To drink brake fluid?

[redisthenewblack]

I'm not addicted though, I can stop whenever I want.

Anyone else got a favourite 'dad joke'?

This was one of my Dad's for years:

Q Why did the lobster blush?
A Because it saw the salad dressing

& there were some book jokes eg
Cliff walks by Eileen Dover. ( groan)

4 yr old DS's favourite joke is "what wobbles in the sky?"
"A jellycopter!"

When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar

What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.

Worra, in the same vein as your joke:

"My wife has gone to the Caribbean."
"Jamaica?"
"No, she went of her own accord!"

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Oswald

Oswald who?

Oswalloed my bubble gum.

Did you hear about the explosion in the cheese factory?

De Brie was everywhere.

Where does Kylie get her kebabs?
Jason's Donervan

How do you approach an angry cheese?

Caerphilly.

There are only two children in my family.

My mum read that every third child born in the world is Chinese!

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh

What's small, white and giggles?
A tickled onion

I was walking down the road the other day and someone started throwing cheese at me. How mature.

How many psychotherapists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.

What do you call a man with a paper bag on his head?
Russel.

What do you call a donkey with three legs?
A wonky.

That's Lame

Sorry

Did you hear about the trend for teenagers to experiment with foodstuff as drugs? One girl injected curry paste and now she's in a korma

Knock knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad it's not a banana

Dd's favourite joke when she was about three

Knock knock
Who's there?
Yoo
Yoo who?
Yoo hoo! Big summer blow out

Frozen fans should get that

How do you make Lady GaGa cry?

Poke her face

Man goes to the doctor with lettuce growing out of his arse and asked the doctor if it is going to get any worse.

Doctor replies - I think this is the tip of the Iceberg....

Whats the fastest cake in the world?

Scone

Someone started throwing cheese at me. How mature

Kela - I need to try & sneak that one in at teatime- tried to do a knock knock just now but she refused to engage ( teen hormones!) - said I was probably going to come up with a lame joke

I think I know why I got a puncture.
There was a fork in the road.

Q) What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
A) Cliff

"Doctor, doctor I think I am a pair of curtains"
"Oh pull yourself together!"

What do you get when you call 666?

An upside-down policeman

How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two - one to change the bulb and the other to hold my penis. LADDER! I MEAN LADDER!!!