Aibu to think that if you buy someone a birthday present...you dont then take it back off them?

[shiteattheseaside]

Ok so this will need some background explanation:

1. My mother and father are very very well off (house over a milion, 2 porches, 3 horses)

1. Even though people may make a judgement of what i am going to say, i am the total opposite of a spoilt brat. ..totally on the contrary i have never asked for anything from them, i have bought everything myself from working at 15 and moving out at 18 to uni with pretty much nil help from them (which admittedly i dont expect but indont understand why they dont offer when they are so well off and im struggling tbh)

Ok so, my mum and dad bought me a car for my 18th birthday (seccond hand, but decent little first car, worth about 4500). Jump to me being 20 at uni, i have a rather wild weekend with friends - paid for by my student loan at the time. I had thought i had another installmeny of student loan to do me to the end of the year but i had misscalculated and was basically down of about 1300 ( my fault totally). I spoke to my dad and explained my stupid mistake and asked if he would mind lending me the money (which i would pay back straight away when my next loan/work wage came in in a couple months time) baring in mind this is the first and only time i had ever asked my very wealthy parents for help (i was paying my own accomodation fees, uni fees and had a student loan for living, they helped with literally nothing). My dad then said that he would sell my car to cover the cost to help me out (baring in mind the car was my birthday presblent from 2 years ago and was worth 4500) he sold my car and gave me 1300.

Aibu to think that this was fcking shit of them to do this? Or perhaps they were trying to teach me a lesson? This happened 5 years ago bow but i still dont understand why, when id never asked for help before, they dont help me financially at all since me being 15 and they are extreamly well off?

At least you will inherit it all

Spending £1300 of loan money on a weekend away is reckless, but the kind of mistake many of us might make at some point in our lives. However, sounds like your parents were trying to teach you the value of money (albeit in quite a harsh way!). I assume you have never been so reckless since? So it worked!
Imagine 20 years in the future if your DC does the same. What would you do?
To still feel like this 5 years later is sad - I really think you should chat to your parents about it and clear the air

Dragons- ive not wanted course to course. I started one course, changed then completed in with a 1:1 , i am going back to get a masters in adition. I will have 2 degrees under my belt before 30. I have actually been working along side uni since i started, so since i was 15 until now i have never been out of work, but well done with the blanket judgment there

Honestly I'm amazed your parents would do that. I had a comfortable upbringing (not in OP's league though) and my parents have always helped me when they could. I haven't grown up entitled or spoilt but I am grateful and know how lucky I am to have a generous family. I hope we can we do the same for ds.

codyking- thats what im a little miffed about. the fact that in a phone conversation she will say 'so how are you doing?' and i reply ' oh you know, its been hard this month etc, only got 50 quid blah blah' and she will just reply with ' hmm yeah....oh btw the decorating is coming on nicley, only 300 quid for the wall paper' and im just like...oh ok.

i did have a job, hence why i asked my dad for a loan of money and didnt say give me it now please, (i would have had probably enough to just scrap by working 2 days a week when not at uni on minimum wage but probably not really enough tbh) but he just went and sold my car without telling me, from the otherside of the country and was like 'oh btw someones coming to collect the car next tuesday, ive sold it to cover your 'request'

Did they help with Baby?

'oh btw someones coming to collect the car next tuesday, ive sold it to cover your 'request'

Now I know you're embellishing. Your DF had all the paperwork, yes? So someone bought the car from him without seeing it then drove what seems like a considerable distance to collect it?

and, sigh, i know im an adult and its my responcibility to fund myself in my life choices.... but honestly, do you know how hard it is to be in uni 5 days a week (some are placements in a hospital so like working 8+ hour shifts as well as full time lectures), work 3 days a week and have a one year old who doesnt sleep? i dont get any help from 'bank of mum and dad' i only get child benefit, that everyone with kids gets, i dont get any other help or benefits or anything. we dont fritter away money on anything uneccessary, we have rent and core bills and after that we arnt left with much at all, what we do have left gets spend on food or petrol (and i would sell my current car but i need it to get to placements, some of which cannot be accessed by a bus or would take an age to drop my son off at childcare then get another bus to town then another to a placement)

My own take on this is that regardless of the fact that the OP blew the money, the car should not have been taken and sold.

It was a gift. Only it wasn't because it wasn't in the OP's name.

And the OP's posts indicate that her loans and maintenance were assessed on her parents income and consequently lower. Yet they never gave her the money they were supposed to, to live on.

Seems they've never really given OP anything, bar food and clothes, as having taken the car that can't really count now. Having exotic holidays that didn't include the OP, expensive cars, etc.

So I don't really feel inclined to join in the chorus "Well they did the right thing to teach you a lesson". They sound incredibly mean, especially now, when they know the OP is struggling and still don't offer to help.

I'm not saying they have to just dish out money all the time, but I get the impression they simply don't give a fuck about the OP at all, and probably never did.

gruffalo- he had paperwork, he lives at other end of country. he sold it via autotrader to someone and no they didnt come and see it. my dad had the photos and info from when he bought it as he had got it from an auction. i guess it was someone who was near me rather than near him that bought it, i didnt really ask, i was just a bit gobsmacked but went along with it and didnt say anything as i knew it was my fault in the first place

raspberry- thankyou as that is exactly how i feel.

Awful lot of money to pay for a car you've never seen assuming in good faith that it's in as good a condition as it was two years previously.

OP: My dad then said that he would sell my car to cover the cost to help me out
and post at 19:52
but he just went and sold my car without telling me, from the otherside of the country and was like 'oh btw someones coming to collect the car next tuesday, ive sold it to cover your 'request'
Don't equate.

I'm inclined to agree with Raspberry.

my mum also recently put a post on facebook saying 'aww i dont want a new car boohoo' as my dad thought she needed a new car, and that he might buy her a rangerover and when people were commenting saying er you dont need a new car or well dont get one then she was writing things like 'i like my porsche perfectly fine but (shites dad) thinks i need a new range for my horse box tutut'

this is what she posted after being on the phone to me when i was saying its shite how for somereason i dont qualify for tax credits.

im sorry but yeah, i do feel fucking annoyed

This kind of thread seems to bring the most resentful and sanctimonious posters out, it reminds me if all the babysitting threads where there are lots of cries of "your mum babysat once in two years! Think yourself lucky, my parents haven't babysat once in twenty years, how entitled are you" etc

As it happens op I think yanbu, based on the facts you give us. They have money, you are in a far better position to judge than us so if you say they are cash rich I will take your word for it. So that makes them tight. I would prefer my kids to make one expensive mistake than regular mistakes they don't learn from. Why didn't they lend you the money, on the condition that if you missed a payment they take back the car? They sound mean and absolutely should have been funding you through uni.

witchend- sorry if im not explaining properly - hard to do when people are asking me details etc, i told him i needed a loan of money, he asked why and was cross but said il see if we can help you out and il get back to you. a few days later or so he phoned back to say ok we are selling your car to cover to cost, the person is coming at xyz time to collect it' - ok so he told me, but it was after he had done it and arranged it

The car will have depreciated quite a lot over those two years. You don't seem to realise that. Maybe that was the value of the car then. Blowing that amount of money wS pretty ridiculous seeing as you didn't have a proper idea of your finances.

Right I'm so confused how did it happen 5 years ago but your 27 now and it happened when you was 20?

I understand you feel like you've had a bad upbringing OP and maybe your dad should have punished you a different way, although I'm not too sure how but I think it's toxic to keep a grudge for so long over a car when you was silly enough to spend that much money on a night out- I don't get why you should have been bailed out at all because you say you thought it was your loan but how was you going to replace that money regardless?

and r.e: baby etc, they have been and visited a few times, and bought him a few things (from charity shops - please dont bash me for saying this as i love charity shops and use them regularly...but even my partners parents commented and saying why are they only buying 1 or 2 things out of a charity shop when we are skint and spending all our money on our grandson - ok maybe this was out of line for them to say this but...its true! my partners parents and mine dont get on very well for this reason as they think they dont care about me or help us out where as even though they are skint they would give you the shirt off their back if they could)

Selling the car was fine but keeping the rest was wrong.

You were an adult (who fucked up) and it was your car

when i say five years, i was saying it as though 5 years or so, i only put specifics when people started calling me out...trying to keep anonymity here..probably failing...

I know it was 5 years ago - but doesn't becoming a parent make you look at your own parents?

You know appreciate what they did/sacrificed give you a loving home?

We were poor single parent (dad buffered off and never paid a penny)

We had nothing but laughter and each other

Mom would have given us her last penny if she had one - still would now if we needed her

We are equally independent and all earn to pay our own way - but that's with knowing we have support even in the back ground - OP doesn't have that!

ok yes i know cars value depreciates, but it was seccond hand when he bought it at 4500 and it was in brilliant nick, was like new and i looked after it very well, i think he would have got more than 1300 for it. i may be wrong as i never asked him how much he got for it for obvious reasons.

Oh and if post on FB - any ideas how to make £50 last till pay day?

And post the kids clothes

Thanks mom and dad!! So thoughtful!