to expect grandparents to prepare a meal if they are babysitting at dinner time

[ilovemypjs]

I have been a sahm for 8 years and returned to work 10 weeks ago. My Mil volunteered to have my kids 1 day a week from after school (she has my youngest all afternoon as he doesnt start nursery until sept) until my partner gets home at about half 6 ( my other 2 shifts i am home in time to cook dinner myself). Every week i leave food that my 12 year old can cook for himself and his brothers as mil wont cook for them. Yesterday i had to do compulsory overtime and asked my mum to have them but it was over dinner time and a lot of fuss was made as she felt what i had left was too time consuming for my 12 to do and let him cook something else and when i queried it with her she got really upset and is now not speaking to me. So really i am just wondering what other people do when family babysit at dinner time?

Can't imagine a scenario where I would have to provide pre Cooked meals for my DC if they were going to their Grandparents, sorry but I find this really strange. Of course they would cook tea for my children, they would just serve them up what they were having themselves, I find it odd that anyone wouldn't. Do they cook for themselves and not offer any to the grandchildren? Maybe I am horribly spoilt and entitled or maybe I have exceptionally nice and kind parents and parents in law but I really don't think so. If I had my nieces and nephews or friends children round for the day then I would include them in meals, how strange not to do so'!

I'm not sure I understand why your mum is upset?

I suppose the lesson is, if people are doing you a favour, it's probably best just to make appreciative noises when you get home. I see you thought your ds had pulled a fast one on her, and sounds to me like he possibly did. But since she won't be minding him regularly, it doesn't really matter and it would probably have been better not to "query" it with her. She probably felt you were criticizing her.

If I were you, I'd probably ring later and say you just thought ds had avoided the healthier option and certainly were not criticizing her and are v appreciative of her stepping in to help.

Otherwise, in my family, it would be absolutely normal for the GPs to look after dinner if they were minding at dinner time. I'm a bit boggly that people think otherwise! I certainly would think even a sandwich would be better than ready meals or a takeaway but again, I'd take the view that one offs don't really matter.

She is the grandma ffs it's not about free child care / cook /bottle washer - she is the bloody grandma she should want to!! If she doesn't I wouldn't be leaving the kids with her!!

Do you leave anything for the grandparents to eat as well? Tbh, I would expect the grandparents to cook but if I left food I'd leave enough for everyone!

The only reason I might send DD with food is because she's veggie and fussy, so it might be easier, especially if it was a regular thing. But otherwise my mum certainly, and I reckon MIL as well, would make her something, be it at theirs or ours, even if it was simply scrambled egg on toast.

I think they'd be pretty offended if I assumed they wouldn't or couldn't make her a meal!

MN is so weird sometimes. I think some people must have very odd relationships with their own family, if this (not cooking for your DGC) is normal.

Maybe let the kids choose their own ready meal for the day that she is babysitting? It does seem odd she won't cook, maybe she's a crap cook tho.

This is one of those things that seem to so sharply divide.

I would ask my mum if she wanted me to send food and she would tell me to stop being daft, of course she'd feed the kids. I don't even need to ask her I just know she'd say that!

This is where I count my blessings! My mum has visited periodically when my childminder has been on holiday and has always cooked a meal for my dd and often for the adults too. If she was looking after her at her house she would also cook for her. I can't imagine anyone in my family expecting me to send food and I would never expect someone else to send food with their child ( unless there was a dietary issue or something similar ).

So neither your MIL or mum will cook?

How many kids have you got??

Can't see a problem, especially if the 12yr old would be pitching in!

Maddie I don't think anyone is suggesting that their gps would cook and eat a meal without including their GC. I thought it was more about providing a separate meal from that of the gps? Certainly my impression from the op.

Wilting doesn't have to be a ready meal, could just be something you made and froze yourself.

Have never even though of this tbh, never sent meals over with my kids when they stay at grandads. However, when I babysit for others I just cook them whatever I am cooking mine, is this not usual?. From the replies in here it seems not and I have massively broken some kind of etiquette by not sending prepared meals with my children when babysat :S

I find it a bit bizarre that she couldn't manage what you left.

On the other hand, if it had been my Dad left in charge he wouldn't have had a clue! And no one (talking society in general here, not mumsnet!) bats an eyelid at a 70 year old man not being able to cook but expect women to be able to!

So, I suppose it comes down to the fact that your mum (and mil) by the sounds of it, is not a confident cook (or just hates cooking.) Actually, come to think of it, my mum would probably have arrived with the ingredients for a roast chicken dinner in her bag, mil, on the other hand, can cook but doesn't like doing it in someone elses kitchen, and would probably have got quite stressed, although done her best not to show it - which I sympathise with, so maybe it's that.

As this was a one off, I think just let it go, accept she's not going to cook and leave super easy stuff - as it's not a regular thing, I'd leave beans on toast or similar for a quiet life!

It does come off as odd to me that your son is cooking for his younger brothers. If he was expected to do his own dinner, with GM making something for the younger ones that would be fine but for her to be sitting watching him cook for all of them is just a bit weird. It may just be years of conditioning making me feel that way of course!

My parents (usually my dad) happily cook for their granddaughter when they have her.It boggles my mind that others wouldn't! I do send stuff if I have it ready (or leftovers) but usually they feed her.

I'm sure if she was 12, they would happily either feed her, cook with her or give her stuff to cook with if that was what she wanted to do.

Have I read it correctly that your mum thought that new potatoes, salmon & veg was too much trouble-for someone else to do- & so made them do something else??

If I was caring for somebody else's children, and it was over a meal time time, I would definitely cook them a meal without hesitation.....unless I had been asked not to (if they were eating later or something).

I can't understand how the grandmother can stand there watching a 12 yo cook and not help him out - both my PIL and P would cook for my children if they were there around a mealtime and I cook if my nieces and at my house around lunchtime / dinnertime.

I think I would be offended if someone sent food with their child to my house (although I have never been in that situation)

This is so weird. Anyone in my care at mealtimes gets fed. Why would I not feed them? Would I be making some kind of point about how I am oh such a generous martyr, freely and selflessly giving of my time? If someone brought food with them (allergies aside) I'd be puzzled and a little offended.

Seriously, if someone was funny about feeding my child, I would have major concerns about that person's suitability to spend time with my child at all.

Is whipping up a quick meal too difficult?
Do they not really want to be with the child in the first place?
Is your kitchen disgusting?

It's weird!

Of course you would expect babysitters to organize a meal if they are there at mealtimes! All this 'I always send meals with my dcs' and 'I always preprepare meals to be heated' stuff sounds bizarre to me. I have been a parent for 20 years and have never heard of that. Whichever adult is with whichever kids at mealtimes, makes them something to eat! It's not hard.

I find the MIL's behaviour weird as well.

My parents (2 sets due to divorce) and parents in law would cook for my kids. Of course they would, I can't imagine why they wouldn't?!

Just like I don't request kids who come here bring a meal regardless of if they're family members or not.

I can't see all the fuss if one of you are home by 6.30pm anyway. Can't you and the children all just eat together at 7pm?

veryproudvolleyballmum Can someone tell me if I need to start to get my dad cooking? That's a problem because I don't think he has ever cooked for 6 people and he woudn't have enough food in the house without notice for 5 extra hungry teens.

Is there something wrong with you? Can't you make a simple decision without canvassing Mumsnet? And why would you place extra burdens on your parent just because others have different arrangements?

Maybe we should expect all women who can to breastfeed because breast milk is best for babies, or expect one parent to stay at home until their child goes to preschool, because research has shown the importance of a primary caregiver. Interesting how women who hate societal expectations are happy to push their expectations on others.

Many grandparents are happy to cook some or all of the time for their grandchildren. Some don't want to, for whatever reason. Maybe they don't like cooking, or feel it's too much as well as childcare. There's nothing wrong with that position. You can take or leave the childcare being offered when the terms have been spelt out clearly. Mothers seem to be the most entitled group when it comes to garnering help with childcare. If GPs aren't providing the same as colleagues/friends' parents the dissatisfied and jealous types cannot rest.

Some of you really need to work on your English comprehension. The OP repeatedly says or strongly implies the childcare is in her own home but quite a few plough on with the theory that the GP is demanding food be sent with the child.

I'd expect the grandparents to prepare something, and for you to offer to provide or pay for it. Your son can help or wash up or lay table etc.

However I wouldn't expect anything too exciting - maybe an egg or beans on toast or tinned soup etc.

It's a bit weird that they won't do anything, especially as a short notice one off. Is it possible that you have criticised their cooking or that the children refused to eat it previously, and this has put them off?

Not only did my lovely MIL always feed my children, she had magic powers so that I could NEVER replicate what she did to my dcs satisfaction. Her way of doing cheese on beans on toast is evidently unique as even when I used the same brands I was told it wasn't as nice as grans

I do think that with free childcare from gps you have to learn to go with the flow - their rules and preferences!