Aibu to think that if you buy someone a birthday present...you dont then take it back off them?

[shiteattheseaside]

Ok so this will need some background explanation:

1. My mother and father are very very well off (house over a milion, 2 porches, 3 horses)

1. Even though people may make a judgement of what i am going to say, i am the total opposite of a spoilt brat. ..totally on the contrary i have never asked for anything from them, i have bought everything myself from working at 15 and moving out at 18 to uni with pretty much nil help from them (which admittedly i dont expect but indont understand why they dont offer when they are so well off and im struggling tbh)

Ok so, my mum and dad bought me a car for my 18th birthday (seccond hand, but decent little first car, worth about 4500). Jump to me being 20 at uni, i have a rather wild weekend with friends - paid for by my student loan at the time. I had thought i had another installmeny of student loan to do me to the end of the year but i had misscalculated and was basically down of about 1300 ( my fault totally). I spoke to my dad and explained my stupid mistake and asked if he would mind lending me the money (which i would pay back straight away when my next loan/work wage came in in a couple months time) baring in mind this is the first and only time i had ever asked my very wealthy parents for help (i was paying my own accomodation fees, uni fees and had a student loan for living, they helped with literally nothing). My dad then said that he would sell my car to cover the cost to help me out (baring in mind the car was my birthday presblent from 2 years ago and was worth 4500) he sold my car and gave me 1300.

Aibu to think that this was fcking shit of them to do this? Or perhaps they were trying to teach me a lesson? This happened 5 years ago bow but i still dont understand why, when id never asked for help before, they dont help me financially at all since me being 15 and they are extreamly well off?

I stand corrected then.

Dd has spent all her student loan and has nothing left for the summer. Tried to get a job but nothing going. She's sold some stuff and I've bunged her about £20. I haven't any more to offer her, other than a roof. Plus she didn't manage her money very well in her first year and has learnt from it. Even if I was loaded, I wouldn't be giving her money as that would defeat the point of learning to manage her money better next year.

Let's cut through the bollocks here. DF said he wouldn't hand the OP £1300 because she'd been devistatingly stupid and instead suggested she sold her car, possibly helping her find a buyer. OP then sorted the paperwork of the car (that was in her name) with the buyer, therefore actually selling the car herself due to lack of options.

Now, doesn't that make far more sense than someone handing over in excess of £1300 for a car they'd never seen and were only shown 2 year old pictures of? Or her DF sorting the paperwork without getting the money first and just trusted that this person would pay when they had the car? Or DF telling the buyer to take the car and they'd sort the paperwork and payment later?

Jesus Op you're getting a right going over.First for your spelling and grammar, then having the audacity to make a mistake. How dare you.

Well I would do 2 things,1 cut contact they sound like arseholes.

2 let their money keep the hem warm when they are old and need looking after.

Who the fuck takes back an 18 th birthday present. That is awful.

I hope you he perfect posters on here never put a foot wrong or need a hand with something.

I think your parents were very harsh to sell the car. In their shoes i would have bailed you out as a one off and warned that it wouldn't happen next time. You were young and made a mistake

Reading your post makes me appreciate how kind my parents have been to me, even though they are not rich.

As Judge Judy says, "if something doesn't make sense, it's not true".

I think your parents were unreasonable for not helping you out at uni - they should have paid their contribution.

They don't sound very loving - and you may just have to accept this. Sorry but you can't choose your family.

(Over 1k on a weekend was incredibly reckless though.)

Dawn your daughter's friends chose an interesting thread to ambush and used a very adult turn of phrase didn't they?
Yes, they did. Justify it to you? No.

If blowing £1300 on a wild weekend is the worst thing you did at 20 then you are a very good person (and I hope you had a great time). Best of luck with your masters / baby / - your parents sound mean and now you have a child of your own I guess their behaviour is not one you want to follow (quite rightly) - you can't change them - it's ok to be annoyed but try not to let the bastards grind you down !

In their shoes i would have bailed you out as a one off and warned that it wouldn't happen next time
But we only have the OP's side of the story and as much as I want to believe everything she says, we don't know if this was her parent's final straw or not.

I think they were a bit mean actually. You asked for a loan, not a gift. And this is clearly still bothering you several years down the line. At least you never made the same mistake twice, and you know that every success you have will be of your own making.

But really, 1300 on one weekend? The mind boggles!

Op your Dad was trying to teach you to be self reliant, you know this, and although harsh, he was justified, and the level of depreciation sounds plausible.

Your issue isn't that. The real problem is your lack of emotional support from a mother who is clearly for whatever reason incapable of empathising with you, and is unable to give of herself.

I suspect this might be why you planned a baby despite not being financially secure, it sounds like you were filling a void by building your own little family.

You can't change your inadequate mother, but you can provide all the emotional support and security for your own ds.

It sounds like you are ensuring you will be financially secure in the future, just remember its really not the amount of money you spend on your children that counts. Don't be so keen to build that career that your own child loses out.

As for your mother as others have posted let it go, you'll be happier once you accept the reality that she is unable to fulfill what you need from her. Her loss.

Op I think you have had an unnecessarily hard time on here tonight. For what its worth i dont think yabu.

Yes you spent alot of money while at uni on a weekend. You didnt sacrifice newborn babies but the way some people have reacted you would think you had.

I think your parents sound very mean and tight in all aspects of how they have treated you. I think what your dad did wasn't necessary and I think you probably realised you had made a mistake straight away without being taught a lesson and having your car sold.

Let them have their £300 wallpaper and sad little lives. One day when they are lonely and have no one they will regret pushing you and your child away.

Good luck with your degree and everything else

aye

You are well out of line with some of your comments and the way you've put a negative spin on circumstances we know nothing about in terms of context. What happened to supporting other women in their choices?

OP, I'm in awe of how you are managing everything in your life. It sounds incredibly difficult to do -- I don't think I would cope half as well. And it sounds like you are doing it with remarkably unloving, unsupportive parents. If your DM is an alcoholic, perhaps she can only care about herself at the moment. Whatever, I'm sorry this has happened to you.

As many posters have said, you're not being unreasonable to feel short-changed in the parents you've got, regardless of the rights and wrongs about selling the car. If I were you, I would take that away from this experience and hide the thread, since there are some nasty, judgemental busy-bodies here who are doing nothing but trying to tear you down. It's not worth your time; let it go.

As for gruffalos mum, you are definitely the gruffalo himself.

I think your parents sound really mean but they're not going to change so don't waste your life wishing for something that's never going to happen.
As the saying goes, you may not be able to choose the way they treat you but you can choose how you deal with it.
Good luck in life

OP they are not nice, and are not treating you like many of us would like to treat our children. Yes the wild weekend might have been a lesson to learn, but the rest of it adds up to self absorbed selfish people who don't particularly care for you, or your child. Less chatting on the phone to your narcissist mother- let her sink a few vodkas while looking at her expensive wallpaper instead of talking to you....

Yep, heaven forbid anyone point out that parts of the story make no sense at all.

My skint dad is far less tight than my non skint step dad. Often the rich get richer because they are tight.

How sad really, you haven't asked for anything from your parents.

I would be determined to give the £1300 back (if you have the opportunity) and tell them to shove it where the sun doesn't shine.

You sound like a fab mum btw

OP, you've had a horrible time on here. Your parents sound really bloody mean. My folks are well off - they've never handed out big sums of money or anythnig, but when I was a struggling student they helped me, and they still help me now for big unexpected shit (like daughter's school changing uniflrm completely - £350, or need ing to get support for ASD son that NHS wouldn't supply - £1000).

You were young, you were a twat (I'd still LOVE to know how you spent £1300 in a weekend!) but you didn;t deserve your dad selling your car. Nor did you deserve your parents helping you with nothing from age 15 - seriously, what kind of parents stand by and watch their kids struggle. It took a lot for me to ask my dad to help me with therapy for my son, but when I swallowed my pride and asked, he wrote a cheque without blinking, because he loves me and he loves his grandson and he WANTS TO HELP US! It must be so flipping hurtful to have parents who prioritise decorating a room above their child and grandchild. That's not "teaching you good financial sense", that's just being a cunt.

I'm sorry you've had to deal with this shit.

YANBU

There's no such degree classification as a 1:1 OP. It's just a 1st (as anyone who actually had one would know).

Pedantry aside, you're 27 now not 18. You need to let it go, your parents are no longer obliged to support your lifestyle choices. If you can't afford to study any further it's time to call it a day.

Bloody yell, splitting hairs!!!

Why are so many posters trying to trip OP up on minor things. Not just on this thread either.

What a cow you're being, apple.