Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

to expect grandparents to prepare a meal if they are babysitting at dinner time

184 replies

ilovemypjs · 17/08/2016 12:16

I have been a sahm for 8 years and returned to work 10 weeks ago. My Mil volunteered to have my kids 1 day a week from after school (she has my youngest all afternoon as he doesnt start nursery until sept) until my partner gets home at about half 6 ( my other 2 shifts i am home in time to cook dinner myself). Every week i leave food that my 12 year old can cook for himself and his brothers as mil wont cook for them. Yesterday i had to do compulsory overtime and asked my mum to have them but it was over dinner time and a lot of fuss was made as she felt what i had left was too time consuming for my 12 to do and let him cook something else and when i queried it with her she got really upset and is now not speaking to me. So really i am just wondering what other people do when family babysit at dinner time?

OP posts:

willconcern · 17/08/2016 14:14

Surprised by some of these responses. If my mum had my kids til 6.30, she'd give them tea. I wouldn't actually even think about this, and neither would she!

Womenareliketeabags · 17/08/2016 14:15

Its never even entered into my head to provide food if my parents watch DS (3) at their house or at mine. I think my Mum would honestly be offended, she is the kind of person that wants to look after everyone and always spoils us. I'm very very lucky.

FinallyARainbow · 17/08/2016 14:17

I would find it strange for any of the GPs to stand back and just supervise this to be honest but I (and DS) am clearly spoiled. MIL and DM have DS one day a week each and make him breakfast, lunch and dinner so all we have to do is drop him off and pick him up (sometimes they even do that too )

SirChenjin · 17/08/2016 14:22

I cannot imagine a situation where my DM would not have cooked a simple meal for her DGC at dinnertime, and cannot imagine a situation where I wouldn't cook for my future grandchildren. It wouldn't occur to me not to.

Do families really not do this for each other ?

heron98 · 17/08/2016 14:28

I don't have kids, or grandkids, and have never had grandparents so feel free to ignore me wading in - but to me it seems very strange that the grandparents wouldn't give their own grandchildren a meal! It's hardly much work to rustle up something easy.

omnia8 · 17/08/2016 14:31

That sounds strange, but then again I suppose it depends on the culture. Where Im from grandparents are just like parents, they are very involved and go the extra mile to watch for the kids, feed them, maybe tidy up the house a bit if the parents work long hours.. It's a way to show love and support to the parents and children. But again, it depends on the culture.

altiara · 17/08/2016 14:35

My DM cooks a meal for the DCs and usually for me and DH as well. (If I cook a meal- she won't eat it so it's win-win this way round )

PerspicaciaTick · 17/08/2016 14:35

This is how I like to imagine my DDad copes with my DS.

RhiWrites · 17/08/2016 14:39

The bit I'm not clear on is whether the grandparents are eating the meal.

OP, do your parents watch the 12 year old cook and then everyone sits down to eat the food he's made, the grandparents included? Because that is a bit odd.

Most grandparents I know would do all the cooking, a few would encourage the child to help. I can't think of any who'd have the child do all the work.

Cloeycat · 17/08/2016 14:40

veryproudvolley I think it would be unreasonable to expect your elderly father to cook for you daughter plus however many friends she brings. But just you dd on her own? He could prob manage that

lalaloopyhead · 17/08/2016 14:43

I'm not sure on this one tbh. If my dc go to my parents it wouldn't occur to me to send food with them, they always provide something over lunch time, and I'm fairly confident that if I wasn't going to be late back they would also provide something for tea also.

However, if my Mum was babysitting at my house I don't think I would expect her to cook an evening meal. I would make sure there was something in for lunch and also possibly leave something for tea. I think it would be a bit odd to assume that my Mum would go through the cupboards in order to find something to rustle up. If I was going to be late I think a call would be in order to say so and to suggest a rummage in the freezer for fish fingers or something suitably quick and easy to knock up.

Being the kind soul that she is though she would probably order a takeaway or take them out for tea.

I do think that you MIL is a bit odd to actually refuse to cook for her GC, and I have no idea what your Mums problem was either!

blueskyinmarch · 17/08/2016 14:47

I cannot imagine for one second my DM not cooking a meal for her GC. It would be unthinkable to her. What grandparents would do this? Why do people think it is unreasonable of OP to think her DP/PIL might sort out a meal for her DC when she was running late. Surely that is what families do? They help each other.

ShakespeareanQuotations · 17/08/2016 14:52

I used to pay my mum a salary to look after my children and it used to really wind me up that she wouldn't make them dinner.

I tried sending over loaves of bread and tins of spaghetti/beans. I offered to get shopping delivered to her house.

All she ever did was bake cakes and fill them up with a glass of milk and cakes in front of the TV.

When DH or I went to pick them up she'd be rushing us out of the door so that she could cook dinner for my Dad and brother.
We'd then have to go home and make something quickly so that the children could go to bed. I was so pleased when DH changed jobs and we didn't need her anymore.

RufusTheReindeer · 17/08/2016 14:53

My dad, fil and mil would cook the children a meal whether they were at my house or theirs

They would proably check with me first in case i had something planned but if it was a regular thing then they woukd cook

I would only ask them to do something simple though

LilQueenie · 17/08/2016 14:53

why could she not whip up a quick snack. I would be more concerned that she unwilling to feed her own grandchildren surely stopping them going hungry is part of looking after them.

PersianCatLady · 17/08/2016 14:54

To me this sounds more like a case of your son asking to cook something different and then being allowed to, is that possible??

BadTasteFlump · 17/08/2016 15:00

Some people are very strange IMO.

In my little world, if a family member or close friend has a child of mine at their house at a meal time, or vice versa, the child is fed along with the rest of the family.

I thought that was just normal

SirChenjin · 17/08/2016 15:01

There's normal...and there's MN normal

Original poster

ilovemypjs · 17/08/2016 15:02

thanks everyone for your replies, even the really harsh ones. just for info i receive daily email links to the aibu thread from mumsnet and have been reading them but not having the courage to post for months so when i wanted to post a question i automatically posted on this forum and worded title around the aibu question. really i was after opinions on what other people do, more out of curiosity than any ungratefulness towards my mum or mil. i certainly dont expect anything and am usually the last person to ask for help, which is why when i had my 2nd son i gave up work and am now not sure what is reasonable when people are looking after my children. i understand 3 boys can be a handful and perhaps my mum did feel i was being ungrateful asking about what had happened when i was really only trying to find out why my son hadnt cooked what i had left. i will stop trying to micromanage in the future and i will carry on leaving easy/ pre prepared food for when my mil has boys. ( she doesnt approve of pizzas/ ready meals or takeaways as they are a waste of money and as i have gone back to work due to lack of money that would def annoy her)

OP posts:

Notso · 17/08/2016 15:07

When my parents or in-laws have the kids at their house I would expect them to cook for them.
If it's at our house it would usually be my parents. I tend to ask if they want me to get food in for them, nine times out of ten they will provide and cook a meal.

Fiona80 · 17/08/2016 15:11

Seriously can't believe someone wouldn't rustle something up for grandkids. Could be as simple as beans on toast or baked potatoes if it was short notice. In our family the grandparents take care of the grandchildren more than they did of their own kids as they now have more time on their hands.

toptomatoes · 17/08/2016 15:20

My FIL has my 3 DC (9,6 and 3) once a week after school. They are hard work when you are in your 70s and not so used to noisy children. He wouldn't know where to start with our cooker (I did show him once and he couldn't do it). He plays with them and keeps them alive and well. I cook when I've finished work or DH brings in a takeaway, they just eat late. If they go anywhere else I send a packed lunch. Occasionally, someone has cooked for them but it's not the norm. Snacks - yes. We're just grateful our relatives are happy to look after them sometimes!

charlestonchaplin · 17/08/2016 15:45

12 year olds are not babies. In some countries they would be expected to cook family meals regularly. What is wrong with a 12 year old putting together a simple meal? When are you planning to start preparing them for adulthood?

BadTasteFlump · 17/08/2016 15:50

Ha ha. Perfect example of 'MN Normal' Sir

witsender · 17/08/2016 16:05

Parallel universe I think. My parents cook fkr mine every week, even my dad manages it. My mil is not a confident cook so does them cooked chicken, salad, pasta etc.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Swipe left for the next trending thread