Aibu to think that if you buy someone a birthday present...you dont then take it back off them?

[shiteattheseaside]

Ok so this will need some background explanation:

1. My mother and father are very very well off (house over a milion, 2 porches, 3 horses)

1. Even though people may make a judgement of what i am going to say, i am the total opposite of a spoilt brat. ..totally on the contrary i have never asked for anything from them, i have bought everything myself from working at 15 and moving out at 18 to uni with pretty much nil help from them (which admittedly i dont expect but indont understand why they dont offer when they are so well off and im struggling tbh)

Ok so, my mum and dad bought me a car for my 18th birthday (seccond hand, but decent little first car, worth about 4500). Jump to me being 20 at uni, i have a rather wild weekend with friends - paid for by my student loan at the time. I had thought i had another installmeny of student loan to do me to the end of the year but i had misscalculated and was basically down of about 1300 ( my fault totally). I spoke to my dad and explained my stupid mistake and asked if he would mind lending me the money (which i would pay back straight away when my next loan/work wage came in in a couple months time) baring in mind this is the first and only time i had ever asked my very wealthy parents for help (i was paying my own accomodation fees, uni fees and had a student loan for living, they helped with literally nothing). My dad then said that he would sell my car to cover the cost to help me out (baring in mind the car was my birthday presblent from 2 years ago and was worth 4500) he sold my car and gave me 1300.

Aibu to think that this was fcking shit of them to do this? Or perhaps they were trying to teach me a lesson? This happened 5 years ago bow but i still dont understand why, when id never asked for help before, they dont help me financially at all since me being 15 and they are extreamly well off?

Expat- i was 20 when this happened, im now 27. If you really want me to spell every minute detail out to you so you dont think im a fraud rolls eyes

At 18 i left for uni, 2 years into uni (doing architecture) my dad sold my car (i am 20 at this point) at this point i also change my course and finish this course at age 24. I meet partner, have child and have year out. I then work for a year. Now at age 27 i go back to uni to do a masters in another feild. My spelling is crap and has been all my life, it hasnt stopped me. Also i am writing on a forum from my phone...not writing for uni, which i obviously take my time and effort for.

Unlike most posters on here, I actually think your parents were twats. From what you said you had not relied on them before and instead earned your own money and paid your own way. RE the £1,300, you were younger and we have all made mistakes so I don't actually think it justified what they did. YANBU

I don't get in what sense your parents took the car back off you. They sold it and gave you the proceeds surely? Or do you think they kept some of the money back for themselves? It would have been wrong for them to do that (especially without telling you) but isn't it more likely that your dad just got a crap price because he wanted a quick sale because you needed the money right away?

In those circs personally I would have loaned my kid the money (paying back instalments would still teach a lesson imo) but I can get why they wouldn't want to.

I'm trying my very best, but I really can't swallow this story. Nobody who had been so cash-deprived for so many years would blow so much money in one fell swoop. And nobody could tax, insure and MoT a car for 5 years without knowing it wasn't in their name - or get through a pregnancy and birth without some financial injection from somewhere.
I may be wrong, and some of it might be true, but there's an awful lot missing from this tale.

Indeed there is tidy. I imagine that's why very few questions are being answered.

Drusilla
I really don't give a shit what you think. I stated what happened. I apologised for allowing it to happen. Go find a fight elsewhere, I have better things to do.

You can beleive what you want but this is my life and it did happen, yes i made a stupid mistake when i was in my 20s and felt for the first time i had money that was mine to spend and i spent it on having a good time, which in hind sight was really stupid.

My dad put the car in his name and sorted the insurance and tax, i just paid the bill. I never questioned it because he was my dad and i knew nothing about cars. I also do actually think he got more than 1300 for it tbh.

And they are cash rich. My mum told me the other day she spent 300 quid on wall paper for 1 wall in a room they dont use for a house they are thinkijg of selling.

Yes i supose i am a bit resentful. I think i am because my mum met my dad when she was young and has never worked a day in her life, my dad has bought her anything and everything she has ever wanted, recently, i kid you not, a brand new rolex. She doesnt understand anything about bills or money as my dad handles everything. So i guess that annoys me.

I think you are a credit to them to be so self sufficient. Reminds me a bit of Loreli Gilmore.

It was a bit harsh for them to do that, especially as it was a loan you were asking for and not a gift.

I can see why it bugs you even now but what is done is done. You can't change the past x

Fwiw op I think you're getting a really hard time here! It sounds like your parents have been horrible to you and you've been very self sufficient for a long time. I can't believe the responses you're getting here.

my dad has bought her anything and everything she has ever wanted
You sound like you are jealous of your parents relationship.

They are mean buggers , I'd tell them to shove their money. No way I'd treat my kids like that

Now that I understand what happened I do wholeheartedly apologise. It was so confusing... I thought you were a 20 year old (at the time of the post) who has a child and blew 1.3k on a weekend. Now I know thats not the case yes I did prejudge you and I'm sorry as you clearly came here to get some advice.

It seems to me like your parents never wanted to be parents and unfortunately there are people like that in life. I think there are a lot issues that you need to deal with as your parents just won't understand how it has affected you. Perhaps a counsellor? Its quite amazing how these issues affect us as we grow up and deal with life. Unfortunately your parents don't belong on my list of parents of the year but I think it was smart to stop their 20 year old daughter from repeating the mistake of blowing out 1.2k. From everything you said, now that I've processed all the information, you are responsible and a good person who did make a foolish mistake.

I think it might be hard to hear from a stranger but its probably a good idea that you go Lorelai Gilmore/Rachel Green on your parents not that they are offering you money but the gist still stands. If you are 27 and about to do a masters just remember that you can stand on your own two feet and be the amazing parent that you never had.

I did have a friend whose parents were cold and distant to their daughter but it was because they also had a stillbirth when she was young and never dealt with it. At the age of 24, she had a major blowout and finally her mother admitted it.

I don't recommend this but emotionally distant people are just too difficult to read. Sometimes people do get stuck in their own world that they forget what life's all about.

squidgy! another gilmore girls referrer

I know where you're coming from OP. Unfortunately some people just like being devil's advocate on here.

I do however, think this goes way deeper than selling a car. (Which imo, wasn't theirs to sell if it was clearly a gift!)

I obviously don't know you but this whole relationship with your parents doesn't sound entirely healthy.
Apologies if I'm way off the mark.

They sound like poor parents. That has nothing to do with money.

Imo their actions re the car were reasonable.

Did your dad tell you he was selling the car? Or did he just do it then give you the £1300?

OP have they ever brought anything for the baby? Offered a cot or pram? Visit to see you both?

How can any parent stand by and watch their child live off £50'for the next 2 weeks then tell you they've just purchased £300 wallpaper??

I'd be annoyed as well !!

Slating your mum for not working when you've wandered from course to course and only done a year yourself is a little rich.

I would have told you to sell the cat to cover your loss, it was student finance to live on not blow on a weekend away. You were very reckless, not your parents. You could have got a job and covered it that way.

Poor cat!!

I think your parents have done a good job of teaching you the value of money. I´m sure you were angry about it about the time, but they taught you that your actions have consequences. I bet you haven´t made that kind of mistake again.

You are 27 years old now. You´re grown up and independent. You should be making your own way in the world and earning your own money. Whatever your parents should or shouldn´t have done in the past to support you is now irrelevant. Adult children can pay for themselves and parents can enjoy the money that they earned spending it on whatever they like.

I've got to ask re the student loan. Did you not sit down in the Aug and look at what you would be given throughout the year. See exactly when those 3 instalments would be made and look at what you would have in total and what you would need to spend that on from the beginning of one term until the next?
You do know that's what students do?

I'm struggling to understand how you could have grown up so acutely aware of having no money yet as soon as you're finally given your own money to manage you treat it as if it grew on the tree. DH and I both grew up in poverty. We were both very very aware of where every penny was going each year even if some of it was going on shit like beer and glow sticks.

But why are you fretting about this now? And I think Dawn got an unnecessarily hard time for questioning your spelling as a graduate student. Predictive text tends to spell things correctly.

You started one degree and switched to another - your choice. You have had a baby - your choice. You have started your next degree - your choice. You blew £1,300 in a weekend years ago - your choice. You have the educational background to go out and get a job, so you really can't complain that you & your partner only have £50 available, when you have decided to do another degree course. Stop brooding about a perceived injustice from over 5 years ago and stand on your own two feet again, as you say you have since the age of 15.