To insist on dd being called the right name in nursery even though it's not her name.

[acrobatty]

Dd has a name on her birth certificate that is her formal name. Think along the lines of Catherine but we call her Kate for example.

She was announced at birth as "Kate" and has been called this name ever since. Everybody knows this and knows her as this. Her birth certificate is only different to give her extra choices when she's bigger.

A few things have come back from nursery so far with "Catherine" on. I've mentioned it to them and they've said they don't call her that. But today when I turned up to pick her up, one of the girls working there opened the door and shouted "Catherine's mum" at the top of her voice. I just said oh, we don't call her that at home we call her kate. But now I feel like speaking to the manager and asking if it can be made clear what her preferred name is and could they stick to it please.

WIBU to do this? Is it a wanky thing to do? I'm annoyed and I want to stop it now but is that a weird thing to do to request they stick to her preferred name and not on the birth cert?

Don't know if iabu or I just need a

YANBU. While I don't mind DD1 being called by her long name we were asked to state her preferred name (the shortened version) at nursery and school and they always stuck to that.

When she was in Y1 she solemnly announced to her teacher that she wanted to be known by an even more shortened version of her name, and her teacher stuck to that faithfully, even when I couldn't remember to myself. :)

Nursery shouldn't ask for a preferred name if there are not going to use it verbally

But the OP has only one example of them using the long name, verbally

It is a big deal, Down, as it's not the name she currently goes by.

My own parents always called me by my middle name - so think Mary Katherine, always known as Katherine. I don't know why! It's caused no frigging end of chaos, mind you.

I've told DP if my gravestone says Mary I'm coming back to haunt him

You're in for a lifetime of this, I'm afraid. We did exactly the same as you, gave DD a long name and always called her by the short name. The short name is girly and cute, the long name is classic and lovely and we thought it would be a useful fall back in later life.

What happened in reality was she grew to hate the long name because teachers at school would use it if they were cross with her, even at 5 or 6. We went in endless times to say she didn't like longname but they continued. Then there was the problem of supply teachers and, as she got older, exam certificates and the fact that doctors, dentists etc called her longname and she had longname on her passport.

At the age of 12 we were facing passport renewal and the problem of later GCSE certificates and work applications and she begged us to change it. We changed it to shortname by deed poll at the age of twelve - she'd have done it herself at sixteen if not.

She's 17 now, all her official documents are in shortname and she's never looked back. She loves telling people that shortname is her actual name and not a shortened version of longname. I do still wonder if she'll get to 30 and wish she'd kept longname - and we named her with good intentions - but in the end it was just too much hassle.

I have a Katherine known as Kate. When she attended nursery they called her Kate until she got to age 4 and went into 'pre-school room' where they taught the alphabet and writing. They taught her to write both Katherine and Kate and she very quickly answered to both without any problem.

If you mention it to nursery, they should listen to your preferences though.

Since nursery have a known as box on their form, then I don't think it would be at all wanky to ask them to use the known as name. Why have that box if you ignore it?

I would mention it. I assume your DD is too young to express a preference, so I think it's fair enough to remind the nursery about her nickname. Obviously not in a confrontational fashion, just a pleasant reminder.

I really don't understand the oft-repeated objections to giving a child a formal name and calling him/her by a shortened version. Surely that is an absolutely standard naming convention.

Yabu.
If it's her preferred name then she'll tell them. She clearly doesn't care. Only you do.

I think you should mention it, yes.

DS1 and DS2 both have long official names that are shortened on a daily basis, and when they started at pre-school, I had to fill in their full name and ALSO the "name they are known by". With DS1, actually they tended to use his full name more but I didn't mind so much because it was useful for him to know how to spell it; and to be fair, same with DS2. BUT I only use their full-length names when they're being ticked off for something, so I don't want them to be called that on a daily basis at school/preschool, because they'll think they're permanently doing something wrong!

Yanbu to want them to call her Kate.

Yanbu to have put Karherine on her birth certificate.

My 18 yo is a Rebecca. I call her Rebecca, Becca, Bex, Bexie. Her friends tend to stick to Rebecca but one calls her Becky. One of her teachers at school has persistently called her a completely different unrelated name which she found hilarious but answered to it anyway.

OP you child will be called a myriad of names by the time she is a teen and she will come through this completely unscathed. I think the Catherine/Kate issue at nursery is fine. Both of them are her names and she will answer to both.

My brother has a short name that's a perfectly legitimate name but he gets asked all the time if it is short for a longer name.

It's really common for an official name to be different. Imo nursery, school etc should all use the preferred name/nickname for day to day things. As long as the nickname is not something that bears no resemblance to the real name they should use it.

To use the longer name just confuses the child surely?

Both at nursery and at school manager/teachers have asked what the kids want to be called. My youngest has a name which I often shorten at home, his friends call him that too but both at nursery and school he wanted to be called by his full name and thats what they did.

Its called respecting the childs sense of identity. If a child has always been called 'Kate' then to call them by anything else is dismissive and rude and bloody lazy. Its documented what her preferred name is, what she wants to be called and they have been told by op again, its not rocket science.

I think this isn't worth getting worked up about. If you have one name, but use another you are bound to get this. I am 50 and have this, I answer to either, I don't even notice if someone calls me by long name, it only usually happens at the doctors or dentist, everyone who knows me calls me the shortened version. all official paperwork is my long name.

In fact my shortened version was never officially picked as a preferred name, people who knew me just CBA calling me the long one.

You mention giving her options when she gets older, if at this point she decides to adopt her long name how will you get used to using it after potentially 20 years of the shortened version?

I really think this is a non issue otherwise you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of frustrations and annoyances.

We had the teacher calling ds a shortened version of his name - which he hated. He asked to be called his preferred name (initials) and they said no as it wasn't on the register! Despite their version of his name not being on it either...

Is it Dorothy and you call her Dot?

Maybe it's a short form they're not used to or think sounds odd.

Albus I got so sick of it I legally changed it by deed poll. So when people ask am I 'really' Katherine (continuing the example) I say "I'm legally Kate" and that shuts them up nicely

I think yanbu, that would annoy me if I'd clarified with the nursery. Lots of people give their LO a first and middle name but use the middle name, I don't see it as any different and if it's been explained then they should do their best to use the name she's familiar with. I can understand how mass printouts would have "Catherine" as they must just go by the roll for ease. I don't think you would BU to speak to the office.

I am a long name known as short name and only my nan uses my long name. I introduce myself as short name so it would annoy me if someone presumed to use long name but if long name is on documents it can't be helped sometimes.

I went to school with a Nicki (for example, not real name) and she would constantly get addressed as Nicola. Her name on her birth certificate was Nicki but people really struggled to grasp the concept that she didn't have a "big" name to go with her "nickname". I remember one occasion where she was sent out because she wrote "Nicki" on something when we'd been instructed to write our full names. She argued that her name was actually Nicki and was told not to be ridiculous and to go to the head of year and explain her behaviour.

Sorry that was extremely long winded but YANBU but unfortunately you're probably in for a good few years of explaining it!

This happened to my friends son, they ended up switching to the Catherine version!

Two of my three have commonly used 'long' names with an equally commonly used and accepted 'short' version (think Thomas - Tom type boys names.

To cause maximum confusion, we have always called ds1 by the short version of his name but ds3 is known by the long version of his

Ds2 is registered as the 'formal' version of his name but known by an equally well known 'pet' version (think Charles - Charlie).

It's never been an issue at any school, preschool or activity as they are always asked what name they like to be known by and teachers/leaders use that name.

It's funny how differently people see this and I suspect it's due to their own experiences. DH and I very deliberately chose names that could be either long or short to give the DC a choice as we both have - and hated having - short one syllable names that offer no choice. One generation earlier my DM chose short one syllable names for her DC because she had a long name and hated the fact that people only ever used it when she was in trouble. Will be interesting to see what our DC do.

But anyway op YANBU. They should call her the name she is generally known by. End of.

Oh and just to add, I now use my long name to title my work. Like a stage/pen name I suppose But I go by short name.

I have a name like this! Formal name is very long and regal, pet name has been described as "very Chelsea dahling".

I love both of my names even though I only use my formal name for official things like bills or hospital visits but as a child I got angry with people who didn't call me by my pet name (which I have gone by since day 1)!

Be stern with the nursery. It's not like it's that hard of a request to follow.

Hmm DS has a long version on BC which we never use and is always the shorter version. He's only 1 so we have all this to come! BUT just realised DH is Chris (officially Christopher) and I just find it preposterous to imagine people saying 'why didn't his parents just call him Chris??' What an odd argument

Ynbu. My nephew is Richard strictly known as Richie. Never had problems. He does have his full name written on his work ect. However that is just to get him in to the habit of writing his full name on documents when he's older.
Her preferred name is Kate. They should respect that.