To insist on dd being called the right name in nursery even though it's not her name.

[acrobatty]

Dd has a name on her birth certificate that is her formal name. Think along the lines of Catherine but we call her Kate for example.

She was announced at birth as "Kate" and has been called this name ever since. Everybody knows this and knows her as this. Her birth certificate is only different to give her extra choices when she's bigger.

A few things have come back from nursery so far with "Catherine" on. I've mentioned it to them and they've said they don't call her that. But today when I turned up to pick her up, one of the girls working there opened the door and shouted "Catherine's mum" at the top of her voice. I just said oh, we don't call her that at home we call her kate. But now I feel like speaking to the manager and asking if it can be made clear what her preferred name is and could they stick to it please.

WIBU to do this? Is it a wanky thing to do? I'm annoyed and I want to stop it now but is that a weird thing to do to request they stick to her preferred name and not on the birth cert?

Don't know if iabu or I just need a

YANBU. Surely the nursery can get this right? I'd speak to the manager

In fact everyone on my husband's side goes by something other than what is on their BC

My nursery is overrun with Nathan and Nathaniels. If they were all Nate it would be chaos so each class tries to have only one Nate and full names for the others. I'm pretty sure parents are consulted though.

Afterall if you had a Nathan known as Nate would you rather use Nathan or have to be Nate Surname every time?

My experience is that schools tend to use the shorter version even when your child doesn't like that version.

DS is Benjamin. Teachers will frequently automatically call him Ben. He points out politely that he prefers Benjamin. Some will listen (and some will call him his preferred shortened version of Benji - he likes these teachers ).

YANBU. We had a similar issue when DS2 started school except his given name is the short version, people still used the longer one even though it was nowhere on the register, tags, work...they just assumed! Annoying but at the first parents evening we pointed out that the 'short' name is actually his full name and everyone started using the right version then.

Speaking as a secondary teacher it's helpful if parents specify a "preferred name" and then that will be on the register.

I do ask students and try to remember (I had Calliope this year who preferred "Callie" I wonder why) but I can't always - this year I also had two Olivers, they looked alike but one was Olly and the other Oliver - I could never remember which and both had Oliver on the register.

YY tho exam certs etc will need to be in BC name.

strikethrough fail

Mirandawest sorry my post (tho not specifically aimed at you ) was meant to make clear (and did not!) that secondary teachers may have 300+ students and can't remember every shortening pref. Hence the plea to put it on the reg as preferred name.

IME most students, boys especially, prefer Sam, Tom, Ben, Ollie, Dan, Joe. Maybe that's why teachers do it automatically. But yes, your DC is right to correct it.

I just don't really understand giving a child a name and insisting no one uses it.
I understand names being shortened naturally for example I have cousins called Matthew and David and they often get called Matt and Dave but their parents never insisted on either the shortened or the full versions.

Why not just give your child the name you will call them in the first place?

I just don't really understand giving a child a name and insisting no one uses it.

I can think of at least 3 people I know well who have named their child one thing on their birth certificate but have called them a shortened version from birth, or one who isn't even called by their first name, but their middle name instead.

WHY?! Just call them the shortened/middle name in the bloody first place, then people don't get their knickers in a twist when the full/first name are used as would be usual practice.

We purposely named our son a name which cannot be shortened as I cant stand the whole they're called this but we call hem that twoddle.

I don't understand the 'just call them the shortened name in the bloody first place' argument. Bob/Sue/Kate/Dave/Maggie are all family members of mine, none of those names are on their birth certificates and no-one has ever taken issue names before as far as I'm aware

*issue with their

I think her name is Florence and she's called Flo for short?

misses point of thread I know

I have a brownie who's preferred name is TOTALLY different to her first name. Think "Lucinda" preferred name "Harriet".

I call her Harriet. It's her preferred name, so it's what I call her. That's what preferred means.

A note of caution on name shortening

A friend of mine had a similar name - Catherine/Katie.
She was known at school and university as Katie. She entered a profession and decided she preferred Catherine and wanted to be known as Catherine as amongst other things it sounded more serious and professional.

She had one hell of a battle reconcilling her different social groups and can't bear it when (some) school/uni friends insist on calling her Katie in front of her professional colleagues.

Two lessons from this:

• keep an eye on this and talk to your child about their name preferences as they age. This friend would have had a much easier time if she'd changed to the long form when she went to university.

• the name you choose may not be what your child wants long term.

I don't understand the 'just call them the shortened name in the bloody first place' argument. Bob/Sue/Kate/Dave/Maggie are all family members of mine, none of those names are on their birth certificates and no-one has ever taken issue names before as far as I'm aware

Exactly this. If someone introduced themselves as Bob, would you call them Robert? No, you call someone what they wish to be known as, and if they are too young themselves, you listen to their parents.

itsbetterthanabox Wed 17-Aug-16 14:24:48

If it's her preferred name then she'll tell them. She clearly doesn't care. Only you do.

All the nurseries/schools/childcare I have registered my children for have always had separate forename, surname, 'known as' sections. Maybe it's far more common where we live?

I had a friend I worked with many years ago that had her forename and surname different to her actual birth certificate
Her MIL had insisted upon a certain forename apparently, so it was on the BC, but the family called her something entirely different.

I thought it might be Elizabeth/Betty

I'm known by my shortened name, my DH is known by his, as are his 2 children from his first marriage. Our youngest is known by a shortened version of his name (the others have names that don't really shorten,except DS1 and I'm the only person who's ever called him by that name, not even his friends shorten it)

When my youngest started school they asked us his preferred name and it was written on all his stuff, and was the name he learnt to spell first. All his teachers called him by his nn and he corrects (or the rest of the class does!) supply teachers.

He has his official names on forms, but mostly I use the shortened name when filling stuff in (if it doesn't require the full) same as I do with my own name.

It's hardly difficult and it's happened for as long as there's been names, I don't see why people have such a problem with it.

YADNBU!
Two of my DGC have long names but are known as shorter names and there's been no problem with DGS nursery or school (though we did have to reinforce it in the first week in Reception). When DGD went to nursery at 18months DD told them she had never been called longname but DGD herself came home saying longname over and over. Obviously nursery staff kept saying it and DGD didn't know they were referring to her. DD spoke to them and it was quickly resolved. But they had been told at the start so why did they need telling twice?
A longish name will inevitably be shortened so it's good for parents choose what it's shortened to.

DGD is now 13 and loves that she has a choice of two names.

just say shes used to being called kate as a nickname

my teachers called me josephine as i was called at home yet on my birth certificate it says cordelia my parents were calling me by my middle name well phina /josephine

Haven't read all of this, but I know many parents prefer longer formal versions of DCs names when young. The staff may have missed the preferred name so think the longer name is your preference. For example you say Fran but they purposefully say Francesca as they think you'd like it.

Just mention it to the manager and say you don't want your DD to be confused.

At the schools I have taught at we always use the 'registered' preferred name. The preferred name is on the register and all books, and the child is called that.

Official documents at school would have the full name on (inc exam certificates and any outside agency referrals) but day to day is fine.

It is very usual for children to have full names and preferred/shortened names. School won't have a problem with it.

Speak to nursery.

I had to do this with my son when he started school. I had told them his 'known by name' but they had put his birth certificate name on everything - I persevered as at that age I don't think he even knew he had another name.

Since then it has been fine and secondary school were fine with it - his long name is on all official paperwork but is called by the name he prefers by teachers (and corrects them if wrong as his shortened name isn't the obvious one!).

We complicate things in our family as neither DH or myself are know by our birth certificate names and neither are obvious shortened ones...