Aibu to think that if you buy someone a birthday present...you dont then take it back off them?

[shiteattheseaside]

Ok so this will need some background explanation:

1. My mother and father are very very well off (house over a milion, 2 porches, 3 horses)

1. Even though people may make a judgement of what i am going to say, i am the total opposite of a spoilt brat. ..totally on the contrary i have never asked for anything from them, i have bought everything myself from working at 15 and moving out at 18 to uni with pretty much nil help from them (which admittedly i dont expect but indont understand why they dont offer when they are so well off and im struggling tbh)

Ok so, my mum and dad bought me a car for my 18th birthday (seccond hand, but decent little first car, worth about 4500). Jump to me being 20 at uni, i have a rather wild weekend with friends - paid for by my student loan at the time. I had thought i had another installmeny of student loan to do me to the end of the year but i had misscalculated and was basically down of about 1300 ( my fault totally). I spoke to my dad and explained my stupid mistake and asked if he would mind lending me the money (which i would pay back straight away when my next loan/work wage came in in a couple months time) baring in mind this is the first and only time i had ever asked my very wealthy parents for help (i was paying my own accomodation fees, uni fees and had a student loan for living, they helped with literally nothing). My dad then said that he would sell my car to cover the cost to help me out (baring in mind the car was my birthday presblent from 2 years ago and was worth 4500) he sold my car and gave me 1300.

Aibu to think that this was fcking shit of them to do this? Or perhaps they were trying to teach me a lesson? This happened 5 years ago bow but i still dont understand why, when id never asked for help before, they dont help me financially at all since me being 15 and they are extreamly well off?

aye If you had bothered reading carefully, you would know that she avoided specifics to avoid identification, and meant 'five years or thereabouts'. Not a crime. Don't be a dick.

Apple, 1:1 is a double first, awarded by Oxbridge unis

As anyone who actually had one would know

So many people think they're Sherlock fucking Holmes, troll hunting away. But Sherlock Holmes was really clever.

I dont know why people are determined to think i am lying. What reason do i have to lie? The reason why things probably look like the dont make sense is because ive had to drip feed information. And i do have a 1st classification degree, and some people do use the term 1:1, i just did..?? I thought it sounded better than 1st in typing it down as it doesnt sound right typing it vs saying it. However i dont know what im bothering to explain to you as you are determined to say i am lying. I have explained why it seemed as though it was 5 years ago and then 7....because i put 5 years down rounding it up than having to give every exact minute detail until someone was saying it didnt make sense!

This happened to me a long time ago, it still bothers me and stuff like this occasionally comes up in conversation with my partner and it did recently hence why i thought i would post here to see wether, objectivly, they were being 100 percent reasonable , and although i know i made a stupid mistake, now i have a child of my own i feel like i wouldnt have done that myself so thought id see what other people thought.

Yes there is alot of background stuff going on such as my mum being an alcoholic, which doesnt have anything to do with what the post is about and probably why its still bothering me years later but thats the way it is. Like i said before, if you dont want to beleive me thats fine, but this is my life and it did happen, and im sorry but it did happen how im saying it happened even if you think it doesnt make sense. I am not going to lower myself to taking a bloody photo of my degree etc and posting it here to prove myself.

And for your information i can afford better now than then to study thisntime around because i wasnt means tested by their wage. Yes its still a tight stretch and sometimes it is 50 quid thats got to be made to stretch..but id rather be skint for another couple of years to secure our financial security in the long run. Never thought id be hounded for actually bettering myself.

This is whats wrong on mumsnet, some people are determined to 'out' the op in anyway or to pick them up on absolutely anything, spelling, grammar, the fact that they dared to make 1 mistake etc... i left mumsnet for quite a while because i couldnt stand the way some people would just relentlessly hound the op for no reason other than for, it seems, their own amusement. 1300 for a weekend was fucking stupid. I know that now, inknew it straight away then. I was very depressed at the time having moved half the country for uni, in had no one and nothing and had a 'fuck it' and 'have fun now and think later' moment, which i knew was wrong and reckless the instant id done it. I very much doubt that every single one of you have now, in your adult lives have never asked for help ever off anyone (like another poster has pointed out, even when you budget and plan and save unexpected shit still happens )

Honestly, rather than coming across as a nice objective comunity who will support others and give hibest oppinions, you just come across as a very nasty clique of women who like to laugh at others expense. Im not asking anyone to sit here and say aww poor shiteattheseaside, but i dont think i deserve the crap some have been spouting on here!

Sorry about the spelling as once again i am on my phone and typing fast as im rather anoyed.

I would feel a bit peeved if I were in your position. Are your parents generous when out with friends or are they generally tightwads?

I think you should either have a conversation with them about how you feel and depending on that, cut your losses and stop contacting them or just stop contacting them.

I think you probably are not being unreasonable to be resentful of their lack of help, not particularly about the car, they didn't 'take it back' as such at all..

What I think is unreasonable is that you had to fund Uni yourself, when THEIR income/savings affected the help you'd get there, as thats done on the concept that parents who can afford to WILL help their children out financially... only yours didn't.

But really, you can either talk to them about this or let it go.

Seven, im not really sure what there like with friends, i dont think they're tight but dont think they flash the cash either. And yes to previous posters, i supose you dont know the full extent to their financial situation, but i know they dont have any debt and my mum would think nothing of walking into a shop and spending 400 on clothes on a whim, she has done so very recently when i visited her. Im not begruding her spending her money - just saying that i really dont think they are trying to look as though they have a lavish lifestyle whilst being in debt...i know they bought there house outright, not a mortgage and all there cars are bought not finance

Widdlin- my dad helped me fill out the student finance forms and i remember saying to him why is it means tested on your wage when i will be supporting myself etc and just said thats how it is - and at the time bot knowing any better i just aceppted it. Now that really erks me. To be honest it actualy feels asthough they have gone out of their way to not help me.

Its as i said at the start, it was out of sight out of mind. I was at the other end of the country at uni (their only child) and, im not exagerating, they wouldnt ring me for months at a time to even see how i was doing until i phoned my mum and had a bit of a blow up and said why do you not ring and she gave me some waffle about being very busy but she would 'make to effort' (despite her not working or having any real commitments)

While I think it was a little unfair if your Dad (Mine would and has bailed me out occasionally), you definitely seem to resent your mother's spending and like you feel entitled to similar treatment from your parents.

Your comments regarding your Mum come across as 'she flippantly buys expensive things while I'm struggling and I'm sitting here struggling and Mum and Dad just let me keep on struggling'... There's a sense of unfairness coming from you which perhaps you need to have a conversation with them about.

To be honest, I think you need to let it go. It happened and you learned from it.

Yeah i realise I need to move on and shouldnt resent them. I think its just incomprehensible to me how, them being so well off (and they are, not just well off, but extreamly weathy) could see there only daughter struggle and never once offer help. I would never expect help or to be bailed out...but im sorry, they are in the position to help and it wouldnt even make a dint in their side financially...yet they dont. I dont feel like they ow me it, its just now im a mum i could never see myself doing that. To me its like winning the lottery when my sons just moved out and saying 'sorry son your an adult now, good luck with that' whilst i go and treat myself to a ferarri....i just wouldnt do that!

And smurfit i get what your saying and agree but im not asking for similar treatment - 400 quid to buy a top, more like to be offered 20 quid or something till payday when ive only got 50 quid to live on etc (and im not saying oooo this is what they should do - cough up money on a regular basis, im just using this a an example now, not about the car/1300 money situation when i was 20) so its not like im expecting them to fund some lavish lifestyle i feel i was cheated out of, i just dont see how they can do that so flipantly whilst knowing im struggling

I think your father is a tight arse and don't understand the point of having money if you don't use it to make your families life better/ easier. It's selfish

Would I help out my usually sensible, independent, high potential child if she made a silly mistake without removing her mode of transport?

Of course. Reasonable people would.

Would I leave her to struggle I was flush? Never.

I don't understand their behaviour either tbh, my parents are extremely generous to me (not spooling me but helping when and if I need it) but not everyone is and some much more so.

You are resentful at the fact that they can help you but don't which implies you expect more because it's easily within their means. Perhaps expect isn't the right word but there appears to be an underlying sense of entitlement. I fully understand why you feel let down but you do need to accept the way they are and move on before you destroy the relationship you have with them (assuming you want to preserve it) else this resentment will eat away at you.

Exactly what dogstinks said. I think you didn't get the worst parents but you didn't get the best either.

Try to let it go so you can not be upset by it and focus on the future. If you have kids, you can do for them what your parents never did.

Frankly, I think that your dad's actions in selling the car and giving you the residue (which I bet it was - depreciation is crippling), was absolutely fair. You showed a complete lack of responsibility, even if it was only the once. I have been in exactly the same position - my very wealthy parents believed that at 18, my siblings and I were on our own. Nothing like having to take responsibility for one's own actions and the consequences to keep one on the straight and narrow. You are a parent, have a partner, are in your late twenties - of course you should be standing on your own feet and not expecting constant subbing from parents. You made choices for which your parents are not responsible. Having said that, if my own kids were in desperate straits financially, would I help them out? Of course I would, in a heartbeat.

Would people get off their high horse.She made one mistake,selling her car was mean.Not helping out when she has £50 to do her was mean.They could have helped her,what sort of parents would see you struggle just to make a point.

I dont get this idea that once you are 18 you should never help your children again.I have 2 adult sons and if they ever needed my help i would be there,cause thats what im supposed to do.

It's totally normal to spend all your money on fun and go cap in hand to your parents at uni. Some of you weren't doing it properly

Polyglot - i have said over and over i do not and have not expected 'constant subbing' - i just thought that, like you just said you woukd do for your kids, would help out in a heartbeat if your kids really needed a hand the once.

I think it appalling that your parents can have so much and yet be so miserly and unforgiving with their own daughter - outrageous that they can sit back and watch you struggle with a small child. You're clearly a grafter and are doing all you can to better yourself - take pride in that and distance yourself from your parents for your own sanity. Your mother's FB posts make her sound dreadful - I was going to say stealth boasting about being bought cars she doesn't need but on second thoughts there's nothing stealth like about them. On the other hand your partner's parents sound lovely and are prepared to defend you and clearly have your best interests at heart.
My parents weren't rich by any means but were fairly comfortable but also never gave me anything after I left home at 18 - at times I struggled but now in my 50s life is easier and I can look back with pride that evertything I have I worked for all myself with no help from anyone and I'm glad about that.

Op, I think your parents sound mean, and I would not treat my children like that.

If it helps with the people telling you off, my brother spent £1500 on carpets in India when he was 18 and on holiday before starting university. It was a well known scam where you're locked in the shop until you pay up. My parents bailed him out that time and were glad he's okay.

If I were you I think if limit contact with your parents and concentrate on your own little family who sound lovely. Block your mum on fb as well just to give yourself some space.