want to be in his side. You've seen the other side of the argument with good grace.

I don't mind talking to parents about why I've done what I've done (and occasionally admitting to being wrong) as long as they're calm and will listen to my side of it.

neveradullmoment99 · 19/08/2016 22:02

... and sometimes children say thinks because they are being cheeky. Sometimes children may say things because they feel akward, embaressed and exposed. Im not excusing it though.

SpookyRachel · 19/08/2016 22:04

OP, I suspect this is one of those events where you had to be there to really get what was going on. So talk to the teacher, guns not blazing.

helensburgh · 19/08/2016 22:06

Forget the whole lesbiam and love thing.
All.you need to accept is your child spoke back to a teacher. Unacceptable.

Whatkatyforgottodo · 19/08/2016 22:14

I think it sounds like your son may have been being a bit cheeky and learnt a valuable lesson that this doesn't go down very well with certain people... at his age teachers, later it could be his boss so I guess it needs to be learnt. I would be much more concerned that they are being told they can only say 'I love you' to members of the opposite sex! As a previous poster said, this makes it very difficult for children who are only just learning about their own sexuality. I also feel it implies that only heterosexual love has any value in society. However, if it is a religious school, they may not be allowed to give any recognition to non-heterosexual love although if that is the case I think they should have found a different way of teaching whatever lesson they were trying to teach!

meck · 19/08/2016 22:16

I don't think a complaint about homophobia needs to made for similar reasons given by other posters. But I don't think he should have been sent out of the room either.

meck · 19/08/2016 22:19

My thoughts on the 'lesson' and the teaching another matter altogether but then I don't know the context.

Firsttimer82 · 19/08/2016 22:23

We need to stop all the blaming of teachers and stand beside and support them when they have to discipline our kids. I would also make my son apologise.

MrsGsnow18 · 19/08/2016 22:29

Hope everyone is okay now OP!
I did find this a strange drama activity but after reading a few other comments I do remember that ' smile' game!
I'm off to play it with DH now to see if I can make him smile Grin

BiscuitMillionaire · 19/08/2016 22:30

Forget the whole lesbiam and love thing.
All.you need to accept is your child spoke back to a teacher. Unacceptable.

Yes and they should stand in the corner with a dunce hat on. That's if they don't get six of the best.

Oh no, wait, we're not in 1930.

BiscuitMillionaire · 19/08/2016 22:34

It sounds like a deeply inappropriate exercise to do with 10 year olds. No wonder the Deputy Head called and suggested you don't ask questions!

It obviously wasn't just about a child 'calling out' or being 'gobby'.

meck · 19/08/2016 22:42

We need to stop all the blaming of teachers and stand beside and support them when they have to discipline our kids. I would also make my son apologise.

Unquestioningly? I don't think so (said as a member of the profession).

Chickoletta · 19/08/2016 22:45

If people bothered reading the whole thread they would see that OP has, with very good grace, accepted that she was being unreasonable and doesn't need to be berated further.

As a drama teacher(secondary) I would question the wisdom of this particular exercise with 10 yr olds. I would say that the teacher was putting his/her class in a very awkward position. Suspect that your DS may have made what he thought was a witty comment to cover tension/awkwardness/embarrassment.

Before everyone jumps on me, yes I find it sad that a class of 10 yr olds would feel uncomfortable talking about loving each other, but yes, I've also taught/directed a lot of kids and can tell you from experience that there would be at least some children in every class that would absolutely hate this.

If/when you talk to the teacher it might be worth asking him/her to explain the aims of the exercise and how it fitted into their wider scheme if work.

PurpleDaisies · 19/08/2016 22:47

I agree with meck. Teachers aren't infallible. As long as they're challenged in a reasonable and professional manner I don't think there's a problem with asking them why they've taken a particular course of action.

popup2 · 19/08/2016 22:56

Can I ask / suggest you that your child might be on the autistic spectrum? (Please don't be offended) The reaction and behaviour sounds that way. If so school should be understanding and made aware of how to deal with this, maybe they haven't a clue how to deal with such 'meltdown'.

I personally think it was a strange thing to ask any child to do. I'm sure by 10yrs old children understand what the term lesbian means. I'm shocked at the (not age appropriate) terms used during their sex education lessons. Instead of punishing your child they should of used it as a learning opportunity but now it's brought negative attention to a term that in this day and age should be used freely. The teacher has instead made 30 10yr olds think lesbian is a taboo word which is completely wrong.

You aren't being unreasonable, your son has done nothing inappropriate, maybe a teacher asking 10yr olds to say I love you to each other is inappropriate! Of course they wouldn't take it seriously, why put them in that situation in the first place?

PurpleDaisies · 19/08/2016 23:04

Autism is a MASSIVE leap popup. Don't you think the op might have mentioned it?

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