To insist on dd being called the right name in nursery even though it's not her name.

[acrobatty]

Dd has a name on her birth certificate that is her formal name. Think along the lines of Catherine but we call her Kate for example.

She was announced at birth as "Kate" and has been called this name ever since. Everybody knows this and knows her as this. Her birth certificate is only different to give her extra choices when she's bigger.

A few things have come back from nursery so far with "Catherine" on. I've mentioned it to them and they've said they don't call her that. But today when I turned up to pick her up, one of the girls working there opened the door and shouted "Catherine's mum" at the top of her voice. I just said oh, we don't call her that at home we call her kate. But now I feel like speaking to the manager and asking if it can be made clear what her preferred name is and could they stick to it please.

WIBU to do this? Is it a wanky thing to do? I'm annoyed and I want to stop it now but is that a weird thing to do to request they stick to her preferred name and not on the birth cert?

Don't know if iabu or I just need a

YANBU our nursery even asked us what our boy's preferred name was and still didn't use it! I asked them in the end and they got better but all the children were already used to calling him by his full name. He is now about to start school and I am anticipating the same problem.

It's her identity that's the issue here- her name and what she likes to be called ( or what you call her) is important for that reason. It's totally up to you to register whatever name you like. And to expect the nursery to call her by the name she prefers. i would talk to the Manager ( in a nice way) and make sure everyone follows through. It could initially be a mistake on the part of staff but with adequate communication they should learn to get it right.

I'd have said something when the member of staff used the wrong name. At that moment.
& every time I heard it. Bottling it up for a later conversation is a bit previous.
My name & my daughters can have different spellings. Spell it wrong and I'll tell you instantly. (Especially as we have the classic spellings not the modern/chavvy versions) People should make an effort to get these things right. It's your choice. Your daughter. People should do it your way!

Our Lil peach is Tobias but we call him Toby, the school call him a mix of the two! Even though we've asked for him to be call Toby

I'm baffled by the nursery tob, your DD has a Sunday name, for use of high days and holidays, and a shortened version for day to day use. You've asked them to call her "short" rather than "long", have completed a form to confirm this and the staff are ignoring your wishes.

Unless your DD is old enough to have expressed a different preference herself, I'd speak to the manager. If they're ignoring this bit of your form, what else are they ignoring?

Tell them. It's completely fine.

It's just good manners to call people their preferred name.

It's as if shortened versions of names like Ben, Tom, Kate, Lizzie and Bob were only invited in the early 21st century and no one ever used them before or anything...

People should be called by their preferred name. End of.

One of the schools I worked in insisted on putting initials corresponding to my maiden name on all the timetables for next year, even though they knew I was 1. Up the duff and 2. Getting married and changing my name the day after term ended. This caused masses of confusion as the kids called me Mrs BoffinMum but the timetable indicated something completely different. Daft. They refused to change it because 'you might not get married and then you would have different initials". It was really a power thing. So since then I have insisted people use the right name, right spelling, and so on especially if they are lazy buggers.

Why call them something then not want to use it? I don't get it, why not just use the long pretty name ?

I'm a Katherine, but am called Katy, Kate, Kath, Kathy and Katherine, depending on who is speaking to me. At times, I wish I'd been called Fred, so much easier! At my DS's school, they ask for the full name for official things, but also ask for the preferred name, although 'little shit' apparently isn't acceptable! Insist on the name you want, they should go with it.

My sons been to two nurseries now and each time I filled out paper work it's said "child's name" and "child's preferred name"
YANBU

I work as a supervisor in a preschool. At application stage parents can write their child's full name and also a 'known as' name. I have had many children with shortened (and completely different) 'known as' names over the years. All staff are made aware of this and there is no excuse not to use it

I work in a nursery and some parents have given us orders to call their children their short names, i.e. Thomas - tom, Harrison - Harry -Eloise - el/Ella. It's quite common. It's like my son is called Terrance. I call him Teddy if he's being good and Terrance if he's done something wrong 😂 But I have chosen to let him be called Terrance at nursery until he realises that teddy isn't his name but Terrance x

Terrance is an excellent name.

The school forms often ask preferred name, and I think it's a good idea. I think you said you already did this and still they're calling her by the other.
I think it's ok to tell the school head so that it's made clear. I've noticed some people will call others what they think, whether an unsolicited nickname or the "full" formal name. That sounds like what happened here with the woman you're talking about. She may think she's showing respect by using the formal name. That is my guess.

My son is the opposite, he prefers his full name and doesn't like the shortened version used by people he doesn't know well! Someone called him the short version, and another person said, He prefers ...... haha, so that person knew my son well enough to know what he preferred.

Definitely say something though, I can understand how annoying it is.

But if a child's official name is Johnathon 'but we call him Jack' is bound to cause confusion for the child?

I have an Edward also known as Spike. No child has ever been remotely confused.

Adults otoh ...

kimhp, isn't - or shouldn't - the child's name and the child's preferred name be the same bloody name? I can't believe schools forms distinguish a difference. It's surely the same thing.

Talk to them. You are the parents, the formal name and any other names by which your child goes by is your choice until she is old enough to choose for herself, not theirs!

It's sensible for a school to distinguish between the name on a child's official records (cross checkable with eg doctors, social services, etc) and the name that's used day to day.

It is very normal to use an everyday name that isn't the same as the one on your birth certificate. I don't get addressed as Sarah Olwen Hathaway everyday, but as Sally. I wouldn't be offended to be addressed as Sarah by someone who was reading my name off a document, but I'd introduce myself as Sally and expect that to be used.

They used a shortened version of dd name when she was at her first nursery and although I always used my preferred name when speaking to staff I didn't make a fuss although it gripes my pipe . Now she is older she corrects anyone who doesn't use her preferred name. I think it is because there is a little boy at nursery with a shortened version of her name and she 'is NOT a boy!' to quote her.

Ooh I bet the DD is an Eleanor known as Nell.

Yanbu, they should use the preferred name (in either direction, whether using a short name they've been told to or sticking to long version when instructed rather than inventing their own nicknames!)

I would love Charlotte for a DD but would live in fear of unsolicited "Charley" (that I personally dislike) by all and sundry

Where I work we have our official name and prefered name on our records. Maybe more organisations should do the same.

I give up. I named my children the names I wanted them to call them by. I'm obviously old fashioned. If these names morph into something else - at nursery, at school, at work - so be it. I just didn't name them something on their birth certs and then insist on everyone calling them something different.

I go against the grain. What can I say.

That's a great decision for you.

But it's not an old fashioned decision. Having a baptism/birth certificate name that you never use is as old as time immemorial

My daughter is called Eleonora but we all call her Ellie. She's 4. The nursery and the primary school both asked what we prefer to call her and I said Ellie and they respect our wishes. I would have a word with her key worker and/or send an email to the nursery, I'm sure they won't mind (and you're not being unreasonable). Xx