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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect grandparents to prepare a meal if they are babysitting at dinner time

184 replies

ilovemypjs · 17/08/2016 12:16

I have been a sahm for 8 years and returned to work 10 weeks ago. My Mil volunteered to have my kids 1 day a week from after school (she has my youngest all afternoon as he doesnt start nursery until sept) until my partner gets home at about half 6 ( my other 2 shifts i am home in time to cook dinner myself). Every week i leave food that my 12 year old can cook for himself and his brothers as mil wont cook for them. Yesterday i had to do compulsory overtime and asked my mum to have them but it was over dinner time and a lot of fuss was made as she felt what i had left was too time consuming for my 12 to do and let him cook something else and when i queried it with her she got really upset and is now not speaking to me. So really i am just wondering what other people do when family babysit at dinner time?

OP posts:
Amelie10 · 18/08/2016 17:45

Reading this thread I'm so glad I have the family that I do. Not only will my mum cook for her gc, but she will leave a full delicious meal for DH and I too. She does this weekly or whenever she sees us. Op maybe you have the same cultural background as I do.

bunnyfuller · 18/08/2016 17:52

i must be weird thinking it's weird Nanny and Grandad don't just do a bit of dinner for the kids when they do theirs? They're family. My mum would be mortified if I rolled up bringing our own food!

ohdearme1958 · 18/08/2016 17:57

mine certainly cooked for me, but i accept i am wrong and will carry on as i was

I dont think you're wrong. Im a hands on granny to 6 and when I look after the children, which is often, I do everything for them. Cooking, homework, bath time, dropping off at activities. Everything really. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Pissedoffinsomniac · 18/08/2016 17:58

Agreed, Amelie and bunny- I find it odd too. In fact if I ever didn't want a meal at grandparents' houses they'd be offended!

Choceeclair123 · 18/08/2016 18:03

I also find it odd that a 12 year old has to cook for himself and there's a problem with gp's cooking for kids. How times have changed?! What's the problem? Surely family would be happy to look after their grand kids. I know I would be.

Fluffsnuts · 18/08/2016 18:09

I'm shocked that grandparents wouldn't make a meal for the children they are voluntarily looking after and would be looking for alternative child care. I think it's negligent.

AbernathysFringe · 18/08/2016 18:16

I find it really weird that 'care' in their eyes doesn't involve feeding the children, even though you'd provide the food. I would never expect a 12 year old to cook their own food if they were at my house, if they were a friend's child, let alone family, unless it was in the context of a fun cooking lesson. What are the adults doing that counts as 'care'? Just watching from an armchair and making sure no-one dies? :s

phoenix1973 · 18/08/2016 18:41

If I'm eating a meal, then anyone else will get fed too.
I'm surprised that g.parents don't cook for kids In their care.especially their own g.children.
That said, on the rare occasions that my DD was babysat by g parents as a toddler, I left food for them to heat.

StormyTeaCup · 18/08/2016 18:44

I'm shocked by this thread. Of course, both my parents and my inlaws would cook for my ds if they have him at a mealtime. Find it really strange that people don't! Guess I am lucky!

KentMum2008 · 18/08/2016 18:45

I also find it strange that grandparents wouldn't be prepared to make dinner for their grandchildren. I'm a single working parent, my mum only does 1 school pick up a week and I'm home by 4:30 but she will always make dinner for DCs, me and herself, even though I'm home with plenty of time to do it. It gives me an hour to wind down after a usually mental day at work, before she gets the train home. She usually changes all the beds and puts the Hoover round the floor too. Whenever I mention that she 'doesn't have to' she says she knows, and she does it 'out of love, not duty'. I know she's one in a million, and I'm a lucky, lucky girl to have her around. And I hope that when my children have children of their own, I'll be in a position to do the same for them.

TellMeSomethingNew · 18/08/2016 18:46

WTF? So they won't make one meal one day a week for their grandchild? Very odd. How can you be like that? I'd be livid with my MIL if she couldn't be bothered to feed her grandchild

MilkyChops · 18/08/2016 18:46

In my family if you are at someones house over tea time you feed them.

If anyone is there at a meal time you get offered food.

If he goes there he eats what they eat, if MIL and FIL are here then I feed them. If he goes to my sister then I send his tea and my sister her tea.

I'm a feeder it looks like Blush

Cantusethatname · 18/08/2016 18:48

My mum always makes something really nice and a pudding and leaves enough for everyone when we get home tired.
I do appreciate her.

Aquahol1 · 18/08/2016 18:52

Absolutely get a slow cooker meal going for this. Loads of good recipes online. Feed the kids, mil, dh & yourself.

BodsAuntieFlo · 18/08/2016 18:52

I cook for DGC when I have them and normally leave enough for DIL and DS too. Even when I babysit at their house I cook if I'm there over mealtimes.

PeggyMitchell123 · 18/08/2016 18:54

I wouldn't expect my mil or mum to cook a meal but to be honest, both of them would of course cook for their grandchildren. I can't imagine either one not doing their dinner.

BeccaAnn · 18/08/2016 19:00

My mum regularlly looks afte my DS and insists on cooking dinner for all of us when we go and pick him up. its a nice family time and he invariably helps (aged 7) so he's very keen for us to eat up!

I've never heard of sending kids riund with food/ leaving something. I guess its just different areas etc.

I'd have thought the Mil could have helped prepare dinner with the 12yo, maybe teach them something new too.

babyboomersrock · 18/08/2016 19:01

I know lots of grandparents - all in our 60s/70s - and none of us would dream of not feeding the dgc in our care, whether at our own house or theirs. It's an important part of looking after them, surely? Not because they can't do it themselves; just because we like cooking for them and we like helping their parents.

I wonder why your mil offered to help, OP? What does she actually do that constitutes "child care"? Unless she is very elderly or frail, I can't see that minding one almost-3 year old is so exhausting that she's not fit for anything more.

The grandparents I know do a fair bit of care/babysitting/overnights - without exception, we ferry the children around as needed and do everything we can to make life easier for the parents. Why wouldn't we? It's what families do for each other.

As for salmon, potatoes and vegetables being too time-consuming to prepare...it's hard to think of something simpler.

emjking · 18/08/2016 19:05

Just 1 day a week it isn't difficult to put something simple in the oven such as fish fingers and chips, or let them have sandwiches with fruit and yogurt etc. I am looking forward to being a grandma but on the other hand wouldn't want to be taken for granted.

PterodactylToenails · 18/08/2016 19:09

I find it very odd because I know our children's grandparents would happily cook for our children and they would volunteer to do this, they would also help with any supervision if I had left food. I know I will be the same too.

PurplePenguins · 18/08/2016 19:30

My mum just feeds them. I am usually home by 5 and have time to get them home and feed them, but quite often, I get in and they are either eating or have eaten. If it's my dad, he is not such a good cook so sometimes he's cooked if it's easy or my 13 yo amazing cook of a DS (better than me) may have cooked for them.

Crikeyme · 18/08/2016 19:42

What kind of grandparents don't prepare food for their own grandchildren at a mealtime?! My retired parents looked after my daughter from 7 months to 3.5 years two days a week, and although I always provided food when she was weaning and lunches as she got older, they wanted to provide for her, too - she's their flesh and blood and they want to care for her. My in-laws are equally keen to provide for all the grandchildren when they look after them after school etc - none of the grandparents would dream of not offering food or getting in something special for them. It's not that we expect it - they do it because it's one of the most basic ways our species shows it cares for others! I really am amazed at some of the comments on here...

Misskittykat · 18/08/2016 19:44

This thread has made me realise that I don't ever want to be the type of mil or grandparent that wouldn't cook a meal for my children/grandchildren once a week when needed!

KentMum2008 · 18/08/2016 19:44

babyboomersrock this is exactly my mums view. She's retired now, and wants to do as much as she can to make her daughters lives easier, as her mum did for her, and as we will all do for our children. That's what families are for; help, support and love, all of the love ❤️

Coconut0il · 18/08/2016 19:47

Hope you're still reading OP. The thread seems to have turned now, glad to find out that many grandparents do cook for their grandchildren and actually don't mind doing it.