to expect grandparents to prepare a meal if they are babysitting at dinner time

[ilovemypjs]

I have been a sahm for 8 years and returned to work 10 weeks ago. My Mil volunteered to have my kids 1 day a week from after school (she has my youngest all afternoon as he doesnt start nursery until sept) until my partner gets home at about half 6 ( my other 2 shifts i am home in time to cook dinner myself). Every week i leave food that my 12 year old can cook for himself and his brothers as mil wont cook for them. Yesterday i had to do compulsory overtime and asked my mum to have them but it was over dinner time and a lot of fuss was made as she felt what i had left was too time consuming for my 12 to do and let him cook something else and when i queried it with her she got really upset and is now not speaking to me. So really i am just wondering what other people do when family babysit at dinner time?

You seem to be getting a lot of arsey comments, if I've had an appointment and my DF has had DS they cook him a meal with them not a problem at all

My parents would cook if babysitting over a mealtime. I thought that was normal/standard, but stand corrected.

i accept that maybe i worded the title wrong as im already leaving the food and not expecting anything, it was more a question about is this normal. this is my first post so maybe i didnt think enough about phrasing or the forum i was posting in.

So you sent the kids to MIL with a meal the 12 year old can easily prepare and your MIL kicked up a fuss?

So your MIL isn't actually cooking. Your 12 year old is?

Why is your MIL making it an issue?

fwiw if my DC goes to grandparent or great grandparents DC is fed by them if it is over a meal time and they even give DC a snack of some sort. It is just the done thing. If they volunteer to have your DC when they would eat then you feed them.

The fact you provide food to be cooked is neither here nor there and I assume your MIL is old enough to know hungry kids are a pain in the arse?

God, I'm glad I have nicer grandparents and parents than some posters on here have.

I have my dsis (yes, she's 8yo) after school one night a week, along with my 2DC and I cook - she usually puts in requests too. Then if there's enough left over, I will send it up for my dm and step-dad to have for dinner or lunch the following day.

My grandparents (79 + 89) have the three of them regularly in the school holidays, around once a week, and they are always fed and watered. My dnan did a whole roast dinner for them the other lunch time.

My dm always cooks when it's her day with my DC, I couldn't imagine her not.

It's hardly a big deal to chuck a couple of salmon fillets in the oven and do a pan of new potatoes and veg for a few kids.

If it's in my house I leave food. If it's at grandparents houses they cook food. It's just the way it's evolved.

I don't think its odd to think a GP probably would but as it was a favour you cant expect anything. Which I think you agree with OP? What I don't understand is why you bothered saying anything? Your kids ate, just not what was planned. What I'm guessing is that your son can easily make the dinner you left and are offended that your mother questioned that by getting him to make something else? What did you leave and what did they end up having btw?

When my children are looked after over a mealtime I try to have food in that can easily be cooked but yes, whoever is there is usually happy to make it for them!

What HateSummer said - do both sets of grandparents live on air? We live too far away for grandparent babysitting but the DC sometimes go to them for the night, and obviously they all (kids and grandparents) eat the same meal, together... MIL would be beyond offended if I sent them with food esp.foid just for the kids - sometimes I drop off a cake with them though...

It's never entered my head to send food with my kids if they're staying with their gran! She would be very if I did!

it was salmon, new potatoes and green veg, they ended up having salmon and pasta, i queried it purely because i thought my son had "pulled a fast one" to get out of eating the healthier option

MIL looks after the DC at my house weekly
I'm usually back before supper, but if I'm going to be late I leave a ready meal or cash for a takeaway for them all.

There's nothing weird about a 12 year old doing the cooking or reheating though - both my 9 and 11 yo cook for the family sometimes, 9 yo under supervision but 11 yo not (rule is an adult has to be on the same floor and have said it's ok and will help if she calls for help).

My parents always cook for my DCs if they have them at tea time. Not expected but it would seem a normal thing for someone to do if they had the kids from say 4-6/7. It has never been an issue, if it is particularly hectic for my parents I give them money for fish and chips or macdonalds.

I really can't see why some people get so funny about grandparents babysitting. In many families people help each other out as much as possible.

This is where I always go like this when reading replies to threads like this. If the GPS are babysitting over mealtime in your home, I would absolutely expect them to make DCS meals and for them to eat with the children. This is what we've always done on my family. My DGM made every meal for us and meals would be at the table everytime (my family are from abroad though so may not be representative) I find it really odd that the adult in charge wouldn't feed the DC and let them cracking on themselves.

Hahaha can't understand why she had a problem with it. Like I say you cant expect anything from someone who is doing you a favour but she actually undermined you wrt what your son should have done.

veryproud your dd is 14 didn't you say? I'm sure she can cook for her grandad! No need to try to chsnge his ways at that age - he's already doing childcare. I suspect you know all that

I would offer to provide a dinner in part because gps would feed ds and put him to bed, then have their own later.

It's confidence with cooking in part. My mum is not a particularly confident cook, so she had a small repertoire of things she will cook for ds, omlette, fish and mash, cheesy pasta etc. If she wants to one of these she does, and doesn't have a meal from us. Sometimes she will have the meal, especially if she is looking after him on her own, because it's easier.

Mil loves cooking, and is much more likely to cook something like a stew and give him a bit, then they have theirs later.

I don't feel there is a right or wrong here, it's different answers for different families. It's the word 'expect' that has given the wrong impression.

Like Bunfighter I have a mum who spoils me - she cooks for DD when she comes over and often brings something for us too!

I wouldn't expect it, but it's lovely of her to do it.

I'd cook them tea without even thinking, even just fish fingers, chips and beans. It's not hard. I'd not expect to be sent food for them!

yes i accept i shouldnt have said expect, it was clumsily worded as i had never posted before and wrote it quickly before i lost the nerve to post.

Anyone in my family would prepare my kids a meal if they were there over mealtime. I would do the same and would always rustle something up for anyone still in the house at mealtime. But I guess all families handle these things differently and you need to respect that your mum doesn't want to do meals and prepare accordingly.

My mother would have an attack of the vapours at the implication if I sent DS to her with food!

It's obviously not wrong at all to provide food if that's the deal but I have to say it's never even crossed my mind with my mum. I guess because she's a better cook than me!