Aibu to think that if you buy someone a birthday present...you dont then take it back off them?

[shiteattheseaside]

Ok so this will need some background explanation:

1. My mother and father are very very well off (house over a milion, 2 porches, 3 horses)

1. Even though people may make a judgement of what i am going to say, i am the total opposite of a spoilt brat. ..totally on the contrary i have never asked for anything from them, i have bought everything myself from working at 15 and moving out at 18 to uni with pretty much nil help from them (which admittedly i dont expect but indont understand why they dont offer when they are so well off and im struggling tbh)

Ok so, my mum and dad bought me a car for my 18th birthday (seccond hand, but decent little first car, worth about 4500). Jump to me being 20 at uni, i have a rather wild weekend with friends - paid for by my student loan at the time. I had thought i had another installmeny of student loan to do me to the end of the year but i had misscalculated and was basically down of about 1300 ( my fault totally). I spoke to my dad and explained my stupid mistake and asked if he would mind lending me the money (which i would pay back straight away when my next loan/work wage came in in a couple months time) baring in mind this is the first and only time i had ever asked my very wealthy parents for help (i was paying my own accomodation fees, uni fees and had a student loan for living, they helped with literally nothing). My dad then said that he would sell my car to cover the cost to help me out (baring in mind the car was my birthday presblent from 2 years ago and was worth 4500) he sold my car and gave me 1300.

Aibu to think that this was fcking shit of them to do this? Or perhaps they were trying to teach me a lesson? This happened 5 years ago bow but i still dont understand why, when id never asked for help before, they dont help me financially at all since me being 15 and they are extreamly well off?

Think it sounds a bit me esp as you were asking for a loan. I think they should also be helping you out a bit on a general basis, parents who are way less off then them send their children money at uni. I don't think you're being unreasonable.

*mean, not me

So you made a very silly mistake. You won't be the first or last. The way your parents treated you is incredibly wrong and selfish. You are so right to go with your gut and never ask for money from them again. It would also be prudent to sway the conversation away from money whenever you can. They sound incredibly narcissistic and selfish. Unfortunately you have suffered greatly from their emotional abuse. However, because you have recognised the abuse, you are unlikely to repeat the cycle.

You sound like you love your toddler very much and will be there for him/her in a way your parents were never able to be there for you. You sound strong and able and the values and love you can give to your child is worth more than any money.

Although I would never discuss their treatment of you with them, I would definitely comment on the presents they give your child or any inappropriate behaviour toward him/her. Not because there is anything wrong with charity shop purchases but because it sounds as though they are doing it to make a statement and it is incredibly sad they don't value your child. You are the parent now and if they don't act in an appropriate manner, you would be within your rights to tell them they don't get to see your child.

I have a similar family dynamic and this is how I have handled mine. Things will only change when you decide that you are their equal and that they need to but out and move over. The next generation is in town.

Have you looked at other big "gifts" your parents have given you. Were they yours to do with as you please or were there strings attached. Or did they do with them as they pleased once they had been unwrapped. My dm would give me toys and games for birthdays and Xmas but would give them away to various people for their children just to make her look good and kind.

wonkydonkey44 - I asume you are being careful about the mortgage overpayments so that if your DF dies part of your house won't be considered as part of his estate/you won't need to pay tax on everything he has given you within the past seven years?

Shiteattheseaside..I'm baffled why there are posts on here being really mean and I'm sorry for that- as mums we are supposed to support, show compassion and care to each other. Yes of course say your opinion.. Be honest but always nice. I've read a few more of your posts, and it does sound like you have experienced quite a harsh childhood, with not a lot of emotional warmth and a lot of emotional neglect. In the mix with your mum's drinking it can have a huge impact on you- as it is having. I see how having ur baby now hits home harder because of now being a parent u begin to see more of the extreme lengths parents feel/ will go though for their children, or lack of it in your parent's case. You need for you own well being to get some counselling/therapy to help you get past this and let it go so you can feel peaceful. Feel pity for your parents.. Money is a poor companion as oppose to feeling loved and happy in your family/close friends. come on mums.. Please can we try to be supportive?? We all make mistakes and we all at times get things wrong.. Can we forget the kangaroo court and think about bring more constructive in offering support?

as mums we are supposed to support, show compassion and care to each other.

I get your point but you do know that a lot of the posters on this site aren't mums (some are even men) - are they immune from this high standard?

Legally if you get a gift you are the rightful owner, regardless of who's name is on the V5C.
answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20130922070050AAxm93v

No livia. They're not.

superwoman Nice post. I have glanced through this thread and felt really embarrassed for all these women, non-parents and dads ahem who think it's funny and clever to be such dicks. It's just not funny anymore...a pack of bitches who think they're clever.