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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Furious with teacher!

302 replies

Pilesofironing · 19/08/2016 20:49

DH and I both missed calls from the school while at work today. They had tried to reach us after school ended. DH was left a message which was from the Deputy Head explaining that DS had been given into "a tiny bit of trouble " and had become really upset, disproportionately so. He was letting us know as he thinks DS may be a worrier and my be subdued over the weekend. He suggested that we don't question him about it in case it makes him more upset.
Of course I questioned DS. He is 10, and yes, he is a worrier.
So this is what had happened....
During a Drama lesson the class were asked to take it in turns to go up to another member of the class and say " I love you ". They were instructed that they must choose a member of the opposite sex. So far so cringey for the average adult never mind 10yo. So my DS, who does have a very advanced vocabulary, said "Of course. None of us are lesbians!" I am actually impressed that he has an idea of what the word means. The class teacher wasn't impressed. He told DS that he was being inappropriate and sent him out of the class! DS is a stickler for rules and has never been in trouble at school. He was sobbing, couldn't eat lunch. In fact he was inconsolable. He must have been so confused about what he had done wrong.
So I am furious! Planning to call the school on Monday and raise concerns about the actions of the class teacher. I feel that his homophobia is far more inappropriate than the use of the word lesbians by a 10yo in a reasonable context. AIBU??

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 19/08/2016 23:08

Take it from me assuming you don't all live in a bubble your DS will know exactly what a lesbian is. Don't be so nieve

SilverGiraffe7 · 19/08/2016 23:14

Is there a chance the teacher thought he said "Of course, none of us are lesbians..." and took it as an inappropriate remark about her own sexuality?

Original poster
Pilesofironing · 19/08/2016 23:21

Okay, he knows that a lesbian is in a same sex relationship. We talked about this. He had no idea that this was a rude word. He is now mortified that he said it. He does not think that the punishment was for speaking out but for what he said. Which is why I went down the homophobia road. Wrongly? I sincerely hope so!

OP posts:
BerriesandLeaves · 19/08/2016 23:21

Suspect that your DS may have made what he thought was a witty comment to cover tension/awkwardness/embarrassment

I think this too.

Original poster
Pilesofironing · 19/08/2016 23:22

The teacher is a man in late middle age so experienced and certainly not a lesbian.

OP posts:
HeddaLettuce · 19/08/2016 23:23

I think you should be focusing on why your ten year old was acting like a toddler rather than whatever the teacher did.
Sobbing, inconsolable and unable to eat lunch? Seriously, thats just weird. Deal with that shit first.

popup2 · 19/08/2016 23:23

PurpleDaisies - a lot of children aren't diagnosed at all and some parents aren't aware of symptoms. It can really change a child's life for the better to have a condition like autism/ADHD acknowledged. My intention is to help and most definitely not to jump to conclusions.

Original poster
Pilesofironing · 19/08/2016 23:35

Popup2 thank you for trying to help. Much appreciated. This meltdown has come after a week of quite strange behaviour.
Hedda, I will of course focus on my child. I am allowed to question the situation though.

OP posts:
CarefullyAirbrushedPotato · 19/08/2016 23:38

Sounds like a poorly handled teaching opportunity tbh. Bit of a random one to escalate to raised voices and sending out etc.
Sorry your son got in such a state, some kids are sensitive to situations like that, I'm sure he'll be fine in time
Tell you what though, there's no reason a 10 year old should have a poor grasp of what lesbian means, I'd say it's time to rectify that.

So I don't think you're BU to want to talk to the school, or to reassure your child
But YABU to call the teacher homophobic (what? Why?) and if you don't clue up your kid YABVU
Hth

cardibach · 19/08/2016 23:41

Piles lesbian is not a rude word! It's the context which was the issue, not the word.

BerriesandLeaves · 19/08/2016 23:43

Has the week of strange behaviour been since he's been back at school?

DixieNormas · 19/08/2016 23:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shizzlestix · 19/08/2016 23:46

YABVU. How the hell was the teacher homophobic. Massive reach.

84miles · 19/08/2016 23:48

Hang on though - it was a bit of a shit task in the first place. Any teacher that decides to ask a bunch of 10 year olds to say 'I love you' to a classmate in front of everyone else has got to expect a few out-of-normal-character responses, surely?!??!

VioletBam · 19/08/2016 23:49

As someone who teaches drama to children, I do think the teacher overreacted. Kids say all kinds of silly things to cover up embarrassment.

sailawaywithme · 19/08/2016 23:50

Well done, OP, you reacted to people's comments with good grace!

EvilTwins · 19/08/2016 23:57

It's a drama game. You say I love you and the person you're speaking to has to remain straight faced. I play it with my classes. The year 7s love it more than most. We've wasted hours in drama club or at show rehearsals playing it. It's not weird. No more weird than swapping seats if the person in the middle says strawberry anyway.

VimFuego101 · 20/08/2016 00:04

Ignoring your DS's behavior (which was silly, but I suspect he was embarrassed), this sounds like a strange exercise that would be humiliating to some kids. The teacher should not have told you not to discuss it with him, that's really odd.

SawdustInMyHair · 20/08/2016 00:04

I would not have taught that activity with the 'opposite sex' thing (the teacher may well have done it to avoid tittering about people being 'gay' if they did it with the same sex), but your son was rude - speaking out of turn and it could have been seen as homophobic language which most schools crack down on in the same way they would on racist comments.

He is massively overreacting, and frankly you can kinda see where he's getting it from.

LittleBeautyBelle · 20/08/2016 00:12

The teacher is not homophobic. Simply was not expecting that word to come out of a ten year old's mouth. I disagree with you, I don't think that word was in context at all in the situation however, I can completely see how a ten year old would link a word he's become familiar with to a situation at school that seems to have sex/romance/relationships in common.

I think it was wrong for the teacher to punish him. You son kind of unwittingly said something he didn't know was inappropriate so I feel it is cruel to punish. The teacher could have talked to him privately, in a low key manner and explain that the word is not appropriate in class because it has to do with adult situations (or something, someone else could probably come up with something more eloquent)

My concern is why in the world would the teacher want to make the children do this particular exercise? It sounds weird to me! What was the teacher's goal in playing this game, I'm just wondering.

LittleBeautyBelle · 20/08/2016 00:14

Also, I too think it is strange (and inappropriate!) of the teacher to tell you not to discuss with your own child. You have every right to discuss with your own child anything that happens with him.

Namechangingl · 20/08/2016 00:17

Oh dear. OP your original post has made me dread going back to school in a couple of weeks..

Ifeelsuchafool · 20/08/2016 00:25

Child bantering in class should be told to be quiet, sending out of class on first offence, massively over the top.. Teacher telling kids they must say, "I love you" only to a member of the opposite sex, totally out of order also. I'd be furious too.

BoneyBackJefferson · 20/08/2016 00:29

Just FYI for those that didn't read it all properly.

It wasn't the teacher that said not to discuss it.

PurpleDaisies · 20/08/2016 00:36

Child bantering in class should be told to be quiet, sending out of class on first offence, massively over the top

The op has mentioned "strange behaviour" this week-I wonder if it wasn't the first offence. We're not in possession of all the facts here.

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