To insist on dd being called the right name in nursery even though it's not her name.

[acrobatty]

Dd has a name on her birth certificate that is her formal name. Think along the lines of Catherine but we call her Kate for example.

She was announced at birth as "Kate" and has been called this name ever since. Everybody knows this and knows her as this. Her birth certificate is only different to give her extra choices when she's bigger.

A few things have come back from nursery so far with "Catherine" on. I've mentioned it to them and they've said they don't call her that. But today when I turned up to pick her up, one of the girls working there opened the door and shouted "Catherine's mum" at the top of her voice. I just said oh, we don't call her that at home we call her kate. But now I feel like speaking to the manager and asking if it can be made clear what her preferred name is and could they stick to it please.

WIBU to do this? Is it a wanky thing to do? I'm annoyed and I want to stop it now but is that a weird thing to do to request they stick to her preferred name and not on the birth cert?

Don't know if iabu or I just need a

Another Katherine here, hey.

YANBU in the least bit! I remember in secondary my English teacher wouldn't stop calling me "Cathy" because apparently both "Katie" and "Kitty" were too childish for his tastes (and his opinion on my name is far more important than mine ). I told him to call me "Katherine" then and suck it up that it's longer because I hate being called "Cathy". It took ignoring him every time he called my "Cathy" (which of course resulted in several detentions I didn't go to because they were "Cathy's" detentions not mine) for three whole months!

It's the job of a teacher to make sure the students feel comfortable and if you're calling her something different at home, it's likely it's her preferred name currently (I'd ask her about it first) and therefore makes her more comfortable than Catherine does.

The nursery should use preferred name. But this annoys me a bit too, sorry! I chose a name that couldn't be shortened or changed and will do again for #2 when they arrive. I have a friend who had 3 kids who all go by different nicknames all decided at birth. Even announced on FB as (names changed) 'Katherine (Kate) Smith. Eh? Why not just call Kate?
I get that names can get shortened through time but don't get the whole deciding on your child's nickname at birth.

Really Harry?

So you can be sure ( although you've never met this boy ) that he won't want to change it when he's , I don't know, 15? Because no one ever changes their mind , do they ? And every teenager in the world doesn't exactly what their parents want .

Also it's a tradition in many places to call children aftre relatives, then use another form to reduce confusion. It's seen as honouring that person .

Yanbu. If they are not using her preferred name then they need to be asked to start. I don't think it would be wanky to ask them to make sure all their staff are aware and adhering to this.

we have the same sons name is Johnny but John on birthcertificate. When he started reception even though we had filled in the forms and said Johnny is his chosen name they still labeled his peg and name badge with John.. I just mentioned to the teacher that first day that his name is Johnny and they changed it all..no fuss no problem. I think when he starts secondary I will just fill everything in as Johnny and not mention John

I work in a nursery, and we ask parents what they would prefer their child to be called. obviously for formal documents they would be called the name on their birth certificate, but for their learning journals and when naming their artwork we would give their preferred name.
It's not at all a pain for you to request that your child be called by their preferred name and staff should respect that, and not at all think of you in a negative way.

My son is called Sandy but we gave him the name of Alexander on his birth cert. I'm actually not that keen on his full name and I'd be pretty pissed off if Nursery called him by his full name after I had already told him that we use the shortened version. So no YANBU.

My 3 sons all have shortenable (?!) names - at home, they all use the shortened versions, but at school DS1 and DS3 prefer their full names. However DS2 hates being called by his full name! When he was starting reception, I had to go in and ask his teacher not to call him that, as he said it was his "naughty name" (you know, when your mum gives you your full name and you know you're in trouble....). So throughout primary he was never known as anything but his shortened name. When he started senior school, all his books, registers etc all had his full name on but his friends - and most teachers once they got to know him - all still call him by his short name.

YANBU - just mention it to her Keyworker and if that fails, go to the manager.

We have the opposite problem, our son's name keeps being shortened by his paternal family, and not the 'normal' shortened version either (Samuel > Sam), he gets Sammy, which absolutely boils our blood. Sam I can deal with to an extent, Sammy is awful (personal preference) and I cringe every single time I hear it pass the lips of my inlaws. We've tried numerous times and he's now started correcting them himself but it makes no difference.

If you've asked for your daughter to be called Kate, and they're not doing as asked, yanbu to mention it x

YANBU. My son's school teacher insisted on calling my nine year old by his first name and middle name. She actually called him by both names (which was rather odd as they are both long names) and some of the children started teasing him. When I raised this with the teacher, she told me those are the names on his birth certificate. Explaining the situation to her didn't help but a trip to the headmaster nipped this in the bud so just go and see who is in charge and insist that your child is called by the preferred name.

My middle daughter is the same. Her name on the birth certificate is Charlotte but we will never call her that. She is called Lottie. We didn't know whether she would prefer to be Charlotte or Charlie when she was older so gave the option by having her officially called Charlotte. We always find it confusing when someone, like the doctor, calls her as Charlotte!

As a teacher, I always used the preferred name and would appreciate you telling me. I only used the legal name on registers, reports etc. Do tell them. It could be confusing for her otherwise.

OnceI had a child who was called, let's say Robert. For the first three days I kept on trying to get his attention. "Robert, ROBERT. I'm speaking to you. Stop what you're doing and look at me Robert." Nothing, no response at all. (He was a little and it was driving me to drink) On day 3, I asked mum if he had ever had problems with his hearing as he was completely ignoring me. " No," said she. "Emanuel, can you not hear Mrs Marmoset?" The name they used was not even closely related. It would have been really useful to know. Problem solved. ( He was still a little )

*Why not just give your child the name you will call them in the first place?

I just don't really understand giving a child a name and insisting no one uses it.*

Despite the OP explaining quite clearly why they've done it in this case?

YANBU OP. You're unlikely to be the first or last person asking for their child to be known as a shortened version of their full name. It's not rocket surgery.

Kristina, I can't be sure of anything, I don't know the boy.

All I know is giving someone a name on a birth cert and then insisting that no-one actually calls them that name is daft behaviour.

Also got a Xander who is Alexander. Just what it got shortened to and we like it. Worse than using his full name a couple of nursery staff called him Alex. Which isn't his name. He had no idea who they were talking to. Didn't worry about to letting them know that it's not his name and they were absolutely fine about changing how they addressed him. YANBU and can't imagine the nursery would think you were. Of course if he chooses a different version when he's older then that's entirely up to him.

@notquite - my inference was that if this is the worst trauma op is going to suffer through their child's upbringing they are in for a hard time in the coming years. Thanks for the offensive language, how necessary - and from an educationalist!

I'm a little confused you would pick a name for your child that no-one can use!?

My little lady is called Catherine,she gets annoyed when people shorten it but we wanted to give her the option to be able to when she's older. My name can't be shortened easily and I hated that. YNBU to ask them to use a preferred name OP.

No, YANBU at all, the nursery should call the child by the name you've asked them to, I would just mention it casually to a staff member then if it doesn't change. Talk to the manager. I too would be annoyed by this. If everyone has referred to her as "Kate" all her life rather then "Catherine" and you've asked them to also do this. Then they should respect that.

It's a personal choice if someone wants to give someone an official name and then use a shortend version. Up to them and no one else's business.

I get a bit annoyed when I tell people my lg is Ella and they call her Elle- one person even called her Ellie once!

Try a double barrelled name! My little girl is Amy-Rose, it bugs my when people call her Amy....... She's named after my MIL Amy & my mum Rosemary & that's possibly why it grates so much when people get it wrong.

Speaking as a primary school teacher, the nursery/school should make every effort to call your child what you want on a day to day basis... UNLESS the child has said otherwise.
Could your DD have possibly told staff that she wants to be called Catherine and NOT Kate? A lot of Littles do that away from home. Just check before you cause a rumpus.

FWI, I can't help but think it's a bit "wanky" to give your child one legal name, and then actually insist on something different. Surely it causes the child a whole lifetime of explanations, "yes, that's my legal name but..." What a faff!

I don't think it's wanky tbh my son doesn't go by his name at all from very early on I have called him by a nickname and it's the name he responds to (it's especially important to stick to as he is autistic so his hearing is selective as it is). I let his teachers know (he's in a specialist class) and they have never called him anything else, the only think they do is on paperwork they have to use his official name for legal requirements especially as most of his paperwork goes to the local authority board

My daughter is called Ellie. On her birth cert she is named as Eloise. When she started reception she chose to go officially by Ellie. I told them this and that was that. When she started high school I told them that Ellie was her preferred name. Never been a problem. If there had been, I would have spoken to the class teacher and reiterated her preferred name is Ellie. YANU just speak to them

Exactly the same here, only my daughter's name is Eleanor ... but Ellie to everyone and never been an issue.