To insist on dd being called the right name in nursery even though it's not her name.

[acrobatty]

Dd has a name on her birth certificate that is her formal name. Think along the lines of Catherine but we call her Kate for example.

She was announced at birth as "Kate" and has been called this name ever since. Everybody knows this and knows her as this. Her birth certificate is only different to give her extra choices when she's bigger.

A few things have come back from nursery so far with "Catherine" on. I've mentioned it to them and they've said they don't call her that. But today when I turned up to pick her up, one of the girls working there opened the door and shouted "Catherine's mum" at the top of her voice. I just said oh, we don't call her that at home we call her kate. But now I feel like speaking to the manager and asking if it can be made clear what her preferred name is and could they stick to it please.

WIBU to do this? Is it a wanky thing to do? I'm annoyed and I want to stop it now but is that a weird thing to do to request they stick to her preferred name and not on the birth cert?

Don't know if iabu or I just need a

Our Ds has a name similar to Robert/ Robbie / Bobby .

I have never once had a problem . Every single place I register him has a space for "known as " . Every single class teacher in primary asked him what he wanted to be called.

Ive found that anyone who works professionally with children ( or even volunteers like scout leaders ) have been very careful about this.

I've even had other parents at school ask me what name to use , because they are aware that their child calls him Robbie and they want to check in case I prefer Robert.

I should add that he answers to all the versions of his name . I guess it's harder if your child has strong views about one version of their name .

Does she has the 'Kate ' on her both certificate as well?

Sorry meant birth

YANBU both my children have their full "proper" name on their birth certificate and are known by shortened names. Never been a problem at all. I think this is a really normal thing to do! As a teacher I always ask children called Matthew, Nicholas, Katherine, William etc what they prefer to be called (I teach teenagers where parents often no longer fill in "preferred name"). I tend to think it's a little odd if a child's official name is say John rather than Jonathan and wonder if parents realised it is a shortened name they have given their child!

YANBU and its crap that schools will always use the birth certificate name!
Be polite but assertive and if that doesn't work be more assertive and less polite!

Tell them!

All the schools that ds has been to have a name section and known by section on forms. Never had an issue in 15 years.

Oh this friggin drives me mad. I just don't understand why someone would get annoyed when they actually use her proper name? Why did you bother giving it to her if it offends you do much?

In the past I've taught kids who are officially one name, e.g. Michael, but on the register as William. But goes by Liam. Yet mum calls them Mikey. WHAT?! All names made up but along those lines.

A shortened version of a long name is hardly an unusual thing.

"whe i was at school it was your rergistered name thy coldnt give a crap back then what u preferred"

How long ago was that then? I left school 30 years ago, and they used preferred names at my school. We had one girl in our year who was given a "girly" first name that she loathed, so she was known to everyone by her middle name. Including all the teachers.

Catsbeensickagain why is it odd to give a child a shortened version of a name if that is what the parents have chosen? What a ridiculous comment. As ridiculous as people who say the opposite, that you should give the name you want and if that's the shortened name that's what it should be. As to wondering if the parents have realised... How incredibly patronising.

Unless you're choosing something inadvertently offensive, when it would be kind to point it out, i just don't get this overinvestment about why people choose the names they do. It's a different way of doing things to you. Not wrong, just different. Get over it.

In case it might not be obvious, my son has a name that is a common shortening of a longer name . He was in hospital as a baby and despite me putting his actual name when registering him, which is on his birth certificate, they printed the longer version in his records. After telling them politely, several times, that this was incorrect, and asking them to change it (to plenty of cats bum faces and 'but obviously he's longname on his birth certificate so that's what he needs to be on his medical records' type comments) I had to be very very firm and pretty cross before they actually listened to me and changed it. What is actually wrong with these people, who are strangers to us, yet think they know better than me what my own son is called?

Craigie I love that idea! it's just passive aggressive enough for me.

I think it bothered me more because her shortening is a completely different name to her long one on her birth certificate. She's known as the short name because it's her name. It's who she is. It's the name we prefer. But it's a short name and very old fashioned.
I didn't want her to be stuck her whole life with a name she might grow tired of or want to chose something else. Her longer name looks more grown up on its own or has a variety of other shortenings you could pick should she wish one day. But she's "Kate" and it just doesn't feel respectful not to call her that.

whe i was at school it was your rergistered name thy coldnt give a crap back then what u preferred

I only found out a few years ago that my mum's first name wasn't actually her first name, but her middle name - she switched them round when she was at school, and was known by her middle name to everyone (including teachers) this was in 1952.

Why put one name on a birth cert and never use it? People can call themselves what they like day to day.

For everyone who thinks it's odd to use a shortened name rather than that on a birth certificate, it's really, really common, and has been for generations!
Do you truly believe all blokes in the world called Dave were registered/christened 'Dave', as tiny babies?! More likely they have shortened David I reckon :-)

My son has a shorter version of his official name that everyone calls him, when we meet a new nursery staff member we just tell them to call him what we want and they do. I would just tell each staff member, I wouldn't bother with the manager.

But, Billy, most names just morph naturally. The idea of putting one name on a birth cert and then insisting people don't use that name is just barmy!

OP mentioned exactly why she chose to put a longer name on birth certificate. It's not odd at all, I know LOTS of people that use shortened names or even middle names as their preferred name. My son has a popular first name which is more formal and we named him that on birth certificate as it is more formal and we don't know what his chosen career may be. We have called him the shortened version from day one tho and told everyone that's what he is called. When he started pre school I wrote his full name and then wrote the shorter name under preferred name. They also ignored it and used his full name. It took a year before they got they message...by then the kids were like who they hell is that?! So don't be afraid to make your point!! Xx

Our son is Alexander, named after my father who died & my DH grandfather, he has however been known as Xander from birth.
We filled in the known as part of the forms as Xander, he doesn't relate to his full name, so if someone uses it he doesn't actually know they are talking to him. School have him as Alexander even though he just finished 2 years of nursery with them & has always been Xander. I just reminded them he doesn't use that name, so they are changing everything back, other than official forms etc.

Will he ever go by Alexander? If not, what is the point in having that name on a piece of paper locked away. It's just a logistical pain in the arse. Which you and OP are already finding out.

That's obviously not to say people can't do whatever they want. More to say that I just don't get it.

I find it odd when people say they don't want their child to be stuck with a certain name, so use an "official name" they don't really like on birth certificate "to give them more choice when older."

Because what if they "don't like" the longer name either?

IMHO if a kid doesn't like their name as they grow older, they're quite free to invent a totally new name anyway. So there's really no point in insisting on long names on birth certificates.

Fwiw I have a Madeleine who naturally evolved into a Maddie - but that's fine as we like BOTH versions.

I have to say I agree with you Harry I don't really get it either.
Surely it's better if you're going to shorten, for your child to know what their actual name is, and that the name used most often is a nickname for that name so they respond as both?
So for example, a child called Elizabeth might naturally be shortened to Lizzie but it's not too far away from the full version to be that confusing.
But if a child's official name is Johnathon 'but we call him Jack' is bound to cause confusion for the child?

YANBU. My ds is known by different spelling of the name on his birth certificate. All the schools have called him by his preferred name.

YANBU. At that age it is your choice of name that matters and it's downright rude of anyone not to use it. Not long after DD was born I was visited by a truly vile health visitor. She had annoyed me by some of the things she'd said, but the clincher came when she said "No, I can't call her that, I hate that name, I'll call her xxxx". DD's name is a fairly traditional name, which I can't imagine anyone hating, and I saw red. I think the words "Get the fuck out of my house, NOW" may have been used...

Well I'm guessing when they called him " Alexander " at 3 days old they probably didn't have a crystal ball to be able to look 50 years into the future to know whether he would prefer Al, Alexander, Alec , Alec, Sandy or Zander.

And as anyone called Katy or Dave will attest, if you only use the short form you are condemned to a life of people asking " what is that short for ? " .

Erm, he was called Xander from birth. You don't need a crystal ball for that.