To drink brake fluid?

[redisthenewblack]

I'm not addicted though, I can stop whenever I want.

Anyone else got a favourite 'dad joke'?

A sandwich walked into a bar, the barman said sorry we don't serve food here.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Flushed

Wanna hear a chemistry joke? Na

I was going to make lasagne, but I ran out of thyme

Why can't you give elsa a baloon? Because she'll let it go

Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side.

Ezzie I'm going to try that on DS. He is 3 and currently going through the phase of finding the word 'poo' hilarious!
He also thinks it's incredibly funny when my sister calls him 'noodle head' so I'm sure 'chicken butt' will be well received.

Why does Edward Woodward have so many 'D's in his name?

Because if he didn't, he'd be Ewar Woowar. 😂

Why did Tigger have his head down the loo?

He was looking for Pooh!

molyholy - and it came out in logs.

Iklboo - The Hungry Baby by Nora Titoff
The Baked Bean Lover by Wendy Bottom

What is black and white and red all over? A sunburnt penguin.

Iklboo - Sliding Down the Bannisters by R Stornaway.

Knock knock
Who is there
Lettuce
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in!

total genuinely never heard that one before! That's brilliant!

TroysMammy Household Upholstery by Annette Curtain

The Carpet Fitters by Walter Wall
I See What You're Saying by Julie Noted
Never Been Arrested by Laura Biding

'What's for dinner?'

'Chicken'

'That's foul!'

Heard that one approximately twice a week for nineteen years!

iklboo there's a chain of carpet shops in the region that I live called 'Walter Wall'

Every time I turn my computer on it sings "hello from the other side".

It's a Dell.

Mother -

The Moon Landings Conspiracy by Faye Corbett

Paddy and Murphy are walking along the street and Murphy falls down a hole.
'Paddy call me an ambulance'
Paddy: 'you're an ambulance'

Paddy's walking down the street, struggling to carry a wardrobe.
His neighbour stops him and says,"I thought Murphy was coming to help you with that."
Paddy said,"Yes, he is, he's inside, carrying all the clothes."

Doctor I need a new bum. This ones got a crack in it

What do you call a nose without a body?

Nobody nose.

I used to be a werewolf but I'm alright nowowowoh!
My dhs favourite all time joke. I went to the pub the other day and someone had let their dog poo outside the door and I stood in it. Ten minutes later a bloke comes in and says Ive just stood in some poo. I said, I did that and he punched me on the nose!

Whats the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

Ones heavy, and ones a little lighter

Mum, can I lick the bowl?
No you can flush it like everyone else does.