To insist on dd being called the right name in nursery even though it's not her name.

[acrobatty]

Dd has a name on her birth certificate that is her formal name. Think along the lines of Catherine but we call her Kate for example.

She was announced at birth as "Kate" and has been called this name ever since. Everybody knows this and knows her as this. Her birth certificate is only different to give her extra choices when she's bigger.

A few things have come back from nursery so far with "Catherine" on. I've mentioned it to them and they've said they don't call her that. But today when I turned up to pick her up, one of the girls working there opened the door and shouted "Catherine's mum" at the top of her voice. I just said oh, we don't call her that at home we call her kate. But now I feel like speaking to the manager and asking if it can be made clear what her preferred name is and could they stick to it please.

WIBU to do this? Is it a wanky thing to do? I'm annoyed and I want to stop it now but is that a weird thing to do to request they stick to her preferred name and not on the birth cert?

Don't know if iabu or I just need a

It can be difficult when taking the register ( which HAS to have the official name recorded on it) to recall the known-by name as you simply go down the list on autopilot and concentrate on getting the mark correct-even though sometimes the name is wrong! Aleksandra's here are known as Ola, and many times I say "Good Morning Alex,,,Ola" !

You name is, in law, the name you use/are known by.

Really? What if you use the long version of your name on forms but are usually called, in conversation, by the short version? (That's my position.) How can the name I'm almost always called by be my legal name if I've got nothing in writing with it on?

My dd has been at nursery from 9 months old. From the day she was born (my ds was already there) they knew her name was Jessica. When she started, in the "known as" I wrote Jessica or Jessie. They have a daily diary in the baby and toddler room and every day they would write "Jess did this, Jess did that" and every day I would tell them that it's Jessica or Jessie as I hate Jess. It makes me cringe every time they called her Jess. Fast forward nearly 3.5yrs later, despite correcting them EVERY SINGLE TIME they still call her Jess luckily she starts school next month and they call her by the preferred names. I have the opposite problem like pp, people will call me by the well know "lengthened" version of my name, but it's just not my name (like Kate on my bc, but I get called Catherine...) I just call them Tarquin

YANBU. I have a full name on my birth certificate but have always gone by my short name, I have a cousin that is the same and my dad uses his middle name and not his actual name. Just because it says Catherine on her birth certificate doesn't mean that is what she is called, if she goes by Kate that is what they should call her.

I reckon about half the people I know have a long name but are regularly known by a shortened version, adults and children. Including me, DH, our DCs, all our siblings, a lot of cousins and friends. We made very sure we picked names for the DCs that we liked all the normal variants of.

My DD has gone right through nursery, pre-school and primary school with everyone managing to call her by her preferred shortened version and having the long one in the register. She's starting to use the long version now as she gets older. DS has gone the other way, we started out with the long one and he now prefers the short one. I'm really glad we gave them the choice and no one seems to have had a problem getting it right, so I would definitely have a word.

One of the few adults I know who was Christened with the short version hates the fact that she can't easily use the long version.

It's easier in primary for the teacher to remember what to call a child when they have to call the register , where on SIMS is has their official name on. I've had a Charlotte in my class 2 years running. One went by Charley and one by Lottie. No problem for me.

However, my friend's son made a not-very-good first impression in high school when his given 'official' name was called out on the register by the teacher who was taking the class. When they called his name out he over reacted with outrage that his name had been called out 'wrong'.

Because all the way through primary he'd been called his preferred name with no exception, he had not really been prepared for the time when it would be called out in the way that he wasn't used to hearing. He obviously didn't like it and was probably concerned that his friends would make fun of him or that new friends would call him by the 'wrong' name.

Fine to give a name and use a nickname for them, but only if they really are aware and prepared for those moments when their given name will be called.

We called our children a given long name that had accepted shortened forms. But we used all different forms of their names so they are familiar with them all. They know which they prefer their friends to call them by. I wouldn't give a child a long name and then ONLY call them by their shortened form or complain if anyone else used their long form to be fair.

For people saying it doesn't matter - I had this as a child, as in school usually insisted on using my formal name rather than the one I was always always called by everywhere else. It made me really miserable, I can't quite put my finger on why but I think it made me feel like they didn't really know who I was or something. It's horrible to be repeatedly called by a name you don't feel is your own; I still hate it as an adult.

DD2 is Charlotte, but we have always called her Lottie, it was that version I liked, but I wanted her to be able to have the choice of a more 'grown up' name when she was older if she wanted. She's always known her real name is Charlotte, but no one uses this, and never had any problems with school or nursery. Not that it would bother me anyway

My dd has a shortened name for her registered name. She used to get quite upset when people called her the long version as it wasn't her name. She is in year 6 now and her old reception teacher still refers to her as the long name. I had to correct this again at the end of term 'but that's not her name' 'yes it is'. 'No, it really isn't'. Why do people doubt a child's mother over what name they gave their child? I didnt name her the long name because I don't particularly like it and knew I would never use it. How can people be so dense about it, call people by the name they wish to be called, it's not hard!

YANBU. If you are shortening her name it shouldn't be a problem. In the borough I work in, children must be called by the name on their BC or a derivative especially in nursery and reception. I work in a very multicultural area and children are often given 2 names. One on the certificate and one not. The main reason is the details for the child are put on the system. A child called Fred John Smith known as Nick had an accident. The parents of Nicholas James Jones were contacted. Our borough implemented the system to ensure it didn't happen again.

One of the few adults I know who was Christened with the short version hates the fact that she can't easily use the long version.

Well, tbh, it's as legal to call yourself Catherine when your documents say Kate as vice versa. It just depends what circumstances you're talking about.

I met someone at work called (say) Mary. All her work stuff had Mary on it. When her fiancé rang for her, he would ask for (say) Joanne. She had been registered Mary after a family baby who had died, but before not very long they'd all found that too distressing and went by a completely different family name (ie not her middle name or anything), namely Joanne. She quite happily answered to the two names in the different contexts, just as someone could be Margaret at work and Meg at home.

Generally people will address you as you introduce yourself. When I arrived at university I introduced myself as a plausible but unusual shortening of my actual name, to create a new identity of myself as Real Student. People who met me in those three years call me by that shortening - including DH and my ILs - but I didn't use it when I started working so I'm not really known by it now.

Anyway, short answer, you can call yourself whatever you like, but your bank/HR/DVLA will want paperwork.

I'm pregnant and have been toying with a long name on birth cert and using both it AND a short version because I love both name and can't decide between them but this thread has put an end to that!

I don't think it's weird to put on long name on BC and END UP using a shorter name over time but I do think it's stupid to put a long name you don't intend using at all on the birth cert just so the child "has options". Why on earth do they need options. People called emma, Anna, Mary etc don't have options and neither does my own name, it has never, ever been an issue. I have never once thought "I wish I had different options to my name"!!!!

And I do think YABU to get annoyed with the nursery using a name you gave your daughter, albeit one you don't use. But I would talk to them if it really bothers you.

I know what you mean. My daughter had a TA who would call my daughter variations of names she had made up. She would shorten my DDs name sometimes adding an S or put a made up name on the end of it. I tried to look at it as a term of endearment but it started to annoy my 6 year old because the TA would also write it on my DDs work. I couldn't understand why the TA just couldn't call my DD by her name which is a simple name to pronounce!

My parents chose names that were all unusual at the time, one in particular they DID NOT WANT SHORTENED. This was stressed upon. He was to be Alexander, and anyone who tried to shorten it would be corrected immediately.

Except the very second he was born, my dad held him in his arms, looked down with glittering eyes and whispered adoringly "Hello, Alex" aaaaaand Mum went spare.

36 years on, he's now Al. The other of us all go by shortened names too, even the ones that can't really be shortened. Sorry, Ma.

My name on my bc is not the name I was called as a child which has a slightly different ending and is possibly more popular as a name in its own right... But my family saw it as the pet name, diminutive, call it what you will, of my legal name... Like Jamie for James but not quite so mainstream. Strict teachers called me by my legal name and that was fine and I started using it when I started work as it does sound a bit more formal... But gradually your lives merge and people keep hearing me called one when they use the other and whichever way round they always seem to assume that they have been calling me the wrong name!! I answer to both and don't really care either way... But I do find it odd that I appear to the only person who uses one as a contraction of the other!!

*other 5 of us that should say

My friend feels she can't easily use her long version because it would cause even more confusion. At the moment she (Kate, not real name) gets asked if it's short for Catherine, but if she called herself Catherine no one would check and she would end up with Catherine on official forms etc.

If you shouted my husbands passport name down the street he wouldn't look, not out of spite but because he just doesn't associate himself with that name. He goes as his middle name. Most people don't even realise it's not his actual name.

In my nursery the application form clearly specifies name you would like your child to be called / learn to write and name to be used on official documents. I wouldn't be in the least offended if you were to tell me I was using the wrong name.

I think you are being just a little unreasonable to be this upset about it. If you don't like hearing her full name why did you give it too her? Unless it makes your daughter terribly upset to hear her actual name ( in which case maybe formally change it) then I don't really see the problem beyond it being slightly annoying.

Yanbu. I did this when dd1 was in nursery. Exactly the same circumstances too. Just be prepared to keep reminding them.