Furious with teacher!

[Pilesofironing]

DH and I both missed calls from the school while at work today. They had tried to reach us after school ended. DH was left a message which was from the Deputy Head explaining that DS had been given into "a tiny bit of trouble " and had become really upset, disproportionately so. He was letting us know as he thinks DS may be a worrier and my be subdued over the weekend. He suggested that we don't question him about it in case it makes him more upset.
Of course I questioned DS. He is 10, and yes, he is a worrier.
So this is what had happened....
During a Drama lesson the class were asked to take it in turns to go up to another member of the class and say " I love you ". They were instructed that they must choose a member of the opposite sex. So far so cringey for the average adult never mind 10yo. So my DS, who does have a very advanced vocabulary, said "Of course. None of us are lesbians!" I am actually impressed that he has an idea of what the word means. The class teacher wasn't impressed. He told DS that he was being inappropriate and sent him out of the class! DS is a stickler for rules and has never been in trouble at school. He was sobbing, couldn't eat lunch. In fact he was inconsolable. He must have been so confused about what he had done wrong.
So I am furious! Planning to call the school on Monday and raise concerns about the actions of the class teacher. I feel that his homophobia is far more inappropriate than the use of the word lesbians by a 10yo in a reasonable context. AIBU??

I wouldn't say the teacher was being homophobic but you may want to raise the issue of such a heteronormative exercise being taught in class. At 10 years you are beginning to find yourself and this exercise is enforcing the idea that only m/f relationships count for anything. To anyone who doesn't agree, I know it may not seem like a big deal to you but to a kid that is beginning to understand who they are it can be tough.

Sending him out sounds like a total overreaction on the part of the teacher. If every ten year old who made an inappropriate jokey comment (sounds to me like that's what he was trying to do) was sent out of class every time, half the class would be missing. Sending a child out if class should be reserved for more serious misdemeanours IMO.

Did you ask why they were asked to say "I love you" to a child of the opposite sex? Does your son think lesbian means a gay person of either sex?
Probably being told off would have been enough if he is usually well behaved and not in the habit of being rude, but she probably hasn't got to know the kids well yet this early in the year and is trying to lay down expectations for behaviour. I'd encourage him to move on and forget it. I'm sure the teacher will soon get to know that he's usually a well behaved boy. I agree what they were asked to do was embarrassing though and his embarrassment might have led to him blurting out the wrong thing.

Op I think you've had a really hard time.

He sounds like a 10 year old boy who made a silly comment. Yes it was inappropriate but it's a good opportunity for you to have a chat with him.

How, if he's such a stickler for the rules as you say, did he manage to do something that he wasn't asked to?
He was being gobby, was told off, and that's the end of it.
Sobbing to the point of not being able to eat lunch is so over dramatic. But as you were so furious and ready to over react yourself, I can see where he's got it from!!
Glad you've seen sense and will hopefully use this to talk to him about appropriate behaviour in school.
The exercise itself seems a bit odd though, but not much context given here.

Actually children that have never been told off do get very upset, especially at being sent out of the class.

metal she's doing it precisely so she doesn't have to have bad behaviour in her class all year long. If the reaction was a little discussion every time, the class would understand from that that yelling out comments at will was fine and acceptable.

It sounds similar to one I remember from school. You go up to someone, look right in their eyes and say 'Tell me that you love me.' And they respond with 'I do love you honey but I just can't smile', without smiling. It's actually quite tricky!

Firstly, you're "impressed" that your ten year old knows the word lesbian? Why???
My four year old knows it, it's a fairly straightforward word so I think pride in this scenario is a little misplaced.
Secondly, your ds was cheeky/rude and got sent out.... Not really worth any great drama in the grand scheme of things.
Thirdly, how on earth have you come to the conclusion that the teacher's homophobic??

Personally I wouldn't have sent a normally well behaved child out for one comment but it's really not that big of a deal.

Can't see how you're furious, of your boy is this distressed over a small incident then he needs support to build up his resilience or he'll find secondary school tough.

Maybe work on this rather than winding your ds up by getting angry with his teacher?

PurpleDaisies, ah see that's outside my experience, both my DS and I being the types to have plenty of experience of trouble...

herds making comments during a drama class is entirely appropriate, totally different from desk work where everyone is concentrating and a hand should be raised. Especially during role play. So the teacher must have had an issue with what it was that was said, in which case a verbal reprimand far more proportionate than sending a child out of a class. Bad behaviour? Immature perhaps, but having worked in education with this age group this is not what I would call bad behaviour.

Anyone else wondering why teacher didn't just say something like, 'of course when you grow up it'd be okay for you to say it to whoever you choose, but that's not what I asked you to do in this exercise and DS, we don't speak like that in class, do we?

No

Tbh you should be glad that the teacher has good discipline and does not accept kids calling out and disrupting the lesson. Your ds now knows that this isn't OK and as he is normally well behaved won't do it again. I think kids who are normally well behaved do get very upset about being told off for anything at all. I also think that you are not used to anything but praise for your ds so are mortified and upset on his behalf. Try to recognise this. Imagine your ds told you this story about another child being sent out for making a silly comment like this. You would probably have had v different feelings about the whole scenario.

The thing witch jumps out at me, is the teacher telling you not to discuss the issue with your son.

I think that's a really weird request

metal from reading the OP, it seemed she had given the class a direction and the OP's son called out his smart alec reply. Just because the subject is a practical subject doesn't mean that the class is allowed to call out random comments whenever they want. And when they are in a circle as a class it is normal to put your hand up to make a comment. It wasn't in the middle of a role play in the practical work section, from what was said.

soloman

I've worked in both primary and secondary and it's amazing how students react when you're telling them off on their own away from their friends to show off to. I've had a fair few sobbing.

It has to be done though. If you send out naughty kids for shouting out, you have to send out normally well behaved one too. The often naughty kids will resent you for picking on them and the normally fine ones will keep stepping out of line. Consistency in discipline is the absolute key to keeping control of the classroom.

I imagine that the teacher concerned may have got more complaints from parents if he had discussed sexuality with the drama class as a result of your sons outburst!

Ha ha yes Grilledaubergines, unless there's more to it then sending out does sound a bit much, especially as he's normally well behaved.
Start of term though so could be a new/young teacher thinking "nip smart comments in the bud" ?

Op, glad you seem a bit calmer now, I hope you and your boy have a good weekend and he's ok going in to school on Monday.

Oh dear, I have attracted some criticism. DS has no idea that the school called or that I am annoyed and he certainly knows that it is wrong to be cheeky or shout out in class. This has been discussed at length. He is being dramatic, ironically.
He certainly doesn't understand the word and I think he probably does think it just means gay. He was probably trying to impress his new teacher and it backfired.

This is a teacher who is known for being eccentric so I made assumptions.
But jeez, I am taken aback at some of the comments here. I did put myself up for it though so fair enough.
Thank you to those who have offered advice and been helpful. I will not make a fool of myself on Monday now. I hope!

Some very Victorian attitudes to how to teach kids drama on this thread! It should be about talking, exploring feelings, empathy, and children should be encouraged to contribute with their opinions, no suggestion he was disruptive as pp have suggested, the issue the teacher had was clearly with what he says, I'm sure lots of boys would have been groaning about having to say I love you to a girl in their class!

My point being I'm sure other boys would have been making noise about it, but weren't sent out. No group of ten year old boys I've worked with would do that activity without grumbling and groaning first.

During a Drama lesson the class were asked to take it in turns to go up to another member of the class and say " I love you ". They were instructed that they must choose a member of the opposite sex.
Really? I am a primary teacher
What on earth was the lesson about? I teach drama frequently to 7 year olds and i would never teach that in a drama lesson. Sounds like you should be questioning why they were doing this?
I would have a problem with that.
As for your ds, well it did sound cheeky. He may not have meant it and blurted it out without thinking. The teacher, like all human beings may have had a few cheeky comments from the children in general and at the end of her patience has given them all into trouble. It does beg the question why on earth you would do a lesson like that with children that are 10 and becoming conscious of themselves. Seems a tad inppropriate to me and questionable.

metal - Of course it is, but you have to have a structure and scaffolding in place in order to free them. If there are no initial standards and structure in place, your class won't know what is expected and can't then relax into the work and learning. It is not Victorian to set up boundaries. It might not have been a planned "disruption" but it was a silly comment and not needed. Very often the teachers with the firmest and clearest boundaries have classes which have the most fun and learn the most.

metal you're making some massive assumptions there. If I'm explaining what the class is doing next, I insist on everyone listening in silence. I absolutely would discipline someone shouting out smart Alec comments at that point. There certainly wouldn't be grumbling or moaning. Once the activity starts I accept there may well be whinging, but nobody talks while I'm talking to the whole class. How do you ever get anything done otherwise?

Some very Victorian attitudes to how to teach kids drama on this thread!
If it was a must to do this, then it could have been achieved in a different way. It is not helpful to have children feel 'exposed' in this way during a drama session.