To insist on dd being called the right name in nursery even though it's not her name.

[acrobatty]

Dd has a name on her birth certificate that is her formal name. Think along the lines of Catherine but we call her Kate for example.

She was announced at birth as "Kate" and has been called this name ever since. Everybody knows this and knows her as this. Her birth certificate is only different to give her extra choices when she's bigger.

A few things have come back from nursery so far with "Catherine" on. I've mentioned it to them and they've said they don't call her that. But today when I turned up to pick her up, one of the girls working there opened the door and shouted "Catherine's mum" at the top of her voice. I just said oh, we don't call her that at home we call her kate. But now I feel like speaking to the manager and asking if it can be made clear what her preferred name is and could they stick to it please.

WIBU to do this? Is it a wanky thing to do? I'm annoyed and I want to stop it now but is that a weird thing to do to request they stick to her preferred name and not on the birth cert?

Don't know if iabu or I just need a

Schools will need to use her 'passport name'. Not sure about nurseries.

"WHY?! Just call them the shortened/middle name in the bloody first place, then people don't get their knickers in a twist when the full/first name are used as would be usual practice."

Because it's really, really, really normal in the UK to give a formal name on the birth certificate that the child can use when they're older if they wish?

I am actually called Katharine - known as Katie when I was small, then changed at my own choice to another shortening around age 8 (because there were 5 other Kates/Katies in my primary school class out of 15 girls). No-one has ever in my entire life struggled with the fact that my legal name is Katherine - because it's really bloody normal to use a shortening!

Due to my excess-of-Katies experience, DD also has a name with multiple commonly used nicknames, similarly, I have never known anyone to struggle with using her preferred shortening.

Betty is a cool name also misses point I have a willowy teen dd who hated it when I called her Betty when she was little. Now uses it herself. People have done a double take in supermarkets when I call her.

As a teacher I would have spoken to children using any name they preferred but the name on the birth certificate would be on the register and at some point they would have to learn to write the birth certificate version of all their names.

No YANBU at all. 2 of ours have "Sunday" names on their birth certificates, neither of them have ever been known by them and have always been called their nicknames. The wee one is only known by his proper name as there's nothing to shorten it to (although nursery cannot spell it right despite it being the traditional spelling of a traditional name!!!!). When I filled in their nursery/school forms there was a section for "is known as", so I put the kids names in there. It could really confuse your DD so I would insist that her name is used properly.

Can't quite understand the people getting wound up about others not putting the shortened version on their birth certificate. Many people have family names - several generations may have the same name and the short versions are used to distinguish them.

I am a Kate/Katherine - I've always been called Kate. I was named after an aunt so I have always been known by the short version but still have the long version on my BC. I like having two names - I use the longer one for more official occasions.

There are lots of very traditional names that have many variations - is it really too much for people to cope with a little variation, such that you have to run about shrieking 'have the short version on the birth certificate' ? Surely people are capable of retaining simple information in their heads such that they can understand that names have shorter version?
And if a school/nursery is told this child is known as 'Kate/Charlie/Danny/Meg/Billy or whatever surely they can cope and be courteous enough to use the name asked?

Using the name someone likes to be known as is important when you work with children - it makes them feel safe and settled, and it's not a hard thing to do.

"Schools will need to use her 'passport name'. Not sure about nurseries."

Why will they? Where are you getting this from?

All three of DS's nursery, infant and junior applications the form has asked for his passport name but also his "known by" name. It's normal for schools to use NNs if asked IME.

Schools will need to use her 'passport name'. Not sure about nurseries.

Not day-to-day they won't. Her file and any exam certificates and the likes will be in her passport name, but she can easily use her known as name.

It even happens with surnames in schools (given Dad's name, parents split up so ends up known as Mum's name for example) so first names being shortened won't be difficult as it's vvv common.

It's not always parental choice that names get shortened either. DS2's name was shortened/changed by his siblings and he liked it better than his name, and the shortening we occasionally used - Think Alexander, occasionally called Alex, but siblings called him Axel type name. By the time he started school he decided he wanted to be Axel all the time because siblings are cooler than parents

Suppose you can't win then Masketti

Schools will need to use her 'passport name'

Yes as Hula and I and others say, this is not the case.

YANBU and the nursery are being pretty poor about it.

All of my children have a long full name but a shortened version that is used every day. One of my children chose the shortened version and refuses to be called by anything else. We did originally use the full version generally. Any nursery or school setting we have been in use the short version of their names. When my first started nursery school, they used the long version, so your "Katherine", even though I'd out "Kate" as thepreferred name. I spoke to them and advised them that my child would only respond to "Kate" and would may even tell them not to use "Katherine". They changed everything over, except on official things like reports. When "Kate" started school, everything except the register had "Kate" on it including programmes for school natitvities, end of year reports, etc. Schools can and should respect these preferences (except on official paperwork for exams, etc).

Two of my siblings are only known by the short versions of their names, through choice. But both are very insistent that they like having the full versions as their official names. They both dislike shortened versions of names being used as official names. So when I name my children I took their advice (which I agreed with anyway) and used the full versions of names as official names.

I'm a Victoria and shorten it to Tori, it's not confusing as I just tell ppl this is my preferred name.

Both DD and DS have longer, classic names which are shortened to everyday nicknames. I did this as I think nicknames in a professional context can be a bit cringy but also because I went for the old-fashioned versions and I wanted them to have the option to go for more contemporary versions if they wanted to. DD hates being called by her full name or any other variant (it's been mentioned on here). I don't know if DS even realised he has a full name.

As a teacher I would use a preferred name only if it was made clear as a preference - one girl had a made up nickname totally unrelated to her full name which was no problem.

We have the same but he answered to either

YANBU. I have a long name with multiple shortenings, played with some of them when I was younger & now I've gone back to the whole thing.

There's one shortening I loathe, so I'm very grateful to my parents for giving me a name with choices!

I'm the manager of a nursery and I would prefer someone to bring this to my attention. Obviously the form wasn't processed properly. Nurseries and schools ask for preferred name for a reason -- and should respect parents' choices. One point to consider though is that you will need to decide which name to use when it comes to writing and spelling it. For example, I had one parent who was annoyed that we taught his child to write the preferred name not the formal one. After than, we have a discussion about it when there is a very significant difference.

Get 5 cheap t-shirts with "Kate" printed in massive letters on the front and send her to nursery wearing one every day until they take the hint!!

Totally not! Ask them because believe it or not you won't be the first. I work in a nursery and we have parents ask this all the time and we are happy to accommodate so don't see why your nursery wouldn't?

They might say that they teach her both and to recognise/spell both seen as that is her formal name but I see no reason why they would think it's strange or wouldn't accommodate, go for it!!

One reason to have a long name as your official name and then get called a shortened version, is as the OP said to give your child options as they grow up. Some long names like, say, Otilie sound very grown up and when they're a child it's nice to call them Tilly or something, but she might want to sound more grown up and be taken more seriously when older. I prefer that to giving a 'nickname name' as their only name, so they'll always sound a bit childish.

You name is, in law, the name you use/are known by.

If DD is known by a particular name, the nursery should respect that.

If they attempt some half-arsed comeback along the lines of "yes, but her legal name is X" then not only are they being needlessly confrontational, but they have no idea of the law.

Alternatively, you should make a point of addressing the staff by whatever name feels appropriate when you pick up...and as/when one of them asks why you keep calling her prudence, when that's not her name, just say it's only informal.

Or summat. :)

For centuries people have given their children names like 'Catherine' or 'Maximillian' or ' Henry', but called them 'Kate' or 'Max' or 'Harry'. It's completely normal, and nursery and school usually reflects this, as well as hospitals and surgeries etc etc etc.

It's a more recent thing that people give their children the diminutive as their official name, say in the last 50 years.

Anyway, have a word with the nursery. It's entirely reasonable.

My DS is a Samuel, he's always been a Samuel to us, to his GPs, to his friends (well the close ones). It really annoys him when teachers and other classmates call him Sam which they all do, even though he has asked to be called Samuel . I used to make a point of saying Samuel to the teachers whenever I was talking about him but this appeared to fall on deaf ears. He's starting senior school next month where only 2 of the pupils from his juniors are going. I've asked him to say right from the start that he is known as Samuel and likes to be addressed thus.

Hopefully this will start as we mean to go on.

Memoires has a point - my grandad was one of 5 brothers born in the 20s and 30s and they were all called Robert with a different (individual) middle name. All were known by the middle name! Seems a bit batshit to me to have five sons called Robert but my grandad was known all his life as David - it's definitely not a new phenomenon to have a 'known as' name!

If they have bothered to ask for her preferred name in the form, they can damn well use it!

We have the opposite side of thousands issue. Dd is Elizabeth. We have only ever called her Elizabeth, but everyone always wants to know what her short version is, and is very surprised that she is just Elizabeth so far. We did deliberately choose a name that has many options, so she can be Betty or Liz or whoever she likes, but so far, she's sticking with Elizabeth.

It's perfectly normal to have a Proper Name and an Everyday Name.

OP, I agree you should say something. When my son started in his infant class (it's a small school with ages 6 weeks to 4 years) this was an issue. My son's name is Daniel and I like that name. I certainly understand that as he gets older and into school he will get his own nicknames. However, he started when he was 9 months old. Everything I wrote, was with his full name, every time I speak to or about him it's with his full name. A month or two in, his teacher (who we adore) said "bye Dan" when we left. It was as I was walking out and it caught me off guard. It kinda made me cringe. I kept making sure to always call him Daniel but she never took the hint. Well, when he moved to the 1 year old class she moved up too (which was fantastic, but more of the "Dan"). Since it's a small school and my son's outgoing, all the teachers know him and every once in awhile we'd pass someone in the hall I didn't even know & they would say "hi Dan". Now, I have a 10 month old in that same original teacher's class again. I now feel like it's a 'whatever' thing now, but if it bothers you, I'd suggest speaking up now before Catherine sticks.