Aibu to think that if you buy someone a birthday present...you dont then take it back off them?

[shiteattheseaside]

Ok so this will need some background explanation:

1. My mother and father are very very well off (house over a milion, 2 porches, 3 horses)

1. Even though people may make a judgement of what i am going to say, i am the total opposite of a spoilt brat. ..totally on the contrary i have never asked for anything from them, i have bought everything myself from working at 15 and moving out at 18 to uni with pretty much nil help from them (which admittedly i dont expect but indont understand why they dont offer when they are so well off and im struggling tbh)

Ok so, my mum and dad bought me a car for my 18th birthday (seccond hand, but decent little first car, worth about 4500). Jump to me being 20 at uni, i have a rather wild weekend with friends - paid for by my student loan at the time. I had thought i had another installmeny of student loan to do me to the end of the year but i had misscalculated and was basically down of about 1300 ( my fault totally). I spoke to my dad and explained my stupid mistake and asked if he would mind lending me the money (which i would pay back straight away when my next loan/work wage came in in a couple months time) baring in mind this is the first and only time i had ever asked my very wealthy parents for help (i was paying my own accomodation fees, uni fees and had a student loan for living, they helped with literally nothing). My dad then said that he would sell my car to cover the cost to help me out (baring in mind the car was my birthday presblent from 2 years ago and was worth 4500) he sold my car and gave me 1300.

Aibu to think that this was fcking shit of them to do this? Or perhaps they were trying to teach me a lesson? This happened 5 years ago bow but i still dont understand why, when id never asked for help before, they dont help me financially at all since me being 15 and they are extreamly well off?

'ut have 50 quid to do me 2 weeks (now im living on my own in flat with 1 year old and going to uni for my seccond degree and masters...not out partying!'

You are 20, but you already have one degree (yet you only moved out at 18 to go to uni), got funding to do a second bachelor's degree and a masters, have a 1-year-old child and blow £1300 in a weekend with friends, your folks are millionaires but you can't use grammar or punctuation for toffee.

I'm Melinda Gates, too.

When do the schools go back in England again?

Maybe OPs dad was trying to teach her a lesson but the one she learnt was don't expect any help from her parents and don't assume a gift really is a gift if it can be taken back.

An equally valuable lesson would have been as OP suggested - a loan and an agreed payment plan - would have taught her the value of money. What her parents have done is breed resentment when she asked for help.

I also assume the car was in your fathers name due to cheaper insurance on his name? This is an anonymous forum so need to rebut me on it.

expat if you read the thread properly you would see that she said she was 20 5 years ago

I might have missed something but how did you qualify for student finance with your parents being so well off?

Have you looked online to see how much your car would be worth now? Baring in mind it was second hand when you got it and it was 2 years ago

I mean this in the nicest way OP. I agree you're not spoiled. And it sounds like your parents have been careful to make sure of that. But it sounds like you want to be spoiled and resent that your parents had the means to spoil you but didn't.

As others have said, there are people who have a far harder time of things while genuinely not expecting someone to jump in and help. I spent ages saving £500 for my first car, you were handed a £4500 car. We're roughly the same age and even now I can't imagine having a car that expensive. And I don't resent the fact that DM doesn't start offering me cash if I mention that things are tight. After all these years I live within my budget.

Our circumstances are similar money wise but I don't resent the lack of help. Maybe the difference is that my family often didn't actually have the means to help, in which case it might be helpful to you to think of your parents' money as though it's tied up in things that they can't easily access on a whim.

Sorry just seen you said you was 20 some time ago but regardless the car would not have been worth the same as when you initially got it

It is a shitty thing to do OP, a gift is supposed to be given unconditionally.

This is the reason wealthy people stay wealthy though. I have wealthy people in the family (some considerably so), and they part with NOTHING!

They will quibble over a £1 if needed.

So therefore, they STAY wealthy.

I go in the supermarket and behave like rothschild, hence I am poor

Look forward to your life now, and remember what must have been some weekend.

Out of interest, are you an only child? Not that it really makes a difference, but if not, are your parents the same with all their children?

Also what Gruffalo said, your parents maybe asset rich and cash poor.

'expat if you read the thread properly you would see that she said she was 20 5 years ago'

It's so full of holes and mistakes I couldn't make much sense of it, tbh. I'm out. This just smacks of utter bollocks.

I think he wanted to teach you a lesson, as £1300 in a weekend is completely obscene. Had he handed you the cash, you'd probably have done it again.

Seems it worked as you haven't been so stupid since.

Job done, well done dad.

I didn't blink twice at two porches. I thought it was a really big double fronted house. Gullible

I think your parents are tight OP. Sort of thing DH's dad would do.
I agree that they shouldn't just throw money at you when you want or need it but I can't imagine being really well-off but watching my children struggle. Seems odd to me

student finance installments have been 3 times a year since at least the last 1990s. sept/jan/may roughly. even if you'd thought you had another one coming, you must have been aware there wasn't going to be another for about 3 months. what the hell were you expecting to live on in the meantime?!

I think your parents are tight, but you are also to blame for being so stupid. no student can afford £1300 in one weekend!

To be honest I think it's more than a bit tight. If you had been a lazy ass, if you had sponged off them all your life, if you expected them to bail you out it would be a lesson learnt.

However, since you seem to be doing the rut things most of the time, and it was a loan, I think it was tight - if true, with no back story.

I do wonder though, if you were so self reliant, and presumably come from a privileged background credit wise, why you didn't get a student overdraft/bank loan rather than relinquish your car?

if you expected them to bail you out it would be a lesson learnt

I agree with your points on the whole but RE the above...what student blows £1300 in a weekend thinking they can afford it? It seems to me like she's done it while thinking "it's not like my parents would just let me starve". In her DF's position I'd probably do the same as he did because she had expected a bail out. Giving the money back on the next loan payment just delays when she'd be skint.

Are you sure they are actually wealthy OP and not just giving the impression of it? An amazing number of people I know have the trappings of wealth but in reality own fuck bugger all and if they lost their jobs the lot would be taken back off them in a week. There's a lot can be done with smoke and mirrors! A very good friend I have known almost all my life on her DFathers death realised it was all an illusion and me and my lot from the projects are better off in real terms ;)

OP what has prompted you to have a rant about this now?

Spice22 as was yours...

The op spent a ridiculous amount of money on a single weekend...which put her in debt...5 years a go. We both made the same point of speaking to her parents to get a sort of closure of her/their actions.

I don't think I can judge tbh. My DPs gave me a tenner for my 18th, not even a card. And I know they would never lend me money so I would never ask. So if I was suddenly transplanted into your shoes, I'd be very happy!

Be grateful for what you do have, and let go of your grudges. The point is, they helped you when you needed it, and it seems taught you a valuable lesson about responsibility into the process.

I'm not sure how you can spend £1300 in a weekend without realising you're going to extreme excess. I'm sure at some point the thought "bank of mum and dad will sort it" must have passed through your mind, so I think he was very wise making you pay for it.

But on the car, having had a quick glance at car prices then it looks like assuming the car was not too old than the price could well go down from around £4500 to around £2000 in a couple of years. But here's the rub. That would be the cost if you bought it. If he's sold it to a trader then you wouldn't get £2000. You'd get say £1500.
If you car was on the newer side it could go down even more. So it's possible that rather than being the mean person who didn't give you the full price, he's actually topped it up.

Dawndonnaagain

I find it hard to believe, sorry, but that level of spelling and grammar and you went to uni?
I rarely comment with regard to such things as I have a dyslexic dd, but this isn't so.

Lets hope that people are a little more tolerant of your DD's dyslexia than you have been to the Op then.

Now it's a silly friend of theirs? Wow. Not the sort of thing a kid would put though.

You're not spoiled but I agree you sound resentful about it. I think you will be thankful in the long run when you have learned to budget rather than get bailed out by mummy and daddy when you need it.
I wouldn't call a £4500 car for your 18th not helping you out at all either. I got £200 for my 18th and was delighted! I don't see it as taking a present back. You hugely overspent so had to sell your car. I'm sure you'll be more careful in future.

I have nothing to add other than that I love KingJoff for spelling "gurt" correctly. Proper job, that'un

Btw im no where near my parents, otherside of the country and i needed that car to come see them etc. And now i realise why ive not been on mumsnet for so long ... ask a question about something (whilst saying this happened years ago and im not on a poor me trip etc) and having my parenting skills brought into question from someone who doesnt know me.

For your information my parents were neither generous with their time or love either.

You have my sympathy if you have been deprived of love and attention growing up, the car and money are just material items.