Aibu to think that if you buy someone a birthday present...you dont then take it back off them?

[shiteattheseaside]

Ok so this will need some background explanation:

1. My mother and father are very very well off (house over a milion, 2 porches, 3 horses)

1. Even though people may make a judgement of what i am going to say, i am the total opposite of a spoilt brat. ..totally on the contrary i have never asked for anything from them, i have bought everything myself from working at 15 and moving out at 18 to uni with pretty much nil help from them (which admittedly i dont expect but indont understand why they dont offer when they are so well off and im struggling tbh)

Ok so, my mum and dad bought me a car for my 18th birthday (seccond hand, but decent little first car, worth about 4500). Jump to me being 20 at uni, i have a rather wild weekend with friends - paid for by my student loan at the time. I had thought i had another installmeny of student loan to do me to the end of the year but i had misscalculated and was basically down of about 1300 ( my fault totally). I spoke to my dad and explained my stupid mistake and asked if he would mind lending me the money (which i would pay back straight away when my next loan/work wage came in in a couple months time) baring in mind this is the first and only time i had ever asked my very wealthy parents for help (i was paying my own accomodation fees, uni fees and had a student loan for living, they helped with literally nothing). My dad then said that he would sell my car to cover the cost to help me out (baring in mind the car was my birthday presblent from 2 years ago and was worth 4500) he sold my car and gave me 1300.

Aibu to think that this was fcking shit of them to do this? Or perhaps they were trying to teach me a lesson? This happened 5 years ago bow but i still dont understand why, when id never asked for help before, they dont help me financially at all since me being 15 and they are extreamly well off?

Being a parent of a DT (Dear Teenager), I get the reckless spending of money. You did it once, and you've paid for it... several times over - by losing your car and by the effect that it now has on you. FWIW, I think selling the car was wrong, and from a parental point of view, I disagree with what your parents did. However, everyone parents differently.

I'm sorry that you are struggling; I think there is a fine line between making your kids stand on their own two feet, and blatantly not supporting them, and your parents have chosen the latter.

Good on you for getting the qualifications so far, and for what you plan to do. You sound very bright and resilient - if not the worlds best speller

I feel, however, that there is more to it than what you are saying... I can't understand why they would go on holiday and park you with relatives which you mentioned upthread. It seems a totally bizarre parent/ child relationship.

Shakirawannabe I doubt the Op will inherit anything. These type of people don't consider sons and daughters capable of looking after their money so it will probably go to charity.

Gruffallo I have bought several cars I have only seen a picture and description of on line. Latest car cost a damn site more than £1300. Its called Ebay.

I have actually met people like the ops parents before. Dp and I call them "box tickers"
Its like they have a mental list of what they want to achieve. One woman we know actually has a written down list.

1. Get 8 GCSEs TICK
2. Get 3 A levels TICK

3 Get a degree. TICK

1. Get a career. TICK
2. Get married. TICK

6 get pregnant. TICK 7 return to career. TICK This person after her divorce got a job in another country and left her DD aged 4 in the care of 2 live in nannies. I grew up with a mean dm. She was on the sick and managed to amass a small fortune by just not spending anything. She would write down everything that she spent on me. (One year it was 9d or about 4p. I had either been in care or being looked after by relatives. The 9d was a birthday card) I would occasionally be given a birthday present only for her to then give it away to various workmen who had children who came to do any work on the house. It made her look generous. During one winter all my clothes were destroyed and a friend from school gave me an outfit to wear. I wore that outfit everyday for 21 months until I got a job. I moved out virtually immediately as she wanted to charge me £25 per week and pay half the food bill, (She had moved my aunt and her children into our house. They were living FOC just went halves with the shopping bill with dm) Total take home pay was £80 per month. Rented a flat with my friend for £25 per month +bills and went on a shopping spree each month. We lived in a huge house worth yet I knew from very early on I would not see a penny. As i was considered too stupid to look after her "wealth". What made it doubly hard was that I could never go out with my friends as I had no money but they would take one look at the house and think I was joking.

So yes I do understand what you are going through op. Unless you've lived with someone like that you won't be able to get your head round it.
When you come to terms with not expecting anything from them life gets much better.

I feel, however, that there is more to it than what you are saying... I can't understand why they would go on holiday and park you with relatives which you mentioned upthread. It seems a totally bizarre parent/ child relationship.

I know people who have done this,they are just miserly with their time,money and love.I wouldnt be bothered with them.
At least you can look back wiht pride,whatever you have got/done will be all off your own back.You should be very proud of yourself op.

If you're 27, how did you get an A in your English Lit A Level? If you sat your exams when you were 18, that would be nine years ago, so 2007, but the A grade at A level wasn't introduced until 2010

OP. I believe you.

You need, IMO, to break or reduce contact with your parents. They do not love you as a child should be loved and it is damaging. The amounts are not relevant and it is their vast seeming amount that has derailed some posters, as they can't fathom it.

You have done incredibly well. If i were you, i would back away from them and try to focus on your new family.

YANBU at all.

Poetic licence, Stella...

Stella my year was the year they introduced it. I think they then stopped it again for a year and then re introduced it permanently? I cant remember

Poetic licence indeed. We're being told only the bits that make the OP look upstanding and the parents look unloving, plus a few embellishments to help the story along. When a story is so very obviously doctored to fit the OP's opinion, it's quite foolish to tar and feather her parents.

It was introduced in 2010 OP I got full marks in Biology and Physics and still got an A and I done my alevels in 2008

Admitting to not having RTWT but on two separate points I think a) TWBU not to offer support through your studies but b) £1300 in a weekend is a hell of a financial fuck up and as a parent I would have told you to sell your car. My eldest DD spent her first loan on crap after 'forgetting' to pay for her halls accomodation. She was made to pay me back every penny plus interest as I'd had to put it on my credit card. (Ironically she's an accountant now)
FWIW I think your parents overall sound harsh and you sound like you feel unloved.

Anyway OP, some posters believe your whole story and think your parents are awful, which is what you were pushing for.

Those posters mostly think you should cut them off and go NC with them. Maybe that's what you should do if you feel they add nothing to your life and never have.

Oliver, I did think of eBay. But generally the payment is done on collection, barring possibly a deposit in advance. Which doesn't fit the story either. And, again, the far and the paperwork were apparently at opposite ends of the country.

*car

As i said before i am not giving you the exact year and exact details of my life as i am trying to stay anonymous....have already told you i may have rounded 7 years to 5 , if you are intent on trying to make me look bad or feel worse then fine, i know im telling the truth and that i could quite easily post a photo on here of my academic achievements to prove you wrong, but even if i did that i dare say you will find some other flaw in my story. I could also re-tell the story with every minuite detail, going over my academic transcripts from fucking years ago to give you the exact details, but im not going to...because that is absurd. As is your determination to some how prove me wrong? You must have a sad little life from getting enjoyment from trying to act smug about feeling better than a stranger on the Internet.

Also if you dont beleive me or care, why are you still on here posting, kindly leave, no ones making you stay...

No one is going to guess who you are by saying your academic achievements and the year your received them :s I think you telling people about your parents £300 wallpaper and mums new Range Rover is more outing than your academic achievements I don't even think my parents know my grades :s

Anyway it's besides the point your not ever going to get over this and it appears you have little to no relationship with your parents whilst that's sad you're probably better off without them!

Rich people are/stay rich because they don't give their money away. I think spending £1300 on a weekend was friviolous so fully understand your dads solution.

This kind of thread seems to bring the most resentful and sanctimonious posters out

This, I honestly find some posters a bit sad and pathetic with their snidey comments.

....and DawnDonna. really? I mean really ??

OP, they sound tight although, I suppose, they sold the car to teach you a lesson. I wouldn't be surprised if they still think they did the right thing. I would t be surprised if they are congratulating themselves on how their 'tightness' has made you so hard working and independent.

I don't think there is much you can or should do. Build up your own life and family and enjoy yourself. Don't expect your parents to ever change.

We are well off and nothing gives me more pleasure than helping my DC out. They are adults but I'll continue to help them. (But don't worry MN they aren't the tiniest bit 'entitled.)

What has DawnDonna done? I'm so confused did I miss something?

Not sure how car buying cars on eBay works but OP stated it was Auto Trader, and I have bought and sold many cars privately. So there are 2 possible scenarios, bearing in mind the distance halfway across the country, say Luton to Leeds. Punter sees car in advert, phones dad in Luton who tells him where car is kept. Punter pays undisclosed sum of money to dad, gets registration document stating dad in Luton is registered keeper and is told to pick up car, as yet unseen, at address in Leeds. Punter is happy to travel to Leeds, presumably on public transport to pick up car. Alternatively, punter lives near op in Leeds, money transferred through bank, documents by post, but punter still doesn't bother to test drive car, just turns up at op's house with documents. How trusting is he? No conversation takes place between op and punter, so she has no idea what was paid.

Op, your posts are full of personal details which, if true, could identify you. Architecture is a male dominated degree; not many students leave after 2 years to pursue something related to health care; A level English Literature is not a particularly common entry qualification for architecture. I hardly think being cagey about the year is going to protect your anonymity!

Your parents sound incredibly unsupportive OP.

I'm sorry that they haven't been more generous to you... they don't have to spoon feed and make you into a spoilt brat but they seem the opposite.

You've done well to not be bitter. I would be, I think.

CecilyP. I imagine that the OP has tweaked all the details. It's what I do. I think you would be silly not to. As long as the basic dilemma is completely honest then it doesn't make any difference if the degree was architecture or something else.

Lots and lots of people muddle details - it is often suggested as a way of making posts less identifiable.

Personally I find the behaviour of OP's parents bizarre. When I had just started work I felt pressured to go on holiday with a friend. I couldn't afford it at all but as the only working person in the group I paid everything. I came home up to my eyes in debt with hand delivered final demand notices behind the door.

I had £10 to do me 3 weeks until pay day and couldn't eat I was so panic struck.

Despite my parents being absolutely hand to mouth poor themselves my mum still thrust a tenner into my hand as they left from a visit. They will have needed that and it will have meant they did without but as a parent my mum just did want to help.

With this experience I can't understand at all the behaviour of op's mum and dad.

Op's issues are not about benevolent parents trying to teach financial management but rather complete emotional detachment of her parents and the increasing bitterness of op. In my opinion obviously.

The comments about OP being entitled and stop being resentful about her parents wealth are bizarre. I think she is the least entitled person.

This OP appeared not to even have her basic needs met as a child, no love, dumped on relatives whilst parents swanned off, clothes that barely fitted her.

Everything she has achieved has been on her own and what bloody good job she has done!