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AIBU?

Away from home and partner gone missing, help

620 replies

Discopanda · 14/08/2016 04:25

Posting here for traffic. We're in Brighton for the weekend and last night got a babysitter so we could go out for a few drinks. When we got in just before 12, DP went with babysitter to get cash to pay her, hasn't come back since. I guessed he'd gone on for a couple more drinks but everywhere will be closed now. His phone is off (it was low on battery when we were out), I don't have a working mobile just my laptop, he's got the only door key and I can't drive, so I am literally stuck here with our 2 DDs (1 and 4), check out is at 4 and I've got all our things and have no idea how I'm even going to be able to take the girls downstairs for breakfast without the key card to get back in after. I was considering calling the local A&E to see if he's got hurt or injured but don't want to wake them up. What do I do?!?!

OP posts:

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blinkowl · 14/08/2016 07:55

Brighton is a party town, it's likely he's off out drinking / lost.

Really, really unfair to do that on a family holiday and to leave you worrying all night.

I hope you managed to get some sleep and that he's turned up.

icanteven · 14/08/2016 07:55

The assumption is because he left the hotel with her. It's not exactly a huge leap, although yes - as you say, I imagine she would think it more than a little skeevy and run for the hills.

I hope you got some sleep, OP. It's possible that after a certain point he rather idiotically decided not to disturb you and the children by barging into the room and slept elsewhere in the hotel?

thisisafakename · 14/08/2016 07:56

He's almost certainly gone drinking

Huh? Do people honestly have partners who are this irresponsible that you would presume that not returning from the cash point would mean they had gone on a bender? My first thought would be an accident or assault, not that an adult with children has decided to have a solo night out in a strange city without telling his partner. But there must be people who actually do this because otherwise there wouldn't be so many reassurances that he's just out on the piss.

RaeSkywalker · 14/08/2016 07:58

Has he turned up? I'd be climbing the walls of my DH did this- does your DP have form for it?

wigglesrock · 14/08/2016 07:59

TendonQueen yup some depressingly low opinions of the babysitter on here

NickiFury · 14/08/2016 08:00

Huh? Do people honestly have partners who are this irresponsible that you would presume that not returning from the cash point would mean they had gone on a bender?

Yes. My ex would have and did do this kind of thing many times. I don't think it's all that unusual given the many threads I read on here.

Catnoise · 14/08/2016 08:00

Only you know if he is likely to have gone drinking in this situation. Some men would, some wouldn't. I would be very worried too.

Hope he has made an appearance. If he hasn't then get the kids up and fed and have a think about what to do next. Maybe make contact with the babysitter to find out when she last saw him and where.

6demandingchildren · 14/08/2016 08:01

Hope he finally got back. If your hotel is not on the seafront brighton is a place where most roads look the same. Actually a lot of hotels on the seafront are similar x

Crunchymum · 14/08/2016 08:01

The OP had said that she called the local a&e but also that her DP had wanted to stay out so assuming he went back out is a safe bet.

He probably got the babysitter to tell him where would still be open?

He is a prize cunt if this is what has happened though.

urbanflora · 14/08/2016 08:01

Hope he's found his way back by now. If he had been drinking, I can easily see how he could have got lost. He may have found his way to the beach, sat down and fallen asleep. Hangover and big apology due to you today.

OneEpisode · 14/08/2016 08:04

The op may be able to ask the hotel for a later check out, though 4pm may be the latest, unless she's able to pay for another night? Op, how did you plan to get home? Book a taxi, explaining one adult, 2 dc, bags, to the station? You could ask for assistance at the station too. It's not as if DP could drive home if he's been drinking?

WeekendAway · 14/08/2016 08:05

I agree with thisis - what kind of husband/father goes out drinking ALONE after midnight in a town where he knows no-one, when he's only just got home after a night out with his wife? The fact that it was your first logical thought leads me to believe he might have actually done this though.... is he a party drug user?

Or closet/occasional gay?

Why didn't you get cash out on the way home for the babysitter though? Do you think he avoided that on purpose as an excuse to go back out?

This is most odd and extremely worrying. If he's not hurt or in some sort of serious trouble I'd be kicking his arse from here to kingdom come when he eventually gets back. There is no justifiable or straightforward reason for being out all night unless he has had an accident.

QOD · 14/08/2016 08:07

Wow. My dh hasn't done this since he was 17. I remember how scared I was all night, no mobiles back then either

mummytofourbabies · 14/08/2016 08:07

Hope he's turned up safe op

Blu · 14/08/2016 08:07

So you can make calls in the landline in the room?

I hope he reappeared, OP.

Oysterbabe · 14/08/2016 08:09

Let us know OP.

thisisafakename · 14/08/2016 08:09

Yes. My ex would have and did do this kind of thing many times. I don't think it's all that unusual given the many threads I read on here

Wow, OK, I didn't realise. It's amazing how men are allowed to get away with this behaviour though by people normalising it. Imagine if it was the mum who went to the cashpoint with the babysitter, decided 'fuck it, I am going drinking on my own' and went off for a night out without bothering to inform her family who were waiting back at the hotel. I just can't comprehend the complete selfishness. If he really wanted more drinks, at least have the decency to let your partner know and if the phone is out of battery, go back to the apartment and let her know. Tbh this is the sort of behaviour I would expect from someone in their late teens or very early 20's- definitely not from a grown man with children.

Oh and I really don't think he has gone off with the babysitter. If I had spent the night babysitting, the last thing I would want to do at midnight is go drinking with a complete stranger.

summersunshineaddict · 14/08/2016 08:12

If you don't know Brighton it's very easy to get lost unless you're in a hotel by the seafront

Waitingfordolly · 14/08/2016 08:12

It's the sort of thing my ex might have done too. That's why he's an ex. Hope he's turned up OP.

maddening · 14/08/2016 08:13

Hope he is back safe op

NickiFury · 14/08/2016 08:13

Oh it's horrendous and the stress it causes the person left waiting is immeasurable. I know exactly how OP is feeling right now sadly. I just got used to it in the end and learned to manage everything with my kids alone.

I think the OP's silence means he is probably back. Hope so.

LynetteScavo · 14/08/2016 08:14

When I were a lass lots of my friends used to go out clubbing after babysitting. I bet the DH has tagged along with her.

Graceflorrick · 14/08/2016 08:14

He'd better have a bloody good reason. Thinking of you OP

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 14/08/2016 08:15

Is he back?

Floggingmolly · 14/08/2016 08:16

Got lost? He's in Brighton, not in the middle of the uncharted prairie... He most certainly has not been wandering about all night "lost". This is unforgivable.

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